COUCH PANTS

Jimmy had pants made of real nice Naugahyde,

Only pair that exists, and I've never lied,

His mama was poor,

Couldn't shop at a store,

Made Jimmy's pants from a couch, sitting outside.

CHIP LOVER

I love tasty potato chips,

When they're salty on my soft lips,

Vinegar sour,

Sour cream power,

Are the flavors that build my hips.

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THE PERFORMANCE MATTERS LIMERICK

I turned my term paper in too late,

Instructor said, it would seal my fate,

My grades were too low,

So home I would go,

I suppose with the folks, I'll have a debate.

DENNY PAINTED POTS

Denny the pot painter was famous in these parts,

His purple painted pots, won the pot critics hearts,

He was a great painter,

Of the pot container,

For extra money, he would clean grocery carts.

I'LL MAKE MY KIDS SO STUPID, THEY'LL TURNOUT JUST LIKE ME

My kids didn't respect me, because their learning went too far,

So, I banned them from the internet, and bought them a VCR,

All their books I had to burn,

Keeping them stupid, is my greatest concern,

Now they'll become just like me, and trade info at the bar.

TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM LEARNING, I DID A BOOK BURNING

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get?

Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit,

They turned out, not to be bright,

Can barely read, and can't write,

And, their mathematics skills, ain't worth a plum spit.

BACON GREASE SHORTAGE TANKS MICHIGAN ECONOMY

I got a card from Michigan, and this is what it said,

That everyone in Michigan, no longer ate fried bread,

A bacon grease shortage was the blame,

Canola oil, don't taste the same,

Bait shops worry arteries won't plug, then our worms won't get fed.

FINGER LICKING GOOD, FROM THE HEN HOUSE

I went to Newberry Town to buy some canned chicken,

They didn't have any there, for the price I was pickin',

I went out to my hen house,

All I found was a dead mouse,

Still, fried up in bacon grease, made that mouse finger lickin'.

HOMELESS AND LOOKING FOR A STABLE RELATIONSHIP

I'm due to make a house payment, but I've got a fun joke to play,

I'm not going to make the payment, by the scheduled payment day,

I felt real lucky, and of course,

Bet my payment on a quarter horse,

I will try to move into the stable, if the horse says I may.

COLLEGE DEBT AND PIGS WITH WINGS

I went to the internet to see what I should buy,

I spent all my money, and that made me cry and cry,

Without money, life is cruel,

I have no money to go to school,

So, I took out a college loan, and I'll be broke until pigs fly

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THE DIET AND DEFIBRUILLLATOR BLUES

They used the defibrillator, to start Benny's heart back up,

He now must lower cholesterol, so no more bacon cheese steaks, for sup,

Although he almost died,

Old Benny had his pride,

He brags about eating greasy chips, while watching TV with his pup.

I SHARED MY HOME IN THE VILLAGE

I went into the village to find me some heat,

I found a huge box, lying free in the street,

I just got moved in,

And along comes my kin,

I let them all stay; they brought raisins to eat.

I WAS SO BAD, I ENDED UP IN CHUM'S CORNERS

I went to a party down state in Pontiac,

Woke up in Chum's Corners in a  tin lean-to shack,

Felt kind of rough,

Ate some strawberry fluff,

Can't go anywhere, because funds I do lack.

THE POOR ON POOR DINE, MY NEIGHBORHOOD IN DECLINE

Things are real fine in my far neighbor's hood,

The people live within fences, and behave really good,

But where I work, live and stay,

We got the low, low, low pay,

So people have perm borrowed things, when they could.

AFTERLIFE ANCESTOR TEA COMPANY

My car slid on the ice and I slammed into a tree,

Then my ancestors surrounded me,

"You drive too fast",

They said at last,

"Now you're dead and we won't share our tea."

WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH

When times get rough I eat pinecones,

I check the highway for bleached white bones,

Then I make my cobwebs stew

Though the ingredients are few,

The stew I serve with my acorn flour scones.

WORMS AND BUGS AND PORK AND BEANS, I SCHEMED

I have been looking for pork sausage all day,

It's pricey, and I can't cover it with my low pay,

But with worms and katydids

I'll ground sausage for the kids,

I schemed me pork and beans, but it gang aft a-gley.