I RIDE THE WILD BEAR

I walked into a dark, deep cave, and saddled up a big, black bear,

Some call me extremely brave, others think I need a brain repair,

I rode the bear to mum's,

Stoped at a store for gums,

I rode the bear at a steady trot, so mums neighbors, he wouldn't scare.

CALL OF THE WEREWOLF

The howling of a wolf in the woods, filled my beastly, carnal heart's holes,

The howling was a call to the forest minions, to awaken werewolf souls,

The woods went darker, the sky grew bright,

A full moon lantern was the only light,

I started my venture into the night, hunting victims, to play out their roles.

MY SOLAR LAMP AND THE GRIZZLY BEAR, LIMERICK

I dropped my solar lamp into the lake, while forest camping, 

Now I fear the inner wires will need major revamping,

In the dark tent, my body, I lay,

Hoping for a quick, sun rising day,

Because I fear a grizzly bear, is outside my tent, stamping.

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AT THE END I AM PILES

I fell off a cliff, and looked down at big, sharp, nasty stones,

I knew that soon upon them, I'd be bleaching my broke bones,

Then I saw a tiger,

A lion and a liger,

I knew I'd soon be in scat piles, with scat pile tones.

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CRITTER STEW FOR TWO

I found some dry hickory, so I lit it to heat a winter stew,

I threw in the stew a snow bunny, a dead frog and something that flew,

The stew bubbled, and the fire hissed,

Soon, the critter stew, my fat lips kissed,

After dinner I took a nap, while my dog Dexter dropped his poo.

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FALL, BEES AND TREES

The sun sank down and burned up the Autumn, red trees,

That made birdies chirp, and it stirred up the sweet bees,

The bees moved their caramel honey,

It was the source of their big money,

The birds chirped new music, and raised subscriber fees.

AFTER DEATH, I AM WITH MY PET

A hungry tiger escaped from the zoo,

He ate up my pretty, pet cow, named Moo, 

I feel really blue,

The cat ate me too,

I and my pet cow, became tiger poo.

WHEN A GOOD WOLF GOES BAD

A big, bad breathed, wolf walked arrogantly, into our school,

When the bad wolf ate the gym teacher, we kids thought it was cool,

Before we could boohoo, 

He ate all us kids, too,

Eating a teacher is one thing, but eating students is cruel.

NO PAIN, NO STRAWBERRY GAIN

There was a big, silly gopher, named Terry,

He could not pass any red, ripe strawberry,

Terry would take a bite,

Which gave Terry delight,

But, being shot at by rock salt, was scary.

FOOD FOR THE FERRELL

All of the kitty cat lips, were all tongue licken, 

In the garbage, there was the skin of a chicken,

The wicked aroma that smelled,

All kitty attention, it held,

Along came a bear, and kitty hearts, did quicken.

THE OLD MAN AND THE ROO

There was an old man, who sat at the zoo,

He shared his dill pickles, with a humpback, kangaroo,

The kids got all scared,

When his teeth, the too bared,

The kids got double scared, when the old man bared is snaggled teeth too.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED A BEAVER GUN

I went out canoeing this morning, and ran into a big, beaver damn,

The beaver saw me and started hissing, I saw him, and thought, Easter ham,

I did not have my beaver gun,

So I wrestled him, just for fun,

Now, I'm in his lair, feeding his babies, and missing my fiance, Pam.

EATING MISS MAISY

I'd often take my cow, Maisy out on a woods walk,

She'd soothe me with soft moos, while I unwound with thought talk,

One day, a lion came by roaring

I left Miss Maisy, she was boring,

The lion was  wanting cow, that's the one I would stalk.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his tress spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

HE FRANKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT

Frank was bald as a marble, yet coveted thick, long hair,

Frank was inspired, when he eye spied, Big Benny The Bear,

Frank went hunting for Benny,

The hair?  Frank didn't get any,

But, Benny with his claws, skinned Frank, and made skin underwear.

CLAY CROCKING THE STEW

I read one cooking book every day,

Mostly, on cooking in pots made of clay,

When I crock cook my stew,

I will share some with you,

The best meat for the crock stew, is blue jay.

THE BIG RACCOON ATE SUPPER

The raccoon and I knew that the near future would reveal,

Which one of us would become the other's evening meal,

I through hard fists in the fight,

The raccoon did scratch and bite,

After supper, the racoon said I was tender, like veal.

I HAD TO EAT CROW, EGG

I went down to the meat market, and what was missing there?

There was a shortage of eggs to feed to my Teddy Bear,

When I got back to the house,

My Teddy Bear, my sweet spouse,

Had raided a crows nest, and served the eggs runny and rare.

WHALE, ALPHA, MALE AND YOU FAIL

When swimming amongst creatures known as, whale,

The alpha one has the much longer tail,

Watch where the tails splash,

They can squash you to hash,

If you try to out swim whales, you will fail.

WHEN GRANNY LOST HER SSI

I took grandma outside, and fed her to the wolverines,

Grandma had lost her government check, so she had no means,

The hungry wolverines done fed,

On grandma's torso and her head,

Grandma couldn't stay with me; she'd want a share of my canned beans.