AT THE END I AM PILES

I fell off a cliff, and looked down at big, sharp, nasty stones,

I knew that soon upon them, I'd be bleaching my broke bones,

Then I saw a tiger,

A lion and a liger,

I knew I'd soon be in scat piles, with scat pile tones.

HE FRANKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT

Frank was bald as a marble, yet coveted thick, long hair,

Frank was inspired, when he eye spied, Big Benny The Bear,

Frank went hunting for Benny,

The hair?  Frank didn't get any,

But, Benny with his claws, skinned Frank, and made skin underwear.

CLAY CROCKING THE STEW

I read one cooking book every day,

Mostly, on cooking in pots made of clay,

When I crock cook my stew,

I will share some with you,

The best meat for the crock stew, is blue jay.

THE BIG RACCOON ATE SUPPER

The raccoon and I knew that the near future would reveal,

Which one of us would become the other's evening meal,

I through hard fists in the fight,

The raccoon did scratch and bite,

After supper, the racoon said I was tender, like veal.

I HAD TO EAT CROW, EGG

I went down to the meat market, and what was missing there?

There was a shortage of eggs to feed to my Teddy Bear,

When I got back to the house,

My Teddy Bear, my sweet spouse,

Had raided a crows nest, and served the eggs runny and rare.

WHALE, ALPHA, MALE AND YOU FAIL

When swimming amongst creatures known as, whale,

The alpha one has the much longer tail,

Watch where the tails splash,

They can squash you to hash,

If you try to out swim whales, you will fail.

WHEN GRANNY LOST HER SSI

I took grandma outside, and fed her to the wolverines,

Grandma had lost her government check, so she had no means,

The hungry wolverines done fed,

On grandma's torso and her head,

Grandma couldn't stay with me; she'd want a share of my canned beans.

HE'S IN MY TRAILER AND IN THE WRONG STATE, TOO

There is one big, crazy, Northern Michigan polar bear,

He sneaks into my old trailer, and gives my kids a scare,

I warned the bear to stop,

Or, I'd give him a bop,

He ate me, so I guess he does not, and never will care.

THE CREEPY LITTLE HOMINID, THINKS I'M HIS UNCLE LEE

There is a little hominid, and he thinks I'm his Uncle Lee,

I am clearly a spider monkey, a spider monkey, I be,

I do not walk on two hind legs,

I swing through trees, and eat bird eggs.

We're not at all the same species, we differ genetically.

THE GRISLY BEAR CUISINE

There were two old grisly bears, and they lived out in the woods,

They grew their own potatoes, and hunted Red Ridding Hoods,

They also liked their red beans,

And occasional sardines,

The bears often shopped the farm market, for fresh garden goods.

TAILS DID NOT WAG, WHEN THEY LOST THE DRAG

About 100 dogs ran down a long, sunny hill,

Chasing a big, green dragon through a wide field of dill,

The dragon got to the water,

Swam off, like a nimble otter,

The dogs were really mad, because they didn't get a kill.

MOMMY, THEY ARE CALLING ME A HOMINID

I'm being called a hominid, because I like to stand on my two hind feet,

The only reason I do it, is to see if I can find something to eat,

They all make fun of me,

Because I like to see,

But when I saw that polar bear, I got everyone to quickly retreat.

WEIRD-WOLF OF DETROIT

I'm accused of not being sensitive, not sensitive at all,

I make people uncomfortable, just by strolling through a mall,

I never comb my hair, 

Stink like a forest bear,

There's times I'll just squat down howling, thus doing my werewolf call.

FEAST AROUND AND FIND OUT: THE IVY FUR BOOT STORY

I had beautiful ivy plants, growing by my old barn, 

I found my Ivy plants dead, one day, and I said, "oh, darn",  

Two groundhogs ate the tender roots,

Hogs feel good, in my fur lined boots,

Now I won't need to knit new socks, so I'll return the yarn. 

I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.

CRITTER STEW FOR TWO

I found some dry hickory, so I lit it to make a winter stew,

I threw in the stew a snow bunny, a dead frog and something that flew,

The stew bubbled, and the fire hissed,

Soon, the critter stew, my fat lips kissed,

After dinner I took a nap, while my dog Dexter dropped his poo.

SCHOOL LUNCHES: WHAT'S IN YOUR MEATLOAF?

What happened to the animals in the zoo?

When they closed the old zoo, some animals flew,

Other animals, it's said,

Became a stew, for dipped bread,

That news made many little children, boohoo.  😭😭😭😭😭

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

TIGER, TIGER, FATTY MEAT

I dream all day long of pickled pigs feet,

It's the only food for super I'll eat,

I chew on the thick pig fat,

Thinking I'm one tiger cat,

Gnawing from the bones the fat and the meat.

BEAVER HICKORY

There was a busy beaver that chewed on my hickory,

He chewed right through the hard, hardwood, then downward fell my  tree,

It fell upon my crops,

Damaged my turnip tops,

*The beaver cut my big tree up, then hauled it out to sea.

*Version 2

The tree is too heavy to move...it rots out in the leigh.