THE NAUGHTY CUTIE CAT

I played with his new sneakers, and his sneakers were blue,

I chewed on his iconic socks, and they were blue too,

I'm the cutie cat, named Fred,

Thinking, I'll pee in his bed,

But I'm afraid I'll get caged-up, like the cat at the zoo.

WHAT TIGERS DO ALL DAY

There once was a tiger named Bill,

He lived just up over the hill,

Everyday he'd eat mice,

Take a swim to drown lice,

The rest of the time, he'd just chill.

THE COUGAR IS COMING

If a cougar you want to stop,

First you give him a karate chop,

If he rips your arm off then you stop,  

And, cry out for your mom and pop,

If a cougar sees you don't run away,

If you do he'll think you want to play,

He's going to eat you anyway,

Just chalk it off to one bad day,

The cougar is coming, so you'd best hide away,

He can still smell you for you didn't bathe today,

Now, when he eats you I can sneak off to the bay,

Out on your yacht I'll catch me some ray.

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RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,

So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,

Real bad it makes us feel,

It ruins our Christmas meal,

So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.

JUSTIN AND RALPH: THE TEDDY BEARS AND KITTY

Justin was a cute teddy bear, who lived on my top bookshelf,

Justin was so sad, because he lost his best friend, Teddy Ralph,

Teddy Ralph fell to the floor,

Eight shelves down, and what's more,

Kitty ripped Teddy Ralph to shreds, believing he was an elf.  (Stupid Kitty)

BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

THE COUGAR LIKED HER S'MORES

Katy was a mountain lion, who really loved to eat,

She only snacked on campers, because campers are so sweet,

Katy would eat the campers down to their cores,

For campers taste like stacks of s'mores,

Katy left plenty for her baby lions, so they could get a treat.

DEAR CAMP THREE (I'M LIP SMACKING GOOD)

I went to deer camp, and a cougar was there,

She ripped out my throat, and there was blood in the air,

I could not utter a word,

And, the last thing I heard,

Were kitty cougar smacking lips at the lair.

MY GOLDFISH IS A GOOD PET, NOT!

My goldfish is a nincompoop because poop is all he does,

Except he'll swim to the top of his bowel to eat a piece of fuzz,

I wish for a better pet than he,

For he does not comfort me,

He has no fluffy fur, he cannot pur or, love me just because.

I