I DISCOVERED MERCURY

I thought I found a pint of old gin,

So, I emptied the contents of sin,

My skin turned real gray,

Then, I passed away,

For, it was mercury that was stored within.💀

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WE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO CRYSTAL LAKE ON FRIDAY THE 13TH

On Friday the 13th we went skinny dipping at Lake Meade,

"Our folks should never know", is what we all agreed,

But, along  comes this dude, Jason,

With a hockey mask face on,

With a sharp machete that made our necks all start to bleed.

MY EARLY RETIREMENT

I studied quantum mechanics and it made me insane,

Because, I do not have a very big brain,

Now, I sit in the backyard all day,

Watching red squirrels play,

Even that makes my forehead throb, pain.

BEWARE THE LEFTOVER MAYONNAISE

The leftover mayonnaise do not take,
Bob did and got a belly ache,
To avoid a dire fate,
Read the expiration date,
Or, like Bob you'll vomit a green slime-lake.

THE TENT WORM LIMERICK

I had a tent worm on my knee,
I lifted him gently and set him free,
I thought a friend I made in he,
Instead he ate my apple tree,

Tent worm, tent worm you're so mean,
You've ate up everything that's green,
My fruit trees all look stark and clean,
This will make my winter lean.

LEAVES, TRASH AND MY SECRET STASH

The wind has blown away the leaves and trash,

That hid from all my mushroom stash,

The seeds have now dropped,

So, I'll pick the mushrooms that popped,

Then, hide the spot before a neighborhood dash.

MASTER OF THE ANT WARDROBE

I was the only maker of six-legged pants,

So, I owned the valley of the ants, 

To avoid a wardrobe disaster,

The ants made me their master,

And, my design for gym shorts has drawn rants. 

SPELLING AND BEER

My spelleng is note berry gud,

I spel bad cause I ama crud,

But, in won spelleng be,

I spelled "Meticulously,"

Celebrating, I got hooked on the sud.

LEPRECHANS NAMED SARAH AND JANE

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara .

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

RECIPE POEM ABOUT FRYING GREEN TOMATOES

POEM RECIPE FOR FRIED GREEN TOMATOES
I make fried green tomatoes,
Sometimes with friend potatoes,
I slice them thick or thin,
Different tastes for different kin,

I dip them in the egg,
I dip them in the flour,
I turn on the stove,
I crank up the power,

When puffed up and golden browned,
That’s the best taste I have found,
There’s nothing better on Puget Sound,
Than fried green tomatoes all around.

I GOT THE ROOF LEAKING FLOOR CAVE IN BLUES

The rainstorm made my roof leak and, it leaked a lot,

The rain filled up every plastic bowl I had and, every cooking pot,

So, the rain then really soaked my floor,

The floor caved in and what's more,

I called my insurance agent and rain coverage I have not.