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Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE

I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,
They discussed the condition causing my gloom,
They said don't bother to retire,
For I was about to expire,
They said I should contemplate my pending doom.

22024

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

THEY DIPPED SOME CHIPS IN MY BRAINS

The judge said I was criminally, completely insane,
He ordered AI chips to be stapled into my brain,
I did not feel anything,
Til my ears started to ring,
Then my eyeballs popped out, causing pain.

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

PORK PIE, NO FINS

Because Bobby only ate food that came in tins,
Bobby was deficient in many vitamins,
He had hunger for pork pie,
He never knew exactly why,
He wouldn't eat any food from creatures that had fins.

Sunday, January 7, 2024

BUGGY BITTERS

Whenever I go down to the neighborhood pub,
I get layers of dead bugs in my bitters and grub,
Tried partaking elsewhere,
Found much short pubic hair,
I guess the bugs are ok at my old townie hub.


Tuesday, January 2, 2024

BENNY BROUGHT HOME SOME CHEAP CRABS

Benny brought home to his wife some cheap crabs,
The crabs were just little dribbles and dabs,
They came in a can,
Fried up well with Spam,
The crabs helped the Bennies build bigger abs. 



Saturday, December 16, 2023

A LAXATIVE AND THE THROWN

Poor old Professor Max,
He consumed way too much lax,
He is stuck to his thrown,
Calling for help on his phone,
While his bowels play Yackety Sax.

Sunday, December 3, 2023

I GAVE MY DOGGY A TUMMY ACHE

I bought some healthy meatless protein burger, today,
It was rather expensive, for my very low, low pay,
I know it is a costly waste,
But I let doggy have a taste,
He vomited all over, now in his bed he lay.

Saturday, December 2, 2023

STICKY BOY, BILLY

Billy applied his sticky salve and creams,
So Billy could sleep sound, and have nice dreams,
Or else he'd itch,
Toss and twitch,
And have nightmares of eating salad greens.


Saturday, October 28, 2023

WAGNER AIN'T NO BRAHMS

I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms,
When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms,
But, as the Valkyries roared,
My blood pressure soared,
Both armrests got all wet, from my tight gripping palms.

Monday, October 23, 2023

I DIDN'T BRING HOME A PAYCHECK, BUT I BROUGHT HOME BEDBUGS INSTEAD

I brought home little bedbugs in my shoes,
They will bite you all over, if they choose,
If you have some blood,
They'll make you their bud,
And the red spots, will proclaim the bad news.

Thursday, October 19, 2023

I'M A DENTAL TECH

I had to find a pair of pliers, because my tooth was throbbing,
I already tried a string, in a technique I call doorknobing,
My tethered tooth did not slightly budge,
But, my doorknob feel apart, oh fudge,
Then there was horrific pain, screaming and great sobbing. 


Monday, September 18, 2023

GEORGE BUILT A TEMPLE

George built a small temple, to worship a big tree,
It was built out of the wood, called mahogany,
George worshipped a white pine,
It had needles, real fine,
George boiled the needles to make vitamin tea.


Friday, May 19, 2023

THE UPHILL HEART THROMBOSIS

I needed to go to market to get me some dill,
All would be fine, but the market is up the hill,
That's where my car will not go,
Uphill; geared in high, or in low,
I got consternation; had to take a heart pill.


Wednesday, April 19, 2023

FOLLOW THE YELLOW, SICK TOAD

Some guy got lost way out in my woods,
We robbed him, we were dressed with yellow hoods,
I told him, "follow my bro, The Toad",
"He knows the way to the main road,
Toad is always sick, because he don't bath like he shoulds."



Sunday, September 11, 2022

REMEDY ROOMS

Todd had mushrooms growing on his ceiling,
Todd's mother asked what was Todd dealing,
She thought the mushrooms were worth stealing,
She hoped with muskrat, they'd taste appealing,
And give her ulcer some wood witch healing.


Tuesday, July 5, 2022

MR. MARTIN HAD NO TICKER

Mr. Martin had no ticker,
His doctors wondered why, he was not sicker,
Martin swam in the bay,
Ate smoked bacon all day,
At night he drank beer and would bicker.

Wednesday, April 6, 2022

BLINK

I had a rat living under my sink,
He ate bleach, he died, now he stink,
So I sprayed some air spray,
And the stink went away,
But the spray burned my eyes, blink, blink, blink.😣

Sunday, January 23, 2022

GETTING OLD

Dark circles under the eyes,
Flabby bulges in the thighs,
Teeth with stains,
Big weight gains,
You turned 21, it's no surprise.

Sunday, October 24, 2021

THE RAINY, RAINY, RAINY LIMERICK

My bones are all in painy,
Cause it rainy, rainy, rainy
It puts hurt into my brainy,
I'll probably go insainy,
Overeat, then weight I'll gainy.




Tuesday, June 22, 2021

ODE TO THE FLAVOR CALLED CHEDDAR CHEESE

Ode to the flavor called cheddar cheese,
For it is the flavor that aims to please,
Whether it's on top of french fries,
Or, hot apple pies,
Cheddar helps to spread severe heart disease.