LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
health
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
health
.
Show all posts
Wednesday, October 23, 2024
HEART FAILURE AND THE KNIFE
There once was an iconic, little blogger who could,
He often made videos about carving craft wood,
Then he'd slice up some ham,
And fry it with lite Spam,
Until his arteries got all clogged, under the hood.
Saturday, September 28, 2024
I LOVE MY SALTY AND FATTY MEATS
My pacemaker picked up the heart pace,
So I stayed part of the human race,
I could no longer eat,
Tasty, fatty, salt meat,
And that was a boot kick in the face.
Friday, September 20, 2024
DRAGONS UNHEALTHY
Dragons will eat nothing but fatty, red meat,
Their fat clogged arteries won't let their hearts beat,
The dragons are always joking,
They'll never give up their smoking,
The same old story at every wake greet.
Wednesday, July 17, 2024
THE HOT TUB CLUB
I like going to the health club; the hot tub is for me,
I have often wondered, if in the hot tub people pee,
I asked my friend, the chemistry teach,
She said no problems, the club adds bleach,
And the water is changed when the water looks like tea.
Sunday, June 9, 2024
IT IS HARD TO GET SKINNY EATING STARCHES AND FAT
Don eats four fruits and a vegetable each day,
Donny keeps his bowels cleared out, that simple way,
French Fries and buttered toast,
Don likes the very most,
Therefore 700 pounds, Don will always weigh.
Wednesday, April 3, 2024
OLD JEFFREY IN THE MORNING
Jeff had two turkey sausages along with his tea,
He would of had eggs, but they disagree with Jeffrey,
Jeff did drink orange juice,
To keep his bowels loose,
OJ also gives old Jeffrey his vitamin C.
Tuesday, February 20, 2024
ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE
I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,
They discussed the condition causing my gloom,
They said don't bother to retire,
For I was about to expire,
They said I should contemplate my pending doom.
22024
Tuesday, February 6, 2024
THEY DIPPED SOME CHIPS IN MY BRAINS
The judge said I was criminally, completely insane,
He ordered AI chips to be stapled into my brain,
I did not feel anything,
Til my ears started to ring,
Then my eyeballs popped out, causing pain.
Tuesday, January 23, 2024
PORK PIE, NO FINS
Because Bobby only ate food that came in tins,
Bobby was deficient in many vitamins,
He had hunger for pork pie,
He never knew exactly why,
He wouldn't eat any food from creatures that had fins.
Sunday, January 7, 2024
BUGGY BITTERS
Whenever I go down to the neighborhood pub,
I get layers of dead bugs in my bitters and grub,
Tried partaking elsewhere,
Found much short pubic hair,
I guess the bugs are ok at my old townie hub.
Tuesday, January 2, 2024
BENNY BROUGHT HOME SOME CHEAP CRABS
Benny brought home to his wife some cheap crabs,
The crabs were just little dribbles and dabs,
They came in a can,
Fried up well with Spam,
The crabs helped the Bennies build bigger abs.
Saturday, December 16, 2023
A LAXATIVE AND THE THROWN
Poor old Professor Max,
He consumed way too much lax,
He is stuck to his thrown,
Calling for help on his phone,
While his bowels play Yackety Sax.
Sunday, December 3, 2023
I GAVE MY DOGGY A TUMMY ACHE
I bought some healthy meatless protein burger, today,
It was rather expensive, for my very low, low pay,
I know it is a costly waste,
But I let doggy have a taste,
He vomited all over, now in his bed he lay.
Saturday, December 2, 2023
STICKY BOY, BILLY
Billy applied his sticky salve and creams,
So Billy could sleep sound, and have nice dreams,
Or else he'd itch,
Toss and twitch,
And have nightmares of eating salad greens.
Saturday, October 28, 2023
WAGNER AIN'T NO BRAHMS
I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms,
When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms,
But, as the Valkyries roared,
My blood pressure soared,
Both armrests got all wet, from my tight gripping palms.
Monday, October 23, 2023
I DIDN'T BRING HOME A PAYCHECK, BUT I BROUGHT HOME BEDBUGS INSTEAD
I brought home little bedbugs in my shoes,
They will bite you all over, if they choose,
If you have some blood,
They'll make you their bud,
And the red spots, will proclaim the bad news.
Thursday, October 19, 2023
I'M A DENTAL TECH
I had to find a pair of pliers, because my tooth was throbbing,
I already tried a string, in a technique I call doorknobing,
My tethered tooth did not slightly budge,
But, my doorknob feel apart, oh fudge,
Then there was horrific pain, screaming and great sobbing.
Monday, September 18, 2023
GEORGE BUILT A TEMPLE
George built a small temple, to worship a big tree,
It was built out of the wood, called mahogany,
George worshipped a white pine,
It had needles, real fine,
George boiled the needles to make vitamin tea.
Friday, May 19, 2023
THE UPHILL HEART THROMBOSIS
I needed to go to market to get me some dill,
All would be fine, but the market is up the hill,
That's where my car will not go,
Uphill; geared in high, or in low,
I got consternation; had to take a heart pill.
Wednesday, April 19, 2023
FOLLOW THE YELLOW, SICK TOAD
Some guy got lost way out in my woods,
We robbed him, we were dressed with yellow hoods,
I told him, "follow my bro, The Toad",
"He knows the way to the main road,
Toad is always sick, because he don't bath like he shoulds."
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