MY PLAN TO DESTROY THE BRAIN WORM

It seems, my alien brain worm is twisting, and twisting really bad,

It makes one side of my face smile happy, and the other, tear sad,

I'll eat  greased, French fries,

So my  brain worm dies,

The worm will die from a stroke, and my butt will be a soft, sitting pad.

HAIR EVERYWHERE

My best bro was as furry as a big grisly bear,

And, twice everyday, he would shave off all his hair,

The need for furry care,

My bro, thought was unfair,

With some wax and some duct tape, he showed he had a pair.

WORT PICKERS SUBJECT TO FINES AND JAIL

Jimmy picked at his oozing, purple, hairy wart,

That got him arrested, and a day in night court,

Jimmy flubbed his  case,

His defense, no base,

Jimmy went to jail, under a police escort.

FLIP, FLOP AND POP

I had 12 cans of ginger beer pop,

I was drinking ginger beer, non-stop,

I passed out in my sleigh,

They found me next day,

My ulcer gave my heart a flip flop.

HEART FAILURE AND THE KNIFE

There once was an iconic, little blogger who could,

He often made videos about carving craft wood,

Then he'd slice up some ham,

And fry it with lite Spam,

Until his arteries got all clogged, under the hood.

I LOVE MY SALTY AND FATTY MEATS

My pacemaker picked up the heart pace,

So I stayed part of the human race,

I could no longer eat,

Tasty, fatty, salt meat,

And that was a boot kick in the face.

DRAGONS UNHEALTHY

Dragons will eat nothing but fatty, red meat,

Their fat clogged arteries won't let their hearts beat,

 The dragons are always joking,

They'll never give up their smoking,

The same old story at every wake greet.

THE HOT TUB CLUB

I like going to the health club; the hot tub is for me,

I have often wondered, if in the hot tub people pee,

I asked my friend, the chemistry teach,

She said no problems, the club adds bleach,

And the water is changed when the water looks like tea.

IT IS HARD TO GET SKINNY EATING STARCHES AND FAT

Don eats four fruits and a vegetable each day,

Donny keeps his bowels cleared out, that simple way,

French Fries and buttered toast,

Don likes the very most,

Therefore 700 pounds, Don will always weigh.

OLD JEFFREY IN THE MORNING

Jeff had two turkey sausages along with his tea,

He would of had eggs, but they disagree with Jeffrey,

Jeff did drink orange juice,

To keep his bowels loose,

OJ also gives old Jeffrey his vitamin C.

ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE

I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,

They discussed the condition causing my gloom,

They said don't bother to retire,

For I was about to expire,

They said I should contemplate my pending doom.

22024

THEY DIPPED SOME CHIPS IN MY BRAINS

The judge said I was criminally, completely insane,

He ordered AI chips to be stapled into my brain,

I did not feel anything,

Til my ears started to ring,

Then my eyeballs popped out, causing pain.

PORK PIE, NO FINS

Because Bobby only ate food that came in tins,

Bobby was deficient in many vitamins,

He had hunger for pork pie,

He never knew exactly why,

He wouldn't eat any food from creatures that had fins.

BUGGY BITTERS

Whenever I go down to the neighborhood pub,

I get layers of dead bugs in my bitters and grub,

Tried partaking elsewhere,

Found much short pubic hair,

I guess the bugs are ok at my old townie hub.

BENNY BROUGHT HOME SOME CHEAP CRABS

Benny brought home to his wife some cheap crabs,

The crabs were just little dribbles and dabs,

They came in a can,

Fried up well with Spam,

The crabs helped the Bennies build bigger abs. 

A LAXATIVE AND THE THROWN

Poor old Professor Max,

He consumed way too much lax,

He is stuck to his thrown,

Calling for help on his phone,

While his bowels play Yackety Sax.

I GAVE MY DOGGY A TUMMY ACHE

I bought some healthy meatless protein burger, today,

It was rather expensive, for my very low, low pay,

I know it is a costly waste,

But I let doggy have a taste,

He vomited all over, now in his bed he lay.

STICKY BOY, BILLY

Billy applied his sticky salve and creams,

So Billy could sleep sound, and have nice dreams,

Or else he'd itch,

Toss and twitch,

And have nightmares of eating salad greens.

WAGNER AIN'T NO BRAHMS

I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms,

When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms,

But, as the Valkyries roared,

My blood pressure soared,

Both armrests got all wet, from my tight gripping palms.

I DIDN'T BRING HOME A PAYCHECK, BUT I BROUGHT HOME BEDBUGS INSTEAD

I brought home little bedbugs in my shoes,

They will bite you all over, if they choose,

If you have some blood,

They'll make you their bud,

And the red spots, will proclaim the bad news.