WHY DREAM OF MARS

Celine looked out the window at cars,
While dreaming of moving to mars,
But, mars is all gravel and rocks,
With sundial tic-tocs,
And, all there dream of moving to stars. 

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CHAMOMILE TEA GOES TO HEAVEN, AND NASTY ALE DOES NOT

The ships set sail, full of chamomile, 

There were six, or maybe seven,

The ships set sail, transporting chamomile,

To the ports that receive for heaven.

A ship set sail, full of skunky ale, 

There was just one, called The Beulah Bell,

Beulah Bell set sail, full of tainted ale,

To be delivered where demons dwell.

FRANK AND POLKA DOT THE FROG

Frank saw a frog with polka dots,
He picked it up and then got spots,
He went to doctors for some reports,
But, every doctor said that Frank had warts,
For Frank had been drinking just too much grog,
He couldn't tell a warty toad from a green, horny frog.

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BRONSON THE BEAVER BEAR-Limerick

Bronson was a beaver bear,
His species was really rare,
He built damns with logs,
Frightened cats and dogs,
A cave was his main lair.

There once was a beaver bear named Bronson,
He moved to Michigan from Wisconsin,
His body was a black bear,
His beaver head gave a scare,
He married a beaver bear named Johnson.

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AIR TRAVEL IS EASY, IF YOU KNOW THE RIGHT TUNES

I went to the airport and got stopped by some goons,

They wouldn't let me pass, unless I sang them some tunes,

I knew I could not go wrong,

Singing a lullaby song,

The goons fell asleep; I bet they dream in cartoons.

POOR BILLY HAD NO HELIUM (THE SCARCITY POEM)

Billy loved his helium, and put it in his private, balloon toy,

Billy loved his helium gas so much, we called him, Helium Boy,

Dear Helium Boy, did pass,

The day they ran out of helium gas,

Billy's balloon lies limp on Billy's bed, chewed on by a cat, named Roy.

QUANTUM TUNNELING SAVED MY MARRIAGE

I've been quantum tunneling all of my married life,

It has made for an ideal marriage with my dear, wife,

When the wife enters a room,

Through the wall I quickly zoom,

No contact is the best way to eliminate strife.

SALAD FORKS DON'T HELP PASS GAS

Food prices have gotten really high, so I bought a clearance piece of pork,

It was very slimy and stunk, but when cooked it had the texture of cork,

The result was so very unfair,

My belly bloated with painful air,

I got so bloated from the pork, I let the air out with a salad fork.

TOOTS, FOOTS, LEAVES AND ROOTS: AN ALIEN STORY

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots,

She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots,

Foots was a fine bar hoping star,

She was different, looked bazaar,

One day, Toots went pee in a park, then sprouted leaves, and dropped roots.

THE LIFE OF A QUANTUM TUNNELER

We are going quantum tunneling, quantum tunneling we will go,

We will move instantly through a wall; how we do it? I do not know,

We quantum tunnel everyday,

Easy work, with executive pay,

Dangerous work, but love the doe; I and friends, Larry, Curly and Moe.

FRAMEMOGGED BY ATTILA THE GORILLA

I went to the local zoo and got framemogged, by a gorilla,

The gorilla had an aggressive name; his name was Attila,

His muscular frame was big, wide,

That made me want to run and hide,

Last time I felt so small, was when I lived with grandma Priscilla.

POPULARITY BASED ON HELIUM

I'm trying to find some helium, because it makes me talk, real silly,

My silly talk is entertaining to my best friends, Ben, Bart and Billy,

I guess helium is rare,

You can't suck it from plain air,

Helium does not come from grandpa, like the gas he makes, eating chili.

END OF THE WORLD PREPARATION, UNDER FIRE

I'm preping for the end of the world to come,

I am being ridiculed, by more than just some,

I've moved into a tent,

With a woodstove and vent,

I hurt, because mom and dad call me a"dum, dum".

IT'S SWATTER TIME

It is spring and it's getting hotter,

It is time to find my fly swatter,

Baby flies are coming out,

They will be chewing about,

And, pooping in my glass of water

I CAN'T GET ANY HELIUM FOR MY SICK GRANDMA

I cannot get any helium, to put in my big, beautiful balloon,

If I can't find some helium, I am going to be unhappy, soon,

I went to the party, balloon store,

They don't sell helium, anymore,

I need to fill a "Get Well" balloon, to take over to my Grandma Boone.

THE TRINA AT THE MALL POEM

Trina and her mom went to visit Tina's daddy, at the old city mall,

Tina's big daddy worked part-time on weekends,  as a mall cop; his name was Paul,

They shared a lunch, soda pop and fries

They said their "see you later", goodbyes,

Trina's daddy does not come home anymore, because mom caught him in some lies.

BUTCHER THE BEAGLE LIKED TO EAT FLIES

Butcher the beagle liked to eat flies,
High in protein; those crunchy meat pies,
Once he chomped down on a bee,
Which made Butcher see,
When eating he should open his eyes.

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MY PANSY IS A WORKING GIRL, AT A HOTDOG STAND IN THE PARK

I shaved and dressed up to visit my dear, girl Pansy, in the park,

Pansy works there at a small hotdog stand, long hours, and after dark,

She'll make your hotdog any way you want,

If you don't like her buns, she has a croissant,

Sometimes, I don't order, and walk away, when I see her husband, Mark.