SLOWLY, THE REPTILES WIN

I have noticed that local snakes, and our creepy lizards are bigger in size,

Their growth awakens an ancient prejudice; a wish for reptilian demise,

My feelings are condemned as a sin,

But, I fear the reptiles may win,

If they start by eating my pets, then my family, that would be no surprise.

SHE OVERCAME A LACK OF TEETH

My girlfriend for the last six or seven fun years, only has one tooth,

But she has a nice model's smile, six by seven Inches my gal, Ruth,

Her one tooth smile, shocks,

Online critics, I blocks,

Ruth has an important job,  in public at a horror, movie ticket booth.

THE POGO STICK NATION

The pogo stick competition has grown in reputation,

For the pogo stick sport is a hopping sensation,

Pogo stick competition is everywhere you go,

Some compete for duration, others win, place or, show,

The popularity of pogo has triple-digit inflation.

It's clear we have become a pogo stick nation.

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ALTERNATIVE EATING

I broke my jaw, and they wired it completely shut,

"I need some food, now", said the ache that came from my gut,

So, I snorkel food through my nose,

Using a thin, long, rubber hose,

But, at the eateries, people must think I'm a nut.

MARCH/SPRING HAIKU

Thinking Spring, bird tweets,
Winter returns, cold, harsh, storm,
Bird tweets?  Bird goes burr!!!!

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WHAT HAPPENED TO FIGARO?

I was once a great opera star, and I sang Figaro,

After decades, I could sing the high notes, but couldn't go down low,

Before I retired, 

I was email fired,

Now, I work as a mall Santa, and I sing "HO, HO, HO, HO".

I FEEL SAD, FOR ALMOST EVERY BAD THING I'VE DONE

I never walk out into the bright light of the great sun,

I feel the light will expose all the awful things I've done,

I once stole a cookie from mom's jar,

Soaped the windows on dad's car,

I short sheeted big brother's bed, though that was kinda fun.

WHERE GROWS THE TOES

While splitting wood with an ax, today,
My foot got right direct in the way,
I wonder who knows,
If I can grow some new toes,
 Like my beard that I chopped off last May.

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BEWARE OF SPACEMEN WITH PYRAMIDS

A space-man built a pyramid ship in the middle of my backyard,

Then, he told me to stay away from it, and he posted a robot guard,

But, when the robot had to recharge I snuck inside the ship,

Inside, I found a swimming pool, and so I took a dip,

And, while I took a swim, the space-man stole my credit card. 

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LEPRECHAUN: EATER OF WORMS

Kelly the leprechaun eats nothing but worms,
He washes them thoroughly, because he does not like germs,
He use to like greens,
Kohlrabi and beans,
But, they were gassy and gave his belly the churns.

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MY LIPS WERE LIKE PIGGY EARS

I spent my savings going to trumpet college, to improve my embouchure,

I was told that my lips were like pig ears, making sounds that were hard to endure,

Still, I practiced long and practised hard,

Until, my sounds were completely bared,

I was sent home, never to perform or tour; a peasant job I did procure.

CASEY'S COMPASS HAD A FLAW

My Cousin Casey was so dog gone, super nice,

Each day, his moral compass, he would check it twice,

Casey had one ugly flaw,

It concerned his ma and pa,

He put them in a cheap nursing home, that had mice.

DON'T BUY CHIPS FROM A GHOST

I bought potato chips, but they were all mold

I read that in 2012 they should have been sold,

I went back to the store,

But, the store was no more,
It was abandoned in 2010, I was told.

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MALE CHAUVINIST, VAMPIRE HUNTER

I went down to St. Jane's funeral parlor;  saw my old lady there,

She was laid out on an old table, and there was blood everywhere,

She had become a vampire from a toilet seat,

And, human blood was the only food she would eat,

There was a sharp, wooden stake stuck deep in her heart, and I put it there.

ARE THE PRODUCTS I MAKE SAFE? ASK MY LAWYERS

I can't get insurance to cover the product I make, ginger beer,

If a bunch of consumers drink it, and then die, that could cost me dear,

That happened when I made saltine crackers,

Those consumers became toe tag slackers,

I got bankrupt sued, and lost my house, and all my business backers.

BEEPER AND THE HURLING GIRLS

The young guy called Beeper, is quite a little creep,

He sold his inherited house, and bought a jeep,

He tries flirting with girls

That gives the girls hurls,

Beeper is a dim wit; his thinking is not deep.

MARVELOUS HANNAH AND THE PEAL

There once was a senior, named Marvelous Hannah,

Hannah lived in Boston, but hailed from Savannah,

Hannah liked drinks that were fizzy,

Fizzy made her brain spin dizzy,

Hannah is real dead; slipped on a peal of banana.

THE WATER GUN AND THE VISITORS

I woke up and saw a flying saucer parked in my backyard,

There were two little green aliens chewing on my Swiss card,

I grabbed my big blaster, water gun,

They saw me coming, and did a run,

Before they got on their spacecraft, my blaster watered  them hard.