I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

RASPBERRIES IN HEAVEN

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine,

Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine,

They stuck me so deep,

They bled me to sleep,

I now pick berries with the angels, divine. 

DENNY FELL DOWN FROM A COCONUT TREE

Big Denny fell down out of a coconut tree,

Then got buried by tree nuts, and stung by a bee,

Some runny coconut milk,

Stained Denny's  shirt, made of silk,

The bee stung Denny's eyeballs, now Denny can't see.

SIX WOODEN PEARS (A Michigan Adventure Story)

I went to a flea market in Saginaw Michigan, to buy me some wooden pears,

They had wooden pears in all colors and sizes, sorted in baskets on folding chairs,

I bought extra large pears; two green and four yellow,

I paid a pleasant man; he was a good fellow,

I took my six pears back home to Flint Michigan, but I do not think anyone cares.

NUT EXCITEMENT

I just picked a little tiny, brown nut,

From a tree growing over my shack-hut,

Oh, Glory bee,

The nut was free,

The excitement ended my daily rut.

I WAS A LITTLE RASPBERRY

I was a little red raspberry, a raspberry I was,

I started getting somewhat rotten, and grew a little fuzz,

Someone wanted me for sup,

So they tried to clean me up,

I spread out into red pimples, like an old raspberry does.

FRANK PICKS AND EATS HIS STRAWBERRIES

Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl,

Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul,

The berries were bitter,

Frank was not a quitter,

He thought he'd roll them in sugar, at least that was his goal.

THE LAST BOY TO SELL BANANAS

The last boy to sell bananas, sold them on the main city street,

He made money selling bananas, because they are good to eat,

He stole them from daddy's small store,

Then, deliveries came no more,

Bananas had gone extinct, so the boy sold pickled piggy feet.

THE APPLESAUCE FROG BAIT

I opened a can of applesauce, and found a little frog,

The frog was cooked and mummified, sitting in a saucy bog,

I did not at all hesitate,

Picked out the frog to use for bait,

He caught me a fine sunfish, hiding beneath a hemlock log.

APPLES, WORMY OR SQUISHY

The apples on the tree were wormy and ripe,

The apples on the ground were squishy like tripe,

So, wormy apples it be,

That I picked from the tree,

Although, apples with fewer worms are my type.

BOB AND THE THREE BEARS

Bob was sleeping all quiet, in his warm bed upstairs,

When he awoke hearing footsteps of three great big bears,

When they entered his bedroom,

Bob wet his bed, fearing doom,

The bears were good neighbors, sharing a basket of pears.

I DIG POTATOES AND WATCH THE GOAT

I found a little fig,

It seemed to dance a jig,

Was ate by a goat named Tig,

Who chewed up my daddy's wig,

All, while potatoes I did dig.

BANANAS ARE GUARANTEED TO PLEASE

A watermelon has a life of great ease,

But if you're a banana, you get the squeeze,

Your outside gets peeled,

Mashed innards revealed,

But your special taste is a guaranteed please.

THE PIT AND THE SPIT

I decided to eat us a big peach,

Now, a peach has a big pit, my pa teach,

When my tooth made a hit,

I knew it be the pit,

I licked it dry, and spit it out of my reach.

I SUE OVER APPLE WARTS

I found a wart on my apple, while drinking homemade port,

So, I thought I'd take the apple maker, to small claims court,

The apple maker was a tree,

He apologized to me,

He said usually warts on apples, are found when we sort.

DID TIMES, SUCK LIMES

Harry Hermit could do both divides and also times,

Harry Hermit got confused, when he tried doing primes,

His geometry proofs went slow,

Ability to learn trig, was a NO!

Harry Hermit gave up math, and now just sucks on limes.

GRANDMA WANTED THE BOTTLE, NOT TWO FINGERS

Grandma was upset to see an apple worm in her apple juice,

I two fingered out the worm so grandma would drink, that I deduce,

I was out of luck this day,

My dirty fingers, that's all I'll say,

Grandma switched to apple brandy, and became a silly, giddy, goose.

ROTTEN TEETH AND DOTS: A LIFE ADVENTURE, BY BOB

Bob didn't brush his teeth, and they all got really rotty,

Then a dentist Bob saw, and the dentist got snotty,

Bob then went out to the woods,

Picked what berries he coulds,

He ate all the berries, and his skin got all dotty. 

LAMENT FOR THE BABY PLANT

My tomato plant did not get very tall,

It was fine, until we had the snow squall

It would of had a life of green,

If the warm sun it had seen,

Poor thing, almost had no life at all.