I EAT NO PEACHES

I was hungry for peaches, so I went to the grocery store,

The store didn't have any peaches, because they were needed for war,

I did not know what that meant,

I gave the manager, my vent,

My big vent made me very tired, so I went home for a snore.

PEAR PREJUDICE

I thought of eating pears, about mid-week,

So, it was off to the store, to pear seek,

Well, seekers beware,

There were no pears there,

I heard one clerk say, "another pear freak".

KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now he feels bad because he is well teased.

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THE LAST BOY TO SELL BANANAS

The last boy to sell bananas, sold them on the main city street,

He made money selling bananas, because they are good to eat,

He stole them from daddy's small store,

Then, deliveries came no more,

Bananas had gone extinct, so the boy sold pickled piggy feet.

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MICHIGAN BANANAS, YES WE CAN.

Bananas grow bigger in the great, Michigan,

The skins are dark.yellow, and the meat kind of tan,

They thrive in cold or heat,

Raw ones are tough to eat,

After we stew them, we preserve them in a can.

NO PAIN, NO STRAWBERRY GAIN

There was a big, silly gopher, named Terry,

He could not pass any red, ripe strawberry,

Terry would take a bite,

Which gave Terry delight,

But, being shot at by rock salt, was scary.

BAKING FOR OPEN WIDE BOWELS

I baked some strawberry-rhubarb pie,

Instead of wheat flour, I subed rye,

Rye is more healthy, you know,

Rye helps bowels open, and flow,

Once relieved, most release a great sigh.

LITTLE FAMILY, MINUS ONE

I bought some market rhubarb, and black cherries, too,

They were a bit rotten, so I cooked them as stew,

I served it for dinner, bringing everyone joy,

Except big sister Mabel, and her son, Elroy,

Latter that evening, I made up some punch,

I used lemon powder and flat pop, left from lunch,

I could not be prouder, as family sipped down their drink,

Then nasty Elroy farted, and the room filled with stink,

Everyone went home; no wondering, why?

Elroy's flagellation, makes all parties die,

Mabel my big sister, won't make Elroy behave,

Elroy hugs his ma tight, when visiting, daddy's grave.

FILLED MY SOUFFLE WITH CHERRIES, ONE SUNNY DAY

I walked down to the berry store, on one sunny day,

I needed fresh cranberries to spruce up my souffle,

They were out of cranberries,

I bought some pit filled cherries,

Once my cherries got pitted, I walked home, straight away.

LEACHES, PEACHES AND UNIVERSE X

I moved to a parallel universe, and the creatures there were leeches,

The only food that I could find there, were the leeches and jar-canned peaches,

Peaches were a special treat,

Leaches were a funny meat,

I found a recipe book, and combining weird foods is what it teaches.

I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

RASPBERRIES IN HEAVEN

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine,

Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine,

They stuck me so deep,

They bled me to sleep,

I now pick berries with the angels, divine. 

DENNY FELL DOWN FROM A COCONUT TREE

Big Denny fell down out of a coconut tree,

Then got buried by tree nuts, and stung by a bee,

Some runny coconut milk,

Stained Denny's  shirt, made of silk,

The bee stung Denny's eyeballs, now Denny can't see.

SIX WOODEN PEARS (A Michigan Adventure Story)

I went to a flea market in Saginaw Michigan, to buy me some wooden pears,

They had wooden pears in all colors and sizes, sorted in baskets on folding chairs,

I bought extra large pears; two green and four yellow,

I paid a pleasant man; he was a good fellow,

I took my six pears back home to Flint Michigan, but I do not think anyone cares.

NUT EXCITEMENT

I just picked a little tiny, brown nut,

From a tree growing over my shack-hut,

Oh, Glory bee,

The nut was free,

The excitement ended my daily rut.

I WAS A LITTLE RASPBERRY

I was a little red raspberry, a raspberry I was,

I started getting somewhat rotten, and grew a little fuzz,

Someone wanted me for sup,

So they tried to clean me up,

I spread out into red pimples, like an old raspberry does.

FRANK PICKS AND EATS HIS STRAWBERRIES

Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl,

Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul,

The berries were bitter,

Frank was not a quitter,

He thought he'd roll them in sugar, at least that was his goal.

THE APPLESAUCE FROG BAIT

I opened a can of applesauce, and found a little frog,

The frog was cooked and mummified, sitting in a saucy bog,

I did not at all hesitate,

Picked out the frog to use for bait,

He caught me a fine sunfish, hiding beneath a hemlock log.

APPLES, WORMY OR SQUISHY

The apples on the tree were wormy and ripe,

The apples on the ground were squishy like tripe,

So, wormy apples it be,

That I picked from the tree,

Although, apples with fewer worms are my type.