95 URINALS AND A STREAM BY THE CAR

There were 95 urinals, all in a neat row,

But there were no toilet bowels, for the sitters to go,

But not very darn far,

Was a stream by my car,

Of course, could one make it that far, one just doesn't know.

PORCH PIRATES ALWAYS WIN

Porch pirates were active during the night,

I now have no morning breakfast to bite,

I am one hungry dude,

They stole all of my food,

Alas, there's too many of them to fight.

MACARONI TONY AND THE WISHBONE

Hi everyone, most people know me to be Tony,

On every Saturday, I make much macaroni,

It is a delicious dish,

I share with my girl,Trish,

On Sunday, we have turkey, then we split the wish-boney.

ART, I'M NOT LOCKED IN

I took some local art classes, and what did I find?

The other students were critics, and they were unkind,

I complained to the teacher,

She was a mean creature,

She said that my artwork, smelled like her dead cows behind.

WHALE, ALPHA, MALE AND YOU FAIL

When swimming amongst creatures known as, whale,

The alpha one has the much longer tail,

Watch where the tails splash,

They can squash you to hash,

If you try to out swim whales, you will fail.

IT WAS EAR POPPING COLD

After Benny played outside in the cold snow,

His nose got so stuffed up, Benny could not blow,

The blowback popped his ears,

Then he shed many tears,

As off to the hospital, he had to go.

WHEN GRANNY LOST HER SSI

I took grandma outside, and fed her to the wolverines,

Grandma had lost her government check, so she had no means,

The hungry wolverines done fed,

On grandma's torso and her head,

Grandma couldn't stay with me; she'd want a share of my canned beans.

COLD

It got so extremely cold, my collie dog could not make a bark,

It got so cold, my electric car battery, died in the dark,

My plastic, bottled tea,

Froze, and the tea burst free,

I laid down on my warm bed, and on my heating pad, I did park.

A MEME COIN ROMANCE

If I had some meme coins, I'd spend them on beautiful you,

On your big round red nose, and your eyes, so watery-blue.

I'd buy you a pancake,

With syrup and ham bake,

I'd buy you a hot coco, that had marshmallows for two.

MY MARKET ANALYSIS OF MY MEME COIN COINS

The meme coins I bought are not doing so well,

I thought when I bought them, my small wealth would swell,

As my meme coins go under,

I just have to wonder,

If my meme coin coins, will be saved by the bell.

I WISH UPON THE SERPENT

There is a big, mighty, green sea serpent, and his name is Moe,🐉

He swims alongside everywhere, my little boat will go,🚣

Sometimes I get rowboat tired,

I then wish the beast, whom I've admired,

Would push or pull my boat along, so I would not have to row..

BAD PIG DIDN'T FLY, DIDN'T TRY

I had my pig and thought I'd experiment, try,

To get my pig to become airborne, and to fly,

I hauled my pig up a tall tree,

Before I shoved him, he shoved me,

When I hit down on the ground, I began to cry.

TIME PIECES, DEFECTIVE

My broken bedroom clock is not right twice a day, because it has no hands,

My old hour glass, it tells no time, because it leaked out all of its sands,

My beautiful sundial,

Is right once in a while,

Only in winter when there is sun, because under an oak tree it stands.

TWO PEG LARRY, AND THE BIG BULL SHARK

I got attacked by a big bull shark, and he chewed off both of my legs,

My best buddy Rusty, found some hickory, and whittled me two pegs,

They call me Two Peg Larry,

Little kids think I look scary,

I can't get any job, so outside the bar, I sits, I whines, I begs.

SOCIAL MEDIA, BEEF, KIDS AND MAGGOTS

I opened my refrigerator, and maggots were eating my beef roast,

J wondered how the maggots tasted, so I ate some on my buttered toast,

They were more crunchy than I thought,

They had flavors, I often sought,

I fried some maggots to feed the kids, their reactions I will upload, post.

THE SUN DOES NOT HAVE TO RISE, HEMMINGWAY

I went out to see the amazing new sunrise, but it did not rise too high,

It only rose a little bit, and the sun started to fireball cry,

The sun said he was running away,

Not to look for him on the nest day,

Seems Beetle juice, the lover, served the sun a restraining order, oh my!

HE'S IN MY TRAILER AND IN THE WRONG STATE, TOO

There is one big, crazy, Northern Michigan polar bear,

He sneaks into my old trailer, and gives my kids a scare,

I warned the bear to stop,

Or, I'd give him a bop,

He ate me, so I guess he does not, and never will care.

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE, OUCH!🚀

It came from outer space, and it stuck me with it's sharp pickers,

It stabbed my pretty face, so I was quick to become sickers,

Within the hour,

I felt the power,

I went Martian, and started to stick people with my stickers.

DON'T POP PIMPLES WHILE RIDING ROCKETS

My little spaceship got real crushy, when I hit an asteroid,

I remember mommy telling me, asteroids I should avoid,

But when relaxing out in space,

Popping them pimples, on your face,

Sometimes you don't see those rocks, until their resting beneath your roid.

THE CREEPY LITTLE HOMINID, THINKS I'M HIS UNCLE LEE

There is a little hominid, and he thinks I'm his Uncle Lee,

I am clearly a spider monkey, a spider monkey, I be,

I do not walk on two hind legs,

I swing through trees, and eat bird eggs.

We're not at all the same species, we differ genetically.

GOATS ON THE WATER ATTACK

My trailer was surrounded by mean, billy goats,

They came ashore at the lakefront, in motor boats,

I knew I couldn't win,

As they chewed the tin,

They ate the trailer, and stuff I stored in my totes.

DON'T CUT YOUR FINGERS OFF, WHEN YOU TRIM YOUR BEARD

I tried wearing a real long, silvery beard,

It was shiny and looked unnatural, weird,

It made me cough,

I cut it off,

I cut my finger, and my eyes really teared.

THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS YOUR NEPHEW

There was an obese hominid, living in my maple tree,

He said that I was his uncle, he then called me, Uncle Lee,

I said, "that can't be,

It's science, you see,

Because you're an ugly hominid, and I'm a cute monkey."

ME, THE WEAVE AND OFFICER STEVE

When I drive down the street, I like to do the weave,

That's why I got arrested by Officer Steve,

He said I looked pale,

He put me in jail,

I had to pay lots of bail, before I could leave.

BENNY AND THE LITTLE FUGUE

Benjamin played the Little Fugue by J. S. Back,

He uploaded it to the app they call Tic Tok,

They say, Benny played pretty good,

On his recorder, made of wood,

Benny performed in a row boat, tied to a dock.

MR. POE, MADE ME KNOW, WHAT I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW

At 13, I read a horror story, by Eddie Poe,

The story was so scary, I could not walk, I couldn't go,

It frightened, so bad,

When I was a lad,

I wish the story I never read, and would never know.

LEACHES, PEACHES AND UNIVERSE X

I moved to a parallel universe, and the creatures there were leeches,

The only food that I could find there, were the leeches and jar-canned peaches,

Peaches were a special treat,

Leaches were a funny meat,

I found a recipe book, and combining weird foods is what it teaches.

SHE WENT FROM BEAN TO MEAN, MY MAYBERRY-DEAN

My sassy, little monkey's name was Mayberry-Dean,

She ate all her dinner, but got gassed up by the bean,

We made her stay ten feet away,

Until the start of the next day,

When she got done being gassy, then she was real mean.

PORCH PIRATE SUPPER WITH FRIENDS, NOT

My neighbor made some delicious, pirate soup,

It came from canned goods, he stole off someone's stoop,

He also stole some bread,

Wanted crackers, instead,

Then came knocking at the door, the police troop.