A FOOL AND HIS APPENDAGES ARE SOON PARTED

The greatest thing about my frostbite is that it killed my ticks and fleas,

My body was so itchy, that's why I let my entire self freeze,

I can't feel appendages; don't care,

As long as it brings my bugs, despair,

Doctors said they'll cut off my frozen parts with a saw; claimed, it's a breeze.

MY BIG, MONSTER COUGAR WAS HUNGRY

I saddled up my big cougar, and road that monster to the store,

I went inside to buy just beans, because we are the living poor,

When I was walking out,

I heard a human shout,

I caught my big, monster cougar eating people; I counted four.

Snow Fairies

I saw through the window snow fairies were acting high and jolly,

They were chewing on the green, green leaves that coat my climbing holly,

There was much snow and wind blow,

So I watched from the window,

One of the fairies looked like my cat, now I call them both, Polly

LORD OF THE SPRAY

I went to war with all the varied species of flies,

The flies readied for war, their buzzes were battle cries,

I did a human battle yell,

It made the flies dark masses swell,

So, I took out my fly spray, and all the flies, they dies.

I WENT TO KALAMAZOO BAR SCHOOL

I went away to Kalamazoo bar school, and learned how to tend booze bar,

I graduated, found a job right away, and patrons filled my tip jar,

They gave me coins and bills,

And, many unknown pills,

I was becoming a fabulous drink master, a big, booze slinging, star.

TENT RENT IS TOO DANG HIGH

I rented a very small tent, so I could survive,

That's how I kept all my pets, and all my kids alive,

My tent-lord raised the rent,

Which got me angle bent,

We moved to an abandoned dumpster; it is a dive.

LONDON DINNER DATE 1794

How are you doing, my little, dear, dear darling,

 I brought you some flowers; they cost me a farthing,

You like dates with a dinner?

I found a public winner,

I will take you to the pub; The Old Black Starling.

BEETHOVEN PLAYS THE ZOO

I saw Ludwig Beethoven down by the old, condemned, public, animal zoo,

He was performing his Fifth Symphony on a Dollar General kazoo,

He did a squeak and a squawk,

Scared off the nest, a ma hawk,

The Kazoo was complicated to play, and Ludwig played a bad note or two.

NEVER COMFORT A HURT GATOR

I stopped my pickup to see about giving a gator, aid,

He was gimping down the highway, near the old pinball arcade,

I asked him, "you're dragging your foot,

Did y'all catch it on a root?

The gator gobbled me down; that's how my kindness was repaid.

SPARKLERS AND THE DIRE COLD

The winter is so dire; I got out my sparklers from last Fourth of July,

I lit them, and they reminded me of summer months, and those thoughts made me cry,

Perhaps, my wicked ways I must mend,

To save my life from a frostbite end,

Perhaps, I'll not change at all, and wait through the dire, until the robins fly.

AFTER COLLEGE, GEN X FRIENDS

All my old college buds are ghouls, and each one loves to throw a dinner party,

I have to go because I am nice, and to be polite, I eat up, hearty,

They have a limited cuisine,

Only ghoul food (peep meat), I mean,

They serve the peep meat medium rare, or raw, but the raw makes the ghouls, farty.