ODE TO THE PENNY AND THE STARFISH

The last penny I own, I threw into the sea,

To sink to the starfish, to keep its company,

The dollar is the new penny,

I do not have very many,

Inflation is so bad, it stinks to be a me.

I SHOWED UNCLE JOE, THE DOE I GOT WITH MY BOW

I went to the cemetery to visit Uncle Joe,

His tiny headstone was all covered with new fallen snow,

Both of my hands were gloved,

One gave the snow a shove,

I showed Joe a pic of my big deer, no points, its a doe.

MONKEY BRAIN INSANE.

There was a brain eating monkey that entered my ear,

The monkey is small, but he's eating my brains, I fear

My big eyeballs twitch and twirl,

Makes my stomach want to hurl,

Maybe a cure for Monkey Brain, will come yet this year.

IF YOUR LIFE STINKS, BLAME THE GNOMES

My broke parents are canceling our Christmas, this year,

No cookies for elves, and Santa won't get his wheat beer,

Wow, our dinner menu is to please,

It's macaroni and yellow cheese,

My present is a stick, that garden gnomes will soon fear.

I EYEBALL VOLLEYBALL

I was fishing in a boat on a bay, when a unicorn swam in from the sea,

The unicorn had four legs and a golden saddle, and was beckoning to me,

I hopped upon his sea saddle,

He swam, I didn't have to paddle,

He swam me to a team finals volleyball beach; seems they needed a referee.

BIG BUCK, SON OF THE DEER HUNTER

In my previous life, I was a big, buck deer,

I would run through the big, spruce forest, full of fear,

A hunter shot me,

And, food I did be,

Now, I'm the Hunter's son, and deer season is near.

THE RESTRICTED PENNY

I am an 80 year old beggar, and I live on the street,

People throw me a penny, and tell me, just spend it to eat,

I give them a big, giant grin,

Tell them, I'm spending it on sin,

Watching their persnickety reactions, is one joyful, great treat.

I REPURPOSED THE MICE IN MY HOUSE

My warm home was full of hundreds of mice, and I noticed they were real fury,

I wanted to catch them and make a coat, but they were always in a hurry,

So, I caught the mice with a quickie,

Rodent traps with a side that's sticky,

I cleaned out the bones and guts, then took the furs to a coat maker, named Murray.  .

ATTACK OF THE SNOUT FLIES

It got so warm in my little cabin, the flies hatched out,

They were buzzing all around, and buzz singing all about,

I whacked them with the fly swatter,

When they pooped in my tea potter,

Several big flies attacked me, by flying up my snout.

LITTLE BOX HOME LIVING

My health insurance, now costs twice as much as my high rent,

So, I gave up my apartment, to live in a small tent,

But, I found a nice box downtown,

Into that, I will settle down,

I'll build a fire inside, after I punch out a vent.

THE MACAROON MOON

I went far off into space to find me a livable moon,

I wanted to move to a nice, warm moon, and move there real soon,

I found one that was pretty,

The moon was itty bitty,

My family all moved there, and baked two types of macaroon.

I STAND STRAIGHT UP, BUT DIZZY

I grow red potatoes on the side of a steep hill,

Most people can't quite stand up straight, but I have that skill,

I go hoe, hoe, hoe, hoe,

Then my potatoes grow,

Sometimes I get dizzy, until I take my heart pill.

FACE VS THE MAPLE TREE

I ran my new bicycle into a big maple tree,

I lost all my front teeth, and some stored brain cell history,

In the hospital bed, I bled,

From the gaping holes in my head,

I hope that I heal fast, so back to biking I will be.

MY CHICKEN AND THE TWO LITTLE EGGS

My chicken laid two little eggs that I fried up with some ham,

The kids did not like breakfast; they wanted bacon flavored Spam,

They had cereal with sugar,

The youngest one, picked a booger,

I ate the eggs and ham, with toast dripping with blackberry jam.

SOME CALL HIM A THIEF, I CALL HIM A WITCH

Bling, Bong, I do fear, the real wicked witch is named, Ned,

He got his powers from his big, bad daddy called, Fred,

Ned will steal frozen meats,

From markets that sell eats,

Ned squats in people's homes, sleeping in the softest bed..

IN NATURE, SIZE MATTERS

Winter came and brought misery, misery, I am told,

It blocked the paths of all creatures, and suffered them, the cold,

Cold hurts the face, and ears, and icy little paws,

It favors those with talons, teeth and sharpened claws,

I'm a bear napping in my cave, and on that life I'm sold.

I'M AN EGGHEAD WHO SCOOPS POOP FOR A LIVING

When I was admired as a scholar,

I never made one single whole dollar,

My mind was prepared,

Yet, nobody cared,

I'm paid to walk dogs leashed to a collar.

I TENT AND HAVE NEVER CAVED

I was told that in debates, I consistently cave,

That opinion came from my hero, big Brother Dave,

But, no cave have I been,

I do tent, now and then,

Ben said I should use the brain cells, that nature had gave.

PEAR PREJUDICE

I thought of eating pears, about mid-week,

So, it was off to the store, to pear seek,

Well, seekers beware,

There were no pears there,

I heard one clerk say, "another pear freak".

SAFE, AFFORDABLE HOUSING WITH MA AND BERT

I build myself a small, livable yurt,

Along comes a wind, I sleep on just dirt,

My yurt blows far away,

It sinks out in the bay,

I move home with mom, and stepdad named, Bert.

SLEEPY ROGER AND THE RAT

One pound of water and five pounds of milk fat,

That is the composition of my dumb cat,

His name is Old Sleepy Roger,

He's an activity dodger,

The last time he moved, he was bit by a rat.

His last move was when he was bit by a rat.