GRADUATE AND FIND OUT

I went to a senior party, near the lake, and the piers,

We built a big fire, so we'd have light to find our beers,

It was long past our graduation day,

But, we were not happy, in any way,

We were now all done with school, and had unemployment fears.

6925

THREE LITTLE GRAY MICE LIMERICK

There once were three little gray mice,
They tunneled deep beneath the ice,
They ran into a red fox,
Who liked mice with his lox,
He served them in a side dish with rice.

72223

TRINA'S NEW, FUN HOBBY

 Trina walked on the shore, picking up dead, stinky fish, pee-you,

She left one in her mommy's new car, and daddy's pickup, too,

She left one under brother's bed,

He did not notice, enough said,

She fed the worst one to her cat, it was just bones, scales and goo.

BFF BLUE PIG

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud,

I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud,

He let on a big, loud squeal,

Like a braked Chevy wheel,

The water was too hot, and boiled my best bud.

12724

TENT CAMPING WITH TILDA

Tilda the Tent kept everyone warm,

Tilda kept heads dry during the thunderstorm,

The lightning came free,

Striking both tent posts and me,

Tilda the tent was now in rag form.

31023

THE CASE OF THE CRACK IN SPACE

When I was trekking out in deep, dark space,

My spacecraft battery got a crack in its case,

But, all was just fine,

I ordered a new one online,

It was delivered the next day, Ace! 

1922

THIS IS THE LAST YEAR, I'M GOING SURFING IN THE FALL

Today, I went Fall surfing, and ooh, the water, it was so cold,

I progressed along my age timeline, 100 years; I feel old,

Now I have a big, healthy cough,

It's pneumonia; I feel off,

I've just been measured for a casket, and I'm told my house is sold.

FAT CALORIES ARE BETTER THAN NO CALORIES

 I went to the grocery store, hoped to buy a giant can of beans,

I've got 15, very heavy kids to feed, and 9 of them are teens,

I was ready to load my van,

But, the store only had one can,

I fried the beans in chicken fat; the kids will have to live within means..

GOURD SEASON IS UPON US

 I went out to my fall squash garden, and picked my precious gourds,

The bad ones will fatten my pigs, the good ones, I'll dry and hoards,

When they are dried hard and clean,

I'll sell them at Halloween,

Last year at the Fall Festival, I won the most gourd awards.

JIMMY AND THE WINTER BURST

There was a twisting snownado that froze Jimmy's pipes,

The family couldn't flush the toilet, after their wipes,

It all made Jimmy mad,

His pipes froze, really bad,

Then all of his pipes burst, and his family had gripes.

12724

TRANSPORTATION WOES

My used, old car broke down, while I traveled the highway today,

It's underneath an overpass, where it will forever stay,

Someone might steal it for parts,

Then sell the parts to car marts,

I cannot afford a new car, so it's bus riding each way.

DENISE AND BACON LIMERICKS

There was a girl named Denise,
Her favorite food was bacon grease,
As for the bacon,
She found it chewy and forsaken,
But, the tasty aspects of grease gave her peace.

Denise loved her bacon grease, it is true,
She liked to sniff it like model airplane glue,
With her sister's she'd wage war,
During breakfast and times more,
Denise loved bacon grease, rancid or new.

51722

BEARS IN THE BACK WOODS DRIVE

Four Teddy bears in a Lamborghini, went out back roads, cruising,

The car ran off the road and crashed, because the driver was snoozing,

When the Lamborghini hit a tree,

The doors popped open; bears were free,

They were all found safe and sound, an glad the cops caught no one boozing.

51825

MY FLUGELHORN PAID FOR RENT AND FOOD

All I want for Christmas is a brand new flugelhorn,

A truck ran over my old one, and made my horn unborn,

I play my horn at the corner and get tossed one cent,

When I get enough pennies, I go and pay my rent,

If I have money left over, I can sup on canned cream corn.

122323

RED LIKES A COLD BED

There was a red planet, way, way up in the sky,

By the blue planet, sometimes it made a flyby,

It didn't stay there too long,

Because blue had it wrong,

Further out from the sun was the best place to lie.

THE WALKING CAREER DAY

I once worked in a factory, and oh, what a bore,

I once checked out groceries at a grocery store,

I worked in cable news,

Got hooked on the booze,

I now bounce people like me, out a taverns backdoor.

WHAT I'VE DONE SINCE COLLEGE

I studied corporate finance, also quantum physics too,

I got a job in banking, managed money, for people like you,

Then the securities market tanked

My security licence was yanked,

Now I'm in a federal prison, but I got a window view.

THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

102124

WHEN THE BEAR POUND, I GO UNDERGROUND

I heard a loud pound, pound, pounding on my door in back,

It was a grizzly bear, wanting his afternoon snack,

The old grizzly wanted me,

To digest in his belly,

I hid in the basement, because courage I did lack.

81624

THE OLD MAN IN THE SHOE WILL PAINT YOUR BOUEY

My full name is Little Uncle Huey,

I live in  a old beer stinker, shoey,

I have lived here for lots of years,

Raised a family; many tears,

I'll paint a Monet on your bouey.

FLYING PIG LIMERICK

Everyone wonders "when pigs fly?,"

I happen to know it’s on the 4th of July,,

They strap on firecrackers that night,

Then, they light them and fly out of sight, 

When the bombs burst, bacon falls from the sky. 

92123

  

ONLINE TUNA FISH AND HOMEMADE WINE

I ordered some tuna fish, online,

I opened the can and it smelled fine,

I ate it and drank homemade red wine,

I got gassy bubbles, a bad sign,

They buried me in a box; white pine.

 4824

MY TRAVELS ABROAD, 1962

I went down to New Zealand to see what was new,

The waves were real splashy, and the water was blue,

There were giant mountains on Cook,

I took a panoramic look,

Back home, I took days to rest; I needed a few.

THE BULLIES AND MY CRINGE

They were so mean and so nasty, that I did a cringe,

Then I went on a big tater tot consumption binge,

They said I'm squishy like a toad,

Smell like something dead on the road,

Then I lit up a cigar, just to poke their coats a singe. 

The family wanted me to treat,

By paying for a burger-fries eat,

But they are full of vicious deceit,

They never can lift the toilet seat,

So no to treat of taters and meat.  

11822

THE FAMILY MORTGAGE PROBLEM

I lost my home because of mortgage debt, now the wife and kids are gone,

They're really super mad at me, because all their stuff I had to pawn,

They're ignorant snowflakes,

What daddy buys, sometimes he takes,

They should have stayed with me in our tent, and I'd make them pancakes at dawn.