VAMPIRE ON THE BEACH

The vampire was in his coffin, and it was sitting by the great sea,

The coffin was hidden by some bushes, and guarded by a bumblebee,

When darkness came about,

The vampire came out,

Midnight swimmers every night, met the vampire, and eternity.

SLOWLY, THE REPTILES WIN

I have noticed that local snakes, and our creepy lizards are bigger in size,

Their growth awakens an ancient prejudice; a wish for reptilian demise,

My feelings are condemned as a sin,

But, I fear the reptiles may win,

If they start by eating my pets, then my family, that would be no surprise.

BANJO BOB AND THE DARLENES: A GHOST BAND

The spirit legend says, Banjo Bob And The Darlenes, still perform,

In Marquette, Michigan, during every deadly, cold, snow storm,

They're a hillbilly, punk, jazz band,

They never take a moral stand,

They froze to death on their bus in '88;  they failed to stay warm.

THE GROCERY APOCALYPSE

The grocery prices are so high; it is bad, not good,

Neighbors are now cannibals; it is not safe in my hood,

The bugs under my door,

Are my only food store,

I've sent the wife out to a stump; there's termites in the wood.

WHAT I WILL DO FOR MY PIZZA, RAVE PARTY

I went out to dig a body ditch, also known as a grave,

Down to the body box of Dear Henry, a bro and a knave,

Bro Henry, in life,

Stole Sarah, my wife,

And, Henry has my pizza coupons, that I need for my rave.

VAMPIRE STAKED

Vivian, the immortal vampire, who lives next door,

Used his fangs, drank my blood, now my neck has a big, fang, sore,

I stabbed him with a steak,

But, made a big mistake,

The steak should be wooden, not beef steak from the local store.

THE CONQUISTADORS FROM PLANET EARTH

We're launching our great spacecraft, out to claim planets of the nearest stars,

I'm working with a new AI co-pilot, his name is, "Blast E'm" Lars,

There's six decks of cows to eat,

Warriors love their red, raw meat,

We ate a thousand cows, when we destroyed the empire, found on Mars.

ICKY VICKY THE SPIDER

Icky, Vicky the spider, sat in her spiderweb with her face all in a pout,

She had not had any juicy flies to eat; she just sat there drinking down a stout, 

Icky Vicky did something that was really bad,

She did to her spouse, what her ma did to her dad,

There wasn't much evidence left about, except chewed spider legs, cleared away doubt.

GRANDPA BLOODSUCKER

My granddad was born in 1795,

I do not know how, but granddad is still alive,

He only comes out at night,

Disappears by first daylight,

They say he must drink fresh, human blood to survive.

THE CORN MOON BANCHEE

The Corn Moon rises up into the September sky,

Forest monsters are dancing, and weird pumpkins, they fly,

The great pigs we baste and roast,

Feeding any passing ghost,

While just this side of the Moore's, there's a lone banshe cry.

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WEREWOLF WAITING

There was a werewolf waiting up in an oak tree,

He was waiting there for hours, just for me,

He jumped down on my head,

Made me feel half dead,

Then he took off saying, he had to go pee.

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WHY I'M HIDING IN THE BARN

There was a goblin in my shower,

He was nine feet tall, that goblin tower,

He was all teeth and scales,

So, I made screams and wails, 

Then, I ran to the barn where I cower. 

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THE SUBURBAN LEGEND OF THE TURD

I have a thriving business, that sucks out your stinky, septic tank,

The sewage is for me, an investment in my money market, bank,

One day, there rose from a tank, dead,

A cold turd monster, some call Fred,

I smacked Fred hard on the head with my shovel, and down, the big turd sank.

SAND BEACH SUMMER PARK AND THE DRAGON

A dragon walked into the Sand Beach Summer Park,

He chewed on the visitors, until it got dark,

As the last person got chewed,

The dragon didn't see more food,

He meandered to the woods, to gnaw on some bark.

I INCUBATE THE EGGS, FOR THOSE THAT HAVE BUG LEGS

It was mid-July, and the horizon star drowned, and bugs came out to deep bite,

They started biting my toes, and ended in my hair; that is my entire height, 

I bathed in a bug killer spray,

The carnivores stayed, anyway, 

The bugs kept chewing, deep into my skin; they laid their eggs, and no, I'm not right.

THE HOLIDAY ELF FROM BEL

Friday The Thirteenth, is every time,  such a big hassle,

Everyone is fear filled, so they hold down in their castle,

But, the creature with crunching jaws,

Tightest buns, and long, sharp claws,

Will appear this night, wearing only, a pointy hat and tassel. 

EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY, GOT CANNED

The next door, family of cannibals, put me, and my family in jars,

We were all set in front of a window, so at night, we can all watch the stars,

We're together, that's not, so bad,

But, as they eat each jar, that's sad,

There's always a chance, the cannibals will be found out, and soon be behind bars.

LITTLE GARGOYLES ARE CUTE, BUT I GAVE THEM THE BOOT

I did my daily doomscrolling after midnight,

The spirits squeezed up to my body, really tight,

On all the channels I could see,

Videos strictly about me,

Fighting gargoyles, that were one tenth of my height.

THE HOWLING HOOD HUNTER

My doctor told me I was a werewolf, and there is nothing he can do,

Forever, I'll be howling at the moon, whenever it is full or new,

I will move out to the deep woods,

Where I can hunt Red Ridding Hoods,

Maybe I will learn to hunt some other Hoods, like yellow, green, black or blue.

BLOODSHOT: A VAMPIRE LIMERICK

Late at night, something scratched at my window, while I laid in bed,

I ignored it for a while, then it was scratching on my head,

It was a vampire rousing my veins,

He drank the blood headed into my brains,

Everyone at work next day, said my eyes were bloodshot red.