MEAT + RUG = COST OF A SLUG

I went out to my chicken coup, and ran into a big bear,

He had eaten all of my chickens, but I really didn't care,

For the cost of a slug,

I got a bear skin rug,

I barbeque bear meat for the kids;  my bear stake I eat rare.

EOW PREPPER: DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY, MY WAY

I've stored away over 1 1/2 tons of dried rice, beans and potatoes,

I have 7,000 cans of various types of delicious tomatoes,

It took me great time to learn,

About the fuels to burn,

I prepared for the end the right way, but my sister moved down to Barbados.

I WENT TO THE STORE

I went to the store and the prices were  so high,

I complained about prices to the checkout guy,

Then he called the cops, 

They gave me some bops,

I went to the hospital, but I did not die.

THE SQUIRRELS AND THE NERD

My backpack was full of candy bars, filled with chocolate cream,

The squirrels that were following me, had developed a scheme,

I was a nerd, who wore tin braces,

They tied together, my shoelaces,

I tripped and fell down, and my backpack they swarmed, like a bee team.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES MADE A PLAN

Squeaky Squires laid out a detailed business plan,

To sell cheap crap, and become a big, billionaire man,

Squeaky Squires built big box department stores,

Squeaky made millions just by opening doors,

Squeaky grew up eating sardines from a cheap, tin can.

OVER ECONOMICS, I FRET NO MORE

Prices have made my personal economics a huge disaster,

I had to sell my collection of knick knacks, carved from alabaster,

Poverty takes a terrible toll,

I steal food from the neighbor's doggy bowl,

I've been sold into bondage for my debts; hope I have a nice master.

GREET AND TACKLE: SQUEAKY SQUIRES' THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squire's opened dozens and dozens of stores,

They had greeters greeting customers at the front doors,

Greeters were looking for grifters.

Professional shoplifters,

When a thief was spotted, they were wrestled to the floors.

BURGUNDY BLUE RETURNS

It was the return to the city of Burgundy Blue

She was a singer, and dancer and great puppeteer, too.

She knew just how to entertain,

The Genius mind and the half brain,

She would bring down the complete house, in an hour or two.

I'M AN EOW PREPPER.

I'm preparing for the end of the world, nosey ones say,

I've got ninety-five jars of peanut butter, all put away,

I've got a thousand jars of jelly,

Because it fattens a starved belly,

I have a million cans of soda, to clear my throat each day.

IN A SNOW BANK

I slept inside a snowbank, because it is so cold,

It's a hard thing to do, when you're 100 years old,

My increased mortgage, I couldn't pay,

The bank took my small home away,

This may change my future plans, at least how they unfold.

MY DONKEY RAN OFF TO A WARMER CLIMATE

There was a terrible snow blizzard, and my donkey ran far away,

I lost him in the blowing snow, he's in South America, some say,

My donkey was my transport to the village store,

Without him, I can't get groceries, anymore,

My stomach, in one place it won't stay, since I've been eating donkey hay.

THE RETURN OF THE ROBIN RED BREAST

From the south the robin red-breasted came flying,

I was quite tempted and imagined him frying,

Alas, the better angels in me,

Said, "let the red-breasted be free,"

I was appalled, watching the little worms dying.

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I WENT FISHING ON THE IDES OF MARCH

I rowed out upon the bay to fish, on the Ides of March,

I wanted some protein to fry, with my potato starch,

I was caught with some ale,

The police put me in jail,

I stayed there 60 years, and my back bent into an arch.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES' THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squires' put a chip in my brain,

So I could cashier at his store up in Maine,

We sell veggies by weights,

Expired goods with old dates,

I'll be your checkout if you use the fast lane.

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WHEN I EAT PERCH AND THEN SLEEP

Every time I eat fried perch and then sleep,

I dream I'm swimming in, out waters, in the way dark and deep,

I'm chased by walleye while, tiny fry are my meat,

I make quick choices to survive and maybe to eat,

And, all around I sense monsters: in the darkness they creep.  

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HENRY WAS MY DEMON FRIEND

Henry was a little demon; a little demon Henry was,

He always got his hair cut in a fun style, he called a "buzz",

Henry baked a nice pudding cake,

He took it to my cousin's wake,

I asked Henry why he  baked a cake, Henry replied, "just because".

THE SIMPLE WINNER

I won a set of new screwdrivers at the bingo hall,

I was so excited, when I got that last number call,

My porch has a loose board,

Now if a screw, I could afford?

I could stand on the board, and stand there real tall.

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