I'M THE BATTER OF THE BALL SATELLITE

I hit a baseball with a ball bat,

The ball flew into space like a sat,

For a minute that night,

I watched my satellite,

It burned up in the sky, that was that.

72024

INVESTING

I was taught to invest and to save,
It was the only way to behave,
But, things are not sunny,
I lost all of my money,
Investing dug my future it's grave.

92320

MY PET BAT PICKED BAD FRIENDS

My pet bat is loaded with lice,

He hangs out too much with field mice,

Having really bad friends,

Has led my bat to bad ends,

So, before making new friends he'll think twice.

9422
 

HOME EQUITY: IT PUTS GAS IN THE TANK

I drove my pickup truck to the gas station to put gas in my gas tank,

First, I had to get a bank loan, which was backed by the home of Uncle Hank,

High gas prices give me depression,

I have an unhappy confession,

My uncle will be losing his home, when I can't make payments to the bank.

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THE BEEF POEM

Beef is a prized and expensive thing,
When a customer buys, the butcher angels sing,
And, the cash register has a louder ring,
Beef is so expensive to the billfold it's a sting,
It's even replaced gold as one's favorite kind of bling,

Beef!

102421

I WAS SENT TO A DETENTION CENTER

My parents sent me to a detention center, also known as bedroom,18

They told me I must stay in the facility, until I learned how to groom,

They ordered I cut the hair growing from my ears,

Then, told me cut my nose hairs; that brought me to tears,

Nose hairs really make the man, that is the judgement of all my county peers.

THE GREAT TUNA GOD

The great, grand tuna god of elves, trolls and gnomes,

He is always reciting gross, fishy poems,

He likes poems about bass,

Because they rhyme with gut gas,

And, poems about dog fish with rabies, and mouth foams.

123123

TRINA AND THE HAIR DRYER SAGA

Trina used a big hair dryer to dry her runny nose,

She burnt up her nose hairs, the ashes fell upon her clothes,

Her fancy white blouse was stained black,

So, Trina slipped into her shack,

Trina changed to a clean blouse, and clipped in her hair, two bows.

61624

BEAST OF BURDEN: BEER UP THE REAR

I am a great beast of burden, they call me Ox,

I pull behind me a plain, wooden, big box,

Bar folk are sniffing up my rear,

The 18 barrels of fresh beer,

The boozers heckle me, I think they should all detox.

CORN KERNEL DAN LIVES AGAIN

Our hero, Kernel Dan got pooped out of a real sick chicken,

Then along came a gray, sneaky snake, and he was Dan lickin,

The big snakes digestion was mean,

But, Dan came through it feeling clean,

Dan passed to the snake a pathogen, and the snake did sicken.

THE MICHIGAN OMNIVORE

In Michigan, for a meal to score,
You must become an omnivore,
With finances unkind,
You eat what you find,
On the dirt, the bush, or the floor.

WHO SHIFTED THE WINDOW? REWRITING THE HUMAN MIND

I went into politics, because I wanted to build a time machine,

I wanted to save my father, who died when I was just fifteen,

I knew only the power of government could yield,

The resources needed for a temporal field,

I recruited another young man to assist, but a paradox was unforseen.

THE PSYCHIC NASAL PROJECTILE

There is a brilliant, young, sentient being that spit out of Joe's nose,

It has fantastic psychic powers, it seems the future, it knows,

It says,"this booger is drying,

In booger terms, I am dying,"

Then says, "don't worry; Joe's nose has an infinite number of blows.

THE RED PLANET FROZEN BARS

So, methinks I was headed up to Mars,

But my spaceship fell back down and crushed cars,

I got a lawsuit,

From each crushed toot, toot,

Now I deliver to stores, ice cream bars.

91024

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF WOOLWORTHS

Every time a Woolworths Store closed, another city died,

I always went to Woolworths to get a coffee, and be pied.

In America The Beautiful, we put our hopes,and dreams,

But, down came the Woolworth stores, for real estate tax schemes,

Now we are lost in a world of psychotic themes,

Too late for blaming those who profited and lied,

Where do I go to get a coffee and be pied?

I CAME UPON A FOREST FROG

I came upon a green forest frog,
He barked just like a domestic dog,
He had a bad habit,
He liked to hunt rabbit,
When they bit him he ran under a log.

George the frog would hunt for bunny,
He wanted to get one and make some money,
He hunted with a gun,
But, it was no fun,O
George decided to hunt bees for their honey.

4122

TWIN PEAKS SPREAD IT TO HUNTER CAT

I wandered downstairs, and found some beautiful antiques,

They were loaded with mice, so there were plenty of eeks,

So, I called down my hunter, cat, 

He ate each mouse, right where it sat,

But, my cat got the rabies from a rat named, Twin Peaks.

KNEE KNOCKERS, BB BALLS AND GNOMES

My statues have some limitations; they stand only 2 feet tall,

When I knock them over, they break, then they are not statues at all,

I don't mind breaking garden gnomes,

Not crazy for their chromosomes,

Then my nephew destroys all the rest, firing his BB ball.

10123

DOOMSCROLLING AGAIN

We doomscrollers panic, as the whole world turns and burns,

Most people are just interested in social concerns,

Concerned with a coworkers passion for leather clothes,

Or, that cousin Judy got a fix job on her nose,

Soon, I'll join my family; the dead people in the urns.

THE ORGAN GRINDER

Jim the organ grinder, made tunes from his organ grinding pipes, 

He sold bananas on the street corner, two different types,

His noise brought customers in,

To select bananas, from his bin,

He divided his bananas into green ones, and the ripes.

61325

INVITE ME

When you have that party, on last Saturday, then why didn't you ask me?

I wouldn't had drank up all your alcohol, because all I drink is tea,

I sit sober on a couch or a chair,

Giving  guests a quick glance, and friendly stare,

I'm always the life of the party, and I bring finger snacks for free.

GREASE SHRAPNEL AND MY TATTERS

In the deep dish fry pan, my potatoes pop and sing, 

They spit grease shrapnel in my pretty face, and bee sting,

They smell so yummy,

To this old rummy,

All toasty gold, soon the taters swill be belly bling.

WHO BROUGHT THE GUILLOTINE TO THE PARTY

Where did my peasants get the guillotine? That answer, I really want to know,

I ordered them all destroyed, after I used them to deal with my worker foe,

The peasants will soon chop off my royal head,

Clean the brains out, and fill the inside with lead,

Then they will fire it out of a cannon; that thought fills me with dread and woe.