MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER, I WISHED WE HAD NEVER MET

My significant other, gave me a super surprise, significant, final divorce,

My significant other, got a significant settlement, via the court, of course,

My other, got our new house,

I got our dead cats toy mouse,

My significant other gets alimony, but where's my significant income source.

SOMETIMES WE PUNISH THE VICTIM OF A CRIME

I'm a fist sized rock, and I was lying there for years, very peaceful, on the ground,

Some kid grabbed and threw me through a big, glass window; I made a loud, terrible sound,

I was doing nothing on the hard floor,

A policeman came, and moved me once more,

Now, I sit in an evidence room, waiting for the perpetrator to be found.

I SHARED MY FEELINGS FOR THE BOSS; OUT THE DOOR, MY CAREER GOT TOSSED

I had been popping magic gummies all day long,

That got me fired, was I so morally wrong?

I danced a little bit,

The big boss had a fit,

So, I sang the boss a romantic love song.

THE GREASY, STINKY, SIMPLE BOY CAME CLEAN

My grandpa said my hair was too greasy, my grandma said I smell,

They took me out back of the house, and dropped me down their garden well,

They threw me down some soap and said,

Clean yourself from toes to your head

After I came up from the well, I got to ring the dinner bell.

THE DOG WHO DUG TOO MUCH

I'm a doggy and I dig deep in the dirt; I dig in snow,

I'll dig into anything, even where a doggy shouldn't go,

One day, I felt extremely brave,

I dug into a black bear cave,

Doggy meat makes black bear fur shine, and it also makes it grow.

DRAGONS BE THERE

In the great pond, near the new castle, a dragon be there,

Turning green the vast waters, and above, clouding the air,

The great dragon was guarded by clouds,

As he hunted within tourist crowds,

He took many from they're number, yet no one seemed to care.

THE GIANT ANTS, LIKE A HEART ATTACK, CAME FOR ME

Huge ants came pouring out of a twenty foot tall, ant hill,

At first, it was a strange, backyard, observable, rare thrill,

Then the ants covered me,

I was they're meal, you see,

I felt chest pain, and managed to swallow, my last heart pill.

THE ALGAE FROM OUTER SPACE

There is a conspiracy to spread green algae, all over the place,

I found hardened algae in my left nostril, and elsewhere on my face,

Algae covers my teeth and gums,

It's in my brain; I can't math sums,

AI says, the algae comes from invaders, who come from outer space.

HUCKLEBERRY PIE FOR SAYING, "THANK YOU"

I went way out to the swamp bushes to pick huckleberries, today,

I picked 2 pecks of nice big fat ones, then back to home, I made my way,

I had more than enough berries for a pie,

The rest I froze, or left out to solar dry,

The pie was good, and everyone got some, with just a "thank you", to pay.

I'LL BE A DANCING TIKTOK TRILLIONAIRE

I dumped my lifetime of savings into rocket ship stock,

I lost all of my money, now my gold fillings I hock,

I live on oatmeal and beer,

But, I feel a bit of cheer,

I hope to make money from my dancing vids on TikTok.

I CAN MAKE MILLIONS MORE AND FEED THE POOR

Everyday, I notice the many homeless, starving people we pass,

As my driver drives me to social events of my upper, uber class,

Then my brain with social rot,

Thought up a money jackpot,

I could feed the poor and cut yard care costs, by having homeless eat yard grass.

THE ACCOUNTANT WHO THINKS OUTSIDE THE BOX, WILL LIVE IN ONE

I once worked hard in school, and earned the credentials of a CPA,

Then, the feds raided my office, and they locked me far, far away,

When my firms debt was mounting,

I used much creative accounting,

I was the company hero, but feds said, the law I didn't obey.

FROM BALER BOY TO TRUCK UNLOADER: THE AMERICAN DREAM

My feet are swollen, my back bones aches, and my legs are throbbing, sore,

My body and my work environment, are in a constant war,

I load and unload semi-truck trailers,

A step up from running cardboard to balers,

My boss, all day, says to pick up the pace, or I'll be out the door.

RETIREMENT: MILLION DOLLAR TV ACTING JOB TO DOING COMMUNITY THEATRE FOR FREE

I was an actor in a Hollywood TV show, when they fired the entire cast,

We had become too old, so they replaced us with kids, who had barely a teenager past.

I'm not saying what the network did was right,

But, the ratings skyrocketed overnight,

Old actors still have Shakespeare community theater; to fit into tights, we'll have to fast.

CARRIE CHEATS AT CHECKERS

Little Carrie likes to cheat at checkers,
Making false kings via double-deckers,
If you turn away for a time,
She'll add crowns down the line,
She is the queen of the fair game wreckers.

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BAD ROOMMATE: THE STORY OF PIGGY PAUL

My dorm room is quickly shrinking, becoming small,

Because of my self absorbed roommate, Piggy Paul,

He orders just pizza meals,

They're delivered on wheels,

Piggy lets the boxes stack up into the hall.

DIJON MAKES POVERTY EDIBLE

The cost of groceries has risen so extremely high,

I mix just some flour and water, and give it a fry,

Cooked flour is such a big blessing,

Just wish I had some salad dressing,

I found some Dijon mustard; I will give that stuff a try.

PETE THE OGRE

There was an ogre named Pete,
He kept his hovel real neat,
They thought he was mean,
Because he was clean,
They refused to sell him some meat.

Because the townspeople were so rude,
Pete the Ogre could buy no food,
So, instead of baked brownies,
Pete lunched on the townies,
Pete became a respectable dude.

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I RAISED THREE PIGS NAMED JASON

I raised three pigs named Jason,
They spent all their time horse-racing.
One day they went bold,
Their houses they sold,
They lost big while their pony was pacing.

The Jason’s were three brash little pigs,
They lived in really comfortable digs,
But, they bet all their money,
On a pony named Sony,
Now, they’re street vendors selling whiskey and cigs.

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ANOTHER FATHER'S DAY IN THE TOILET

Father's Day for my neighbor, was really nasty, and very sad,

All his eleven children,  are incredibly, sinister type, bad,

Spoiled eggs they did take,

To bake their dad a cake,

My neighbor spent the day painting porcelain; one unlucky dad.

CANDY BEARS AND THE DANCING DOG

My little dog, his name is Herman, and Herman loves to dance, 

He will dance a Polish polka or a German waltz, romance,

Herman does the twisty twist,

Celtic dancing in the mist,

Herman can even dance ballet, when in a gummy bear trance.

ZIPPY WINE: POWERED BY ANTIMATTER: ARRIVING AT A STORE NEAR YOU

I am making antimatter in my basement to power my rocket ship,

The energy will power me to fly across the universe zip, zip, zip,

Zippy will be my astronaut name,

Across all worlds I will have fame,

Everywhere, I'll sell my blackberry wine; it's brain quenching for a long trip.

HEMP TEA SECRET RECIPE.

Trina was looking for some pronouns, Trina was looking for some verbs,

Trina was building a sentence, while sipping a steaming, cup of hemp herbs,

Trina had felt her body overtaxed,

Trina was now feeling very relaxed,

Trina wouldn't share her tea recipe; it came from her mom's family, the Serbs.