UNHINGED TRUMPETER

Tory the 1st chair trumpeter, became quite unhinged,

Because on Johann S. Bach, all night she super binged,

Her lips were sore,

Her tongue was tore,

She started Toccata and Fugue, and her fingers cringed.

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WHEN MY FLUTE BREAKS, I BUY A BETTER ONE

My glass Pan flute fell onto the floor,

It shattered, and would toot never more,

I stepped above my class,

Bought a flute, made from brass,

I now toot until my lips are soar.

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THE ORGAN GRINDER

Jim the organ grinder, made tunes from his organ grinding pipes, 

He sold bananas on the street corner, two different types,

His noise brought customers in,

To select bananas, from his bin,

He divided his bananas into green ones, and the ripes.

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THE ENSEMBLE: STRINGS, SPOON AND BASSOON

My orchestral instrument is the tin spoon,

The guy sitting next chair, blows a wood bassoon,

When spoon hits bassoon wood,

The sound is mostly good,

Supported by strings, we make a pretty tune.

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SAMMY PLAYS AND LIVES THE BLUES

I once knew a heaping pig, and his name was Sammy Tews,

He played electric guitar, but only rhythm and blues,

Sammy played real well,

All the neighbors, do tell,

But he violated copyright, now he gets sues.

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THE TONE OF THE TOOTER

My tooter tooted a terrible tone,
The audience responded by giving my tooter the stone,
They showed what they meant,
When every stone made a dent,
My tooter's tone I'm needing to hone.

FINGER STUBS AND MY RECKONING WITH CHOPIN

Chopin cut off all my fingers because of the noise I made,

He said no amount of his lessons would give my talent aid,

Now, with just my 10 finger stubs,

I work at the gym giving rubs,

I fixed Chopin; the last lesson he gave me, I never paid.

THE BAT AND THE TOY PIANO MAKE BLING

There is a little bat that likes to loudly sing,

After eating some bugs, he will do his sing thing,

He will belt out in soprano,

While I play on my toy piano,

Since we've been on YouTube, we've been showered with bling.

LIVE AT THE COUNTRY OF THE BLIND BAR, GRILL & TAKE-OUT

I went to the "Country of the Blind," where the one-eyed man, he sings,

But, he didn't sing for nothing, and you had to pay with blings,

So, all my golden jewelry including my piercings and my rings,

I gladly turned it over, and the one-eyed man sings things,

The one eyed-man sings country western, while on tiny bells he dings,

Lastly, the one -eyed man walked off stage, and on his bag of gold, he clings.

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CRUSHED DREAMS OF THE CELLIST

My cello was run over by a sports car,

It's destroyed, now I won't be a cellist star,

I thought it wouldn't get injured,

So it was never insured,

I went from concerts, to tending a dive bar.

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WAGNER AIN'T NO BRAHMS

I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms,

When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms,

But, as the Valkyries roared,

My blood pressure soared,

Both armrests got all wet, from my tight gripping palms.

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CONCERT AND DINNER DATE MUSIC

Ferris played masterfully, an ancient instrument, called the harpsichord,

The elegant music was comforting, enchanting; a good soul's reward,

The enchantment was fleeting,

When Ferris finished, we went eating,

The music tape played at the restaurant, made my ears and taste buds, dead board.

I WRITE ETUDES FOR DUDES

I took some time to write some trumpet etudes,

They are used for practice by trumpeter dudes,

Separating men from boys,

They sounded like noise,

As controversial as museum art nudes. 

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I KNEW A BANJO PLAYER NAMED CLAY

I knew a banjo player named Clay,
And, boy could that hillbilly play,
From Mozart to Bach,
From Bluegrass to rock,
His music had something to say.

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DEAD DREAMS

I loved playing my dad's trumpet, and hoped a musician, I could one day, be,

When dad died, we moved to grandma's house, and she said my noise made her head dizzy,

Mom took my trumpet away,

She sold it cheap, on eBay,

The one activity I'm allowed, is watching soaps with grandma, on tv. 

BOURBON SAILING DID NOT END WELL FOR ME

My beautiful, brand new sailboat was seven meters long,

I named her after a punk band, The Seven Meters Song,

Because of bourbon and tea,

I was lost out on the sea,

And, ended up on the island where they worshiped King Kong.

I BLEW MY HORN AND NO ONE CAME

I played a trumpet solo at a theatre in Western Maine,

No audience showed up, so I felt intense, rejection pain,

The concert tickets were free,

If no one showed up, it's me,

What's more, there is a raging snowstorm, and I must catch a plane.

THE JAZZ BAND

I rocked out with tones on my electric guitar,

In a jazz band that played at a hillbilly bar,

We had a great base,

His solos were ace,

Our drummer was so poor, he lived under my car.

WITH TONE AND CONE, I WON FIRST BONE

I auditioned for the local orchestra, to play 1st chair trombone,

I played a song called "Om Papa", with my bone muted by a mute cone,

It took a little while, 

For my " Om Papa" style,

To captivate the judges, with my interpretation, style and tone.

MY FLUGELHORN PAID FOR RENT AND FOOD

All I want for Christmas is a brand new flugelhorn,

A truck ran over my old one, and made my horn unborn,

I play my horn at the corner and get tossed one cent,

When I get enough pennies, I go and pay my rent,

If I have money left over, I can sup on canned cream corn.

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