PUS ON MY BAGEL, NO THANKS

My bagel had no cream cheese, so I put up a fuss,

The diner said they had no cream cheese, because it turned to pus,

I felt a shame,

Putting the diner to blame,

Then I went back driving, the town local passenger bus. 

IN MY TURKEY DINNER DREAM

In my turkey dinner dream,

There was never sour cream,

Like ships in the navy,

Taters floated in gravy,

I will resist your cream scheme.

WE FRY GREENS

I went and picked a bunch of greens,

I fried them crisp with grease and beans,

My family's fat,

My dog and cat,

We eat well, and will never be leans.

MY MASTODON HAD A RUNNY NOSE

My mastodon had a runny nose,

It had pressure like an in use fire hose,

The pressure knocked me head over heel,

It made my skin peal,

So, I capped the nose with reinforced pantie hose.

   

I BECAME A SOCIAL WEATHERMAN

I joined a club to be with birds of a feather,

Didn't realize that club studied bad weather,

In the tornadoes and rain,

I ached with arthritis pain,

Would have blown away, without my tether. 

CAN'T GET VOTES, SO I HERD GOATS

On election day, I got no votes,

They didn't register, when tabulating the totes,

So I'll swallow my pride,

Go somewhere and hide,

And spend the next four years herding goats.

THE BITTER SPITTER BIRD

I had a bird that would tweet and twitter,

Then he ate something really bitter,

Now he don't tweet,

Hard to coax him to eat,

He is silent, but now he's a spitter.

GINGER, GINGER, GINGER IS THE STUFF

I wear ginger on my head,

I like ginger in my bread,

And whatever the fame,

Ginger is a good name,

If eat a little you'll feel well fed.

EMBEZZLEMENT SHOT THE SHERIFF JOB DOWN

I'm running for sheriff and I think I already lost,

I got arrested seven times and I'm sure that'll cost,

As an accountant I get no thanks,

I've been embezzling banks,

My trial starts in spring and will end before last frost.

WHAT DREAD, IT'S GOING TO BE MONDAY SOON

Every single Sunday,

I dread the next day, called Monday,

I can't sit home,

Relax my dome,

Watching TV wearing just my undie.