I MET A MONSTER AT THE BARE BEACH

I went to the beach, but nobody was there,

Except for a monster, looking vicious with scare,

I asked, "where'd everyone go?"

The monster replied, "I don't know!

I ate all swimmers, that's why the beach is so bare"

I WENT EXTINCT FEEDING A BEAR

My species went extinct today,

Now I have no one with whom to play,

I found a bear,

But he didn't care,

He ate and swallowed me anyway.

THE SHARKS I CAN LIVE WITH

My swimming pool is all full of sharks,

One snapped at my dog, now my dog bark, bark, barks,

The family disappeared,

I found it quiet and weird,

But I got the house to myself from the dawns through the darks.

WORMS AND BUGS AND PORK AND BEANS, I SCHEMED

I have been looking for pork sausage all day,

It's pricey, and I can't cover it with my low pay,

But with worms and katydids

I'll ground sausage for the kids,

I schemed me pork and beans, but it gang aft a-gley.

PARTYING WITH THE SUPERNATURALS

When the hobgoblins were about to sing,

I knew the elf evils would do their thing,

It was sort of a dance,

Maybe, more of a prance,

Then the black bell in the gnome cathedral, would ring.

MY SISTER GIVES HAIRCUTS

My sister gives haircuts, oh dear, oh dear,
She'll steady her hand for a six pack of beer,
Or when she gets through,
You'll know nightmares come true,
Unless,  away from your reflection you steer.

TODD BOUGHT A CASTLE LIMERICK

                                         
Todd bought an old castle big and gray,                       But, it was drafty and dirty so, his wife wouldn't stay,   She rode off with the horse,                                         The two got a divorce,                                            Now, Todd has castle parties all night and all day.

THREE LITTLE SHREWS

There were three little shrews,
They tried wearing each others shoes,
One shrew’s feet were too fat,
Another shrew’s feet were flat,
The third shoved size four feet into twos.

DEMON SIT

There were old devils in the pit,

And they were taken a demon sit,

They cast their spells,

On Cosmic elves,

Then once done, they split.

THE CHICKEN COUP RETIREMENT FUND

I have a chicken coup full of trash bags, full of cans,

It's my retirement, and I have really big plans,

Down at the town called Old Hollars,

I'll convert them to a fist full of dollars,

Then I'll buy me a new set of pans.

I CAUGHT SOME PHOTONS WITH MY NOSE

I caught some photons on my nose,

They burned real bad like no one knows,

My sunscreen failed,

The SPF bailed,

Now I suffer with nose woes.

PETER PAM, FRIEND FAILURE

In high school I knew Peter Pam,

He got good grades because for tests he'd cram,

But when it came to being nice,

His comments would deep slice,

So he got an "F" on the friendship exam.

HOW DICK AND SALLY EAT

Sally was an herbivore,
She ate bark and twigs and leaves,
She tried eating a wild boar,
That gave her stomach heaves,

Her boyfriend Dick really loved to eat,
He ate until his belly was soar,
But, Dick ate no plant food, he only ate meat,
Dick was a raging carnivore,

When Dick and Sally had a son,
Both of their feelings were slightly tore,
They were glad their child was having fun,
But, he was a voracious omnivore.