FEEDING THE WEREWOLF

I was out in my garden, sitting in my summer seat,

Waiting for the werewolf, for he was coming for his meat,

I heard a crackling in the wood,

Behind me, the werewolf stood,

I felt his hot breath, his teeth, and he proceeded to eat.

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THE BANANA LIMERICK

I left my bananas on my kitchen counter top,
The bananas ripened and ripened, I din't think they could stop,
Then, I noticed one day,
My bananas had ripened away,
Leaving behind a runny, gooey slop.

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HAM FLAVORED CLERKY MANAGER

A lion walked into a grocery store, looking for a plump clerk,

The clerks were all very thin and busy, rushing around their

 work,

A portly mean manager, named Sam,

Was yelling, and smelled like ham,

The lion hauled Sam out the door, and fed her cubs ham flavored jerk.

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THE BARGAIN STORE

I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.

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THE TOAST GHOST

Mr. Eddie was a mean, nasty, old ghost,

He liked to paint pictures on my French toast,

He used my berry jelly,

A gift from aunt Ellie,

His paintings of spiders, scarred me the most.

THE CEILING

A ceiling keeps me from getting totally wet,

It keeps some snow out, so mommy don't get upset,

Then there is dad,

He is macho bad,

If he'd just put up walls, we'd be better off, yet.

COLLECTING A BOUNTY ON A YETTI

I went to the Michigan Yetti Fair,

All the very famous yettis were there,

I went to that county,

To claim a yetti bounty,

The proceeds would make my debts all go square.

PITBULL DANCER

Rene  had a pretty dancing Pitbull, named Trina,

Rene trained Trina to dance like a real ballerina,

Trina danced the Pirouette,

From daybreak, until sunset,

When Trina went outside, she'd pee on a Gardena.

MY SHORT HAIRED DOG GOT RABIES, SO I BOUGHT A HAIRY ONE

I once had a Boston terrier,

He was a big rabies carrier,

He foamed at the mouth,

Took off, going south,

I bought a collie, much hairier.  

MY CHICKEN LEG AND GEESE LIMERICK

I sat on a park bench, and did sup with the geese,

I chewed a leg of chicken, then threw them a piece,

The geese all honked and they  hooped

Then on the sidewalk, they pooped,

Oh, the wonders of nature, will they ever cease?

I'M NOT LAZY; I MAKE STEW

When I have a lot of work to do,

I do nothing, except make a stew,

I take a special pill,

So I can eat roadkill,

Or my skin turns green, and then turns blue.

THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.

FOUR, MY VALENTINE

I now have a gorgeous Valentine, named four,

I had of course three past one's, I once did adore,

I save money, using my brains,

And repurpose old candy canes,

I box them up, like nice new candy from a store.

BE MY VALENTINE WARNING

Who wants to be my Valentine on this Monday morning,

I don't have all my marbles, so consider this your warning,

My chocolate little heart,

I will give to you sweet tart,

Then we'll shop for dishware over in the town of Corning.

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THE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED SHORT-LEGGED PIG

My pig has short legs by design,

A genetically engineered short-legged swine,

His legs can't support his great weight,

So, like a good mate,

He stays home sharing stories and wine.

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SPACESHIP

There was never a tempest during last night,

That created that intensive, flashing light,

There was not any moon,

There was a humming tune,

A parked alien spaceship, hung in plain sight.

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I LOVE NEWBURY CHOCOLATES

I drove on up to Newbury to purchase some chocolate treats,

They make chocolate the old fashioned way; they mix it with their feets,

Their chocolates smell so fine,

Matching vapors in port wine,

There are lots of free chocolate samples; I eats, and eats, and eats.

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THE SIMPLE CHEF

I have made a peanut butter post,

Taught people how to spread it on toast,

Next post, it's my fruit jelly,

It's both chewy and smelly,

PBJ on toast, bests a beef roast.

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THE SNOW IS WOE LIMERICK

I don't like November snow,

It traps my car, so I can't go,

Will I get food, I do not know,

The cold hurts, I feel woe,

I hired someone for a driveway blow.

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LIGHTNING AND THE TIN POST

I put in the steps, so downhill I wouldn't slide,

I dug some post holes along my steps outside,

I used cheap posts and rails made of tin,

Each costing less than a fin,

But lightning made my rail greatly divide. 

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DOWN WITH PICKLEBALL

I use to play pickleball,

Then I had a trip and a fall,

After the hospital cost,

My nest egg was lost,

That's when I gave my lawyer a call.

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BARRY THE BLUE BOOMERANG TRAVELS OFF TO RED MARS

Barry the blue boomerang, was tornadoed into space,

Barry, the first space boomerang, had gained one famous face,

With the good luck of the stars,

Barry would soon be on mars,

Where he hoped to retire, and settle and find a place.

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MY GERBIL NAMED BEN

My hamster drank water from the Flint River today,
He turned into a grasshopper and then hopped away,
And, my gerbil named Ben,
Drank the water and then,
Became a bear and I was his prey.

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RISE OF THE DREADED DEAD

As we summoned up the dead,

All the sky turned bloody red,

With our sacrifice, the demons were fed,

They drank the blood from the severed head,

Then from the graves the corpses were led,

To stalk the living and bring them dread,

While the living slumber in quiet bed,

Making pretty dreams, instead.

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MICHIGAN STEW AND THE BELLY AND BLUE

I went to Bohemia Michigan for some of their famous stew,

It tasted quite a bit off, because it was very old, and not new,

I had quite an ill belly,

Gassing up, getting swelly,

I got a ride to the hospital, after I passed out and turned blue.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH, BUT I VLOG

I can't tell if my pet is a cat or a dog,

It could be a goldfish, or a tree climbing frog,

I should go to school,

But that is not cool,

I would rather spend time making my video vlog.

AI AND THE ZOMBIES

AI put some chips in my head,

That raised me back from the real dead,

I started snarling for food,

AI said "ok, dead dude",

AI gave me some brains, now I'm fed.