PETER VOWS, BREAKS AND CRACKS

It was Pete's destiny to fall out of his bed,

Break three major ribs, and put a crack in his head,

It was the first day in May,

Pete's announced, big wedding day,

Pete made it to church, where wedding vows were well said.

WHAT KIND OF DANCING DID DOH DAH DO?

Doh Dah was a dancer up in Canada, Sault Ste. Marie,

Every time Doh Dah danced, the police came to arrest, he,

Doh Dah had a club,

He leased as a sub,

It violated zoning laws, so Doh Dah was seldom free.

MUTINY IN THE STEW

I went fishing for a dogfish,

But, all I caught was another log-fish,

So, I fed my crew,

Some log-fish stew,

They mutinied after a sword swish.

MARTY THE SMARTY WANTS YOU FOR DINNER

Marty the great physicist, was a mathematics big deal,

But none of his equations, could predict what was real and unreal,

It racked Marty in his big brain,

He became completely insane,

His conviction for cannibalism, is in court on appeal.

YOU CAN WADDLE FOR FREE

My bicycle got ran over by a big truck,

A good fix would cost me many a saw buck,

My bike's in the trash,

I saved lots of cash,

Now I just walk, more like waddle, like a duck.

I DON'T FEED THE LIONS, MAYBE?

When I see a nasty old mountain lion, I run fast away,

When I get back to my crumbling shack, in my shack I all day stay,

Mountain lions love to bite,

Then haul your caucus off site,

Lions feed you to their kitties, so they grow up to hunt one day.

3824

DON'T VISIT OFF WORLDERS, UNLESS YOU'RE INVITED

My big brother was vaporized, out in space,

He went calling there, upon an alien race,

There was a picture pattern,

Way out on planet Saturn,

But the aliens didn't like my brother's face.

PET DRAGONS EAT PEASANTS AND NOBLES

My big pet dragon, he just eats and he eats,

Dragon eats one peasant, and then he repeats,

I'm running out of my peasants,

He won't eat cows, pigs or pheasants,

I fear he'll eye me, and my family, as meats.

3724

THE HARPSICHORD BLUES

When I play music on the harpsichord,

Everyone's closed eyes, look terribly bored,

My notes don't fly,

I try and try,

At competition, I win no award.

MY FINGERS MAKE ME LOOK SMART

I have a superpower, called arithmetic,

I can sum and subtract really quick,

I use fingers and toes,

For hard math problem foes,

That's my superpower super trick.

DINOSAURS DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS (A CAUTIONARY TALE)

I went back in time to get a baby pet dinosaur,

I brought back an egg, and thought I had made quite a score,

My dino pet grew gigantic,

Ate all my groceries, became frantic,

He then chewed and swallowed me, because he wanted more.

PP05092022

WEREWOLF

I went into the woody woods,
Late one Autumn eve,
For there had been werewolf reports,
So I took investigative leave,

As a reporter I didn't like to lie,
But, in the forest I lay down,
To wait for that canine sigh,
When the werewolf comes around,

I had walked in on an old two track trail,
Where lumberman chopped down mighty beast,
I was hoping while I laid me down,
I would not be a main menue werewolf feast.

52711

KING BEN

Way far back in the year CE ten,

We were conquered, destroyed by King Ben,

We thought we were burnt toast,

But were cut into roasts,

We then fed all of King Benny's men.

THE ART CRITICISM OF BIRDS

Villagers made my likeness, a statue, and they set it outside,

That was a such fantastic honor, a stimulus for my pride,

The birds came forward day one,

Left their white drippings, a ton,

That started my enemies laughing; in the next village I hide.

RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,

So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,

Real bad it makes us feel,

It ruins our Christmas meal,

So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.

JUSTIN AND RALPH: THE TEDDY BEARS AND KITTY

Justin was a cute teddy bear, who lived on my top bookshelf,

Justin was so sad, because he lost his best friend, Teddy Ralph,

Teddy Ralph fell to the floor,

Eight shelves down, and what's more,

Kitty ripped Teddy Ralph to shreds, believing he was an elf.  (Stupid Kitty)

DADDY PLAYS BANJO WITH THE ANGELS

Daddy never said goodbye that day,

When daddy took his banjo away,

He left no kiss for ma,

Or beer for grandpa,

If I had known, I'd have begged him to stay.

SOMEONE IS STEALING MY KIPPERS AND CHIPS

Don't care if online I'm hacked, but they hacked my potato chips,

Then they got into my cupboard, and stole some canned fish kips.

I spend my money to dine,

Have no money for online,

I opened up my fridge, and someone stole my kip, chip dips.

SOMEONE STINKS

At work Steve always wore a mask,

Even to do a simple task,

His workmate, Punk,

Smelled worse than skunk,

In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

JIMMY DRESSED FOR SPORT

Jimmy played several sports,

He would always wear sport shorts,

His clothes were green,

Stayed mostly clean,

He wore white on tennis courts.

DEMON FOOD, THANKS FRED

A witch put a horrible curse upon my goldfish, Fred,

Turned Fred into a gator, and Fred tried to eat me dead,

Although I tried to beg,

Fred chewed off my left leg,

Fred let me bleed, until the Devil's demons, my soul fed.

MY DOG AND TONY SHOW

My dog was looking thin and bony,

So I fed him some macaroni, 

I took him to see his dog friend, Tony,

I think their friendship is kind of phony,

They love to watch My Little Pony.   

  

I WENT CLANGING DOWN THE HIGHWAY

I drove my pickup down the highway, while it made a clanging noise,

I drove it to the mechanic shop, called Big Jobs At Little Roy's,

My transmission was repaired,

Even the tires got re-aired,

I wrote Roy's a nice fat check, then used the toilet, marked Little Boys.

THE GAMMA LAND MAZE

When a tree crushed my mobile home, I was homeless many days,

I moved into a cave that turned out, was a billionaire's play maze,

He filled the big maze with creepy creatures,

The kind you find in horror film features,

I defended myself with a gun that shot deadly gamma rays.

BOY BOT BAND BREAKUP

There was a group of boy bots, and they sang in tight harmony,

They learned perfect notes and rhythms, from the AI program Glee,

They sang romantic to the soul,

Melting fans hearts, their single goal,

One day the boys all got broken, when their tour bus hit a tree.

MY FLOWER GARDEN SONG

My arbutus looks so very pretty,

Sitting in my garden in mid-city,

Then there is my daisy,

All flopped over crazy,

Then there is rose, my prickly old bitty.   

FOUR STONE WALLS AND A PEACH

My city had four stone walls, that were tall and hard to breach,

In front of my  city, was a long, golden, sandy beach,

My city showed it had power,

When it built a tall clock tower,

Every time the loud chimes ring, my old fruit tree drops a peach.

BEN QUITS AND KNITS

Deary Ben gave up on life, and he totally quit,

Then he just sat in a chair, and he knit and he knit,

He knitted me sneakers,

But they were real leakers,

Ben knitted me a stocking hat, and that was a hit.

030224

END OF TGHE WORLD

I have shortwave radio, for the end of the world,

I have plenty of gold and silver bars, squirreled,

I have potted meat,

Plenty to eat,

And a surrender flag; I fly unfurled. 

3324