PHYSICS OR PHYS ED: THE LIFE OF BENNY

Benny grabbed a sharp pencil, to work out the, "Theory Of Everything ",

But, all he worked out with his pencil, was constipation; ouch! did that sting,

Since Benny was a boy,

The maths were his toy,

But, Benny is a school gym teacher, still dreaming of girls, fame and bling.

A NONSENSE POEM ABOUT EINSTEIN AND MY KITTY

I traveled back in time, and met Einstein sipping his tea,

He was also combing out his hair, to look respectful and pretty,

He said, I could avoid being impaired,

If I thought about things being squared,

Of course, the only thing I wanted was a box for my kitty.

BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL AND THE BARBAQUE

My good neighbor, Big Beautiful Bill,

Barbecued on his LP gas grill,

He basted with lard,

And, got his meat charred,

Bill hunted, and ate every kill.

TOLERATING CHILDREN IN 2025

Deep in the basement, is where all my kids, should forever be,

Playing video games, or watching reality tv,

I'd feed them crackers and cheese,

And, apple juice and canned peas,

If they want an education, they could have ChatGPT.

CHEMICAL PLANT + ALLIGATOR + TOURIST = HORROR STORY

There is a local alligator, I believe his name is Sammy,

He ate a roasted tater, along with that missing tourist, Tammy,

Sammy lives in a deep, dark ditch,

The water's warm, but there's a glitch,

It runs off from a chemical plant, and the water makes you whammy.

QUALITY CHIPS FOR DIPS

They were all real sad, when they got back from shopping for chips in town,

They could not find a single bag of chips, that was not busted down,

We have many delicious chip dips,

That will not work with broken chips,

All we have is celery, so it's beddy bye, in my nightgown.  

I'M DOWN TO TWO BARBIES AND SCOTT

I'm down to two Barbies, and that's all I got,

I got one GI Joe, and his name is Scott,

They still party hard,

And, let down their guard,

I'd get a third Barbie, but they cost a lot.

THE GUARDIAN OF THE FOREST FAIRIES, WANTS TO EAT FACE

Everybody says, I deserve the face eating, that I got,

Because, I did really stupid stuff, furthering an evil plot,

Didn't know those purloined cherries,

Were owned by forest fairies,

Their pet leopard ate my pretty face, leaving my dead body, to rot.

DEXTER, THE UNCONVENTIONAL R

Dexter is no ordinary, house rat,

He wears pantaloons,a and a pirate's straw hat,

Dexter's in a band, plays base,

Has a deep thinker face,

When cats creep up behind him, Dexter farts and yells, "SCAT!".

TRINA, AND HER YELLOW SCOOTER, ADVENTURE

Trina got a yellow scooter, and she scooted, to town around,

Trina looked for scooter parking, but no parking was ever found,

Tina's eyes got all teared,

She was Twilight Zoned, she feared,

Forced forever to keep lot searching, with a weirdo, music sound.

OH, GIVE ME A SQUAT, WITH A SAUNA THAT'S HOT

I went camping in somebody's very private, backyard,

They  had gone overseas, and had no neighbors for a guard,

They had a sauna and pool,

That kept nights warm, and days cool,

After arrested, I find my jail bed is cold and hard.

HIGH GROCERY PRICES: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

I drove over to the big box grocery store, and what's up?

I can't afford a meager breakfast, lite lunch, or simple sup,

I'll layoff most of the kids,

Sell my home, I will take bids,

I'll set our dog free, so starving cubs, can't gas grill the pup.

BAKING FOR OPEN WIDE BOWELS

I baked some strawberry-rhubarb pie,

Instead of wheat flour, I subed rye,

Rye is more healthy, you know,

Rye helps bowels open, and flow,

Once relieved, most release a great sigh.

A LOCAL ROLLERBLADER, STOLE ALL OF MAMA'S MARMALADE

Someone raided my big, kitchen pantry, and stole all of my fancy, marmalade,

They probably took it to Sunshine Town, where it's worth its weight in gold, in a trade,

They might trade it for whisky, made of corn,

Or, those magazines, descent people scorn,

Most likely, they traded to get into that park, where kids skateboard, and rollerblade.

EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY, GOT CANNED

The next door, family of cannibals, put me, and my family in jars,

We were all set in front of a window, so at night, we can all watch the stars,

We're together, that's not, so bad,

But, as they eat each jar, that's sad,

There's always a chance, the cannibals will be found out, and soon be behind bars.

DATING RITUALS, AND UNREQUITED LOVE

Poor old, teenager, Sad Zack, laid crying on his back,

Crying over attractiveness, Zackery, did lack,

When he talked to girls,

He often had the hurls,

Sometimes Zack would pick his nose, and offer up a snack.

DON QUIXOTE'S KITE

My new kite got stuck in a windmill, and round and round the kite went,

The kite has been stuck there sixteen years, and still, I give a mad vent,

The wood frame looks degraded,

The plastic  cover is faded,

I asked the windmill owner to retrieve my plane, he said "no"; he's no gent.

THE TEMPLE OF THE BLOGGER GOD

Willis is the blogging god, Willis rules media, and is alone,

For in his head is his cordless keyboard, and a 5G cellphone,

To media, he's a non-conforming, guy,

In one minute, Willis disposed of AI,

Willis keeps publishing thoughts from his brain; big media picks a bone.