LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
outdoors
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
outdoors
.
Show all posts
Thursday, December 19, 2024
THE FOREST PRIMEVAL MONSTER
I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today,
To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May,
Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs,
To bring back all my logs,
A forest monster, followed me back to where I stay.
Wednesday, December 18, 2024
I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH
I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,
The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,
The cougar decided to eat,
I had blubber, but not much meat,
I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.
Tuesday, December 10, 2024
BEAR CUT
I moved to Clare Michigan, to be a cutter of hair,
Things were going very well, until in walks a Clare bear,
I cut some hair off the top,
Then the big bear yelled, "Stop!",
I wanted to cut much more, but I didn't think I should dare.
Sunday, December 1, 2024
BENNY GOT RETUBED
Benny used green leaves for toilet paper, and got a bad infection,
When he showed his old doctor, the doctor, quickly made a connection,
Some common green leaves, we all know,
Are poison, and cause drainage woe,
Benny stayed in the hospital, while they retubed his lower section.
Thursday, November 28, 2024
DEER ONLY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES
I went into the woods hunting, and I found me a deer,
It was the end of November, and cold weather was here,
I fired my big gun,
The deer took a quick run,
I guess I must of missed him, that selfish, fur bag of fear.
Wednesday, November 27, 2024
UNCLE LEE BOUGHT SAUSAGE IN THE HOOD
Uncle Lee was in the hood, buying sausage and pop,
Uncle Lee wore his new shoes that go flip and then flop,
Uncle Lee, then went back to his crib,
He took a pill to help his heart, defib,
Uncle Lee, then grilled his sausage, dancing to hip-hop.
Saturday, November 16, 2024
THE WHIMSICAL LIFE CYCLE OF BELL FISH
Bell fish are swimming and mating, way out in the bay,
They go ding and they go dong, and they ding dong all day,
Baby bell fish are chimes,
They tinkle many times,
But, those poor baby bell fish, are food for the blue jay
Tuesday, November 5, 2024
FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE
The little creature floating in my stew,
I caught in the lake that was colored blue,
I bopped his head, so he would not come to,
If he did, this day he would come to rue,
He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.
Monday, October 21, 2024
THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER
It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,
In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,
We were all warm and cozy,
While the outside got snowzy,
Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.
Friday, October 4, 2024
BLUE JAY OLYMPIANS.
Several blue jays set on my laundry line and made a swing,
They swung one at a time like it was a competitive thing,
Each swung high for a while,
Then competed on style,
For a participation award; a worm from the leaf pile.
Sunday, September 29, 2024
I SHOULD HAVE WENT HOME WITH THE TENT
I went tenting, but I lost my warm cozy tent,
A tornado grabbed it, then back home it was sent,
Black rain clouds became my ceiling,
Electric bolts, I was feeling,
I'd be at a motel, but I cannot pay rent.
Friday, September 27, 2024
THE IN-LAWS AND MOBY DICK
My awful in-laws have eaten all the worms in my pail,
I needed the worms to go fishing, to catch me a whale,
It just is not funny,
Those worms cost me money,
And in under three minutes, the fishing boat will set sail.
Tuesday, August 13, 2024
FRANK PICKS AND EATS HIS STRAWBERRIES
Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl,
Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul,
The berries were bitter,
Frank was not a quitter,
He thought he'd roll them in sugar, at least that was his goal.
Friday, July 26, 2024
A POINTLESS DAY RIVER FISHING
Donny went river fishing in his fibreglass canoe,
It had a couple of small leaks, because it was not new,
Donny didn't get bites that day,
He paddled down to the bay,
He did find a shinny stone, with a sparkle that was blue.
Friday, May 24, 2024
EYE HOLE DIGGERS
Some ticks fell down from the heavenly, blue sky,
They fell from the dead willow tree; oh dear, my,
I ran to my hotrod,
But, no use was my bod,
I was blind, because they dug holes in each eye.
52424
Tuesday, April 30, 2024
THE APPLESAUCE FROG BAIT
I opened a can of applesauce, and found a little frog,
The frog was cooked and mummified, sitting in a saucy bog,
I did not at all hesitate,
Picked out the frog to use for bait,
He caught me a fine sunfish, hiding beneath a hemlock log.
Thursday, April 25, 2024
GERTY GOT DIRTY, ONE SUMMER DAY
I went white water rafting, one sunny day,
The river was yucky with swirling red clay,
My little dog, named Gerty,
Got her face all dirty,
I washed her face off, once we got to the bay.
42524
Wednesday, April 24, 2024
THE HIGH COST OF PRETTY FLOWERS
Leprechauns and unicorns and trolls; they all have to eat,
When they spy me working in my yard, they think of me as meat,
I must clean my springtime flowers,
To cause growth by springtime showers,
I just can't stay inside; so fairy critters will have a treat.
31323
Friday, April 19, 2024
TALE OF THE PRO-FISHERMAN
I bought me some crawlers, so I could catch trout,
There's big ones out there, in the streams all about,
See, I write a love story,
As I story my glory,
A love for my fish-craft, and my wins I tout.
Monday, April 1, 2024
KITE ON A WIRE
I went outside to fly my brand new red kite,
It kept crashing, because it was so darn light,
I flew it on a wire,
Lightning struck, it taught fire,
My tennis shoes melted, and now they're too tight.
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