MY GIRLFRIEND WENT TO THE EVERGLADES, AND BROUGHT ME SOMETHING BACK

My girlfriend Holly, went on a trip to the Everglades, swamp seas,

Before Holly left we kissed, and hugged, and shared 13 species of flees,

When my sweet Holly returned  back,

I made her dinner in my shack,

She shared some long worms with me, that ate my internal organs with ease.

LEIGH AND LEO HUNTED SQUIRREL

Leigh and Leo went squirrel hunting, but all the squirrels got away,

Leigh and Leo then picked forest mushrooms, so they did not waste their day,

They went home and made some hot stew,

Used the "Butcher's Special", kangaroo,

The stew was tasty, and the day was fun; next day they went bear hunting, with a bigger gun. 

GERTY GOT DIRTY, ONE SUMMER DAY

I went white water rafting, one sunny day,

The river was yucky with swirling red clay,

My little dog, named Gerty,

Got her face all dirty,

I washed her face off, once we got to the bay.

42524

EVEN TOADS DO IT

Like, everyone does it, even the toads,

We like to hop down, those two track, muddy, roads,

Lots of fungi to eat,

And bugs, toads call fresh meat,

The backwoods highway; free of internet codes.

PROPER WINE ETIQUETTE: THE CHEESE FILLED WIENER STORY

I got my cheese filled wieners, delivered from the wiener store,

I threw them on my old barbeque, and burned them to the core,

If one chased them down with red wine,

They tasted excellently fine,

Those who chased them down with the white, pooped their pants and ate no more.

I SHOULD HAVE WENT HOME WITH THE TENT

I went tenting, but I lost my warm cozy tent,

A tornado grabbed it, then back home it was sent,

Black rain clouds became my ceiling,

Electric bolts, I was feeling,

I'd be at a motel, but I cannot pay rent. 

92924

WASH AWAY MAN

I forded the river, but fell in the stream,
As I washed away I let out a scream,
My scream did not bring me luck,
I scraped through rocks, sticks and muck,
Still, I managed to stay pretty clean.

42221

KNEE KNOCKERS, BB BALLS AND GNOMES

My statues have some limitations; they stand only 2 feet tall,

When I knock them over, they break, then they are not statues at all,

I don't mind breaking garden gnomes,

Not crazy for their chromosomes,

Then my nephew destroys all the rest, firing his BB ball.

10123

FRANK PICKS AND EATS HIS STRAWBERRIES

Frank picked little red strawberries, and put them in his bowl,

Before he set each berry down, Frank kissed them with his soul,

The berries were bitter,

Frank was not a quitter,

He thought he'd roll them in sugar, at least that was his goal.

81324

BENNY GOT RETUBED

Benny used green leaves for toilet paper, and got a bad infection,

When he showed his old doctor, the doctor, quickly made a connection,

Some common green leaves, we all know,

Are poison, and cause drainage woe,

Benny stayed in the hospital, while they retubed his lower section.

120124

ARIEL AIR LOVE: KITES AND WHIRLY THINGS

When I was a child, I had a happy face kite,

With a long string, my kite and I were still very tight,

Then along came a drone,

With a whirly prop tone,

My kite and the drone flew beyond the string, and my sight.

112125

MOSQUITOS TAKE MORE THAN BLOOD

Meanie mosquitos, they done ate off my arms,

Then when I looked for my legs, that set off alarms,

My legs were in mosquito guts,

I was going really nuts,

No more camping, I'll stay on the farms.

7522

DEEP DITCH FISHING

In great lakes and great oceans fishermen find their riches,

But, I find my best fishing along roads with deep ditches,

Among the cattails are the muckers,

Those tasty crawdads and blood suckers,

Of course, you must beware so none get into your britches. 

92222

  

I BUILT A CABIN IN A SWAMP

I built a cabin in a swamp,
So, I'd have a place to romp,
I love all the snakes and the bugs,
With them I kisses and hugs,
But, on the lizards I like to stomp.

102323

BEARS LIKE THE FLAVOR OF LOLLIPOPS: WHO KNEW?

I climbed up a steep hill to see what was on top,

All that was there was a big bear, singing hip hop,

He stopped singing when he saw me,

Asked me if I could ever be,

Tasty like  pork chops, flavored with a lollipop. 

THE RIVER BATTLE FOR STEEL

Fishing steelhead on the river, right at the cusp of the winter-spring,

There's snow on the ground and that river sound, attractive, that is the thing, 

To battle the big fish,

A true sportsman's big wish,

No matter how the battle goes, it's about the fight the steelhead brings.

MARSUPIAL STEW

I went and scraped marsupials off the road today,

I had to really scrape them, cause they had dried up in the clay,

Consider yourself a winner,

Cause we're having them for dinner,

I know it does not smell so good, but it keeps the bears away.

6622

 

THE THREE LITTLE CUB BEARS

During the winter storm, three little bears got lost in the woods,

When they broke into my cabin, and ate all my pantry goods,

When I went to my cabin, next day,

The three little cub bears were at play,

Mamma bear moved in, so I left the bears in charge of my hoods.

THE FLORAL REINCARNATION STORY

I use to be a pretty pansy, and a cute daisy, too,

I use to be an iris, and my big, fat flower was blue,

Each year I'm a different seed,

Sometimes, I'm pulled up as a weed,

Once I grew into a primrose, and bathed in the morning dew.

NEVER COMFORT A HURT GATOR

I stopped my pickup to see about giving a gator, aid,

He was gimping down the highway, near the old pinball arcade,

I asked him, "you're dragging your foot,

Did y'all catch it on a root?

The gator gobbled me down; that's how my kindness was repaid.