Martian Drones Are Here Shopping For Christmas🎄🎁

There was a mystery drone that landed on my trailer house,

The drone crushed in the roof a bit, and caused an "eek!", from a mouse,

I snuck outside for a peek,

The drone was taking a leak,

The drone said it was shopping for a Christmas gift, a blouse.

MY MUSIC GOES TO THE MOON

My lunar lander fell to the moon, and had a big, total crash,

I didn't pay attention, I was ear mellowing, to Johnny Cash,

On an alien world of woe,

My bones were broke and crushed, head to toe,

Of earth, I wondered, who would claim my Country Western music stash.

HOLIDAY IN PORTUGAL

I went to Portugal to buy some stringy cheese,

While I was there, I bought honey made by some bees,

I ate some cooked, ground pork,

Drank wine; it had a cork,

Ordered a cherry pie, but it had to unfreeze. 

MOON MONSTER PUTS ASTRONAUT ON HIATUS, FOREVER

I walked all the way to Tranquility Base,

There, a mean moon monster got into my face,

Feeling real tough that day,

I told him to run away,

It's ten years since I vanished, without a trace.

JOY RIDDING A REINDEER TO TEXAS

I rode on a magic reindeer in the velvet sky,

I stole the deer from Santa, at the North Pole Fish Fry,

I rode the reindeer all night,

Until I saw the bright light,

Then we touched down in Texas, where the rattlesnakes lie.

DESTINATION SEATTLE

Yesterday, I rode upon the air in a big, old airplane,

A Seattle destination, was my one goal, to obtain,

The dang, old plane hit some torque,

We diverted to New York,

I felt anger and confusion, and it exploded my brain.

LOVE AND NO TOILET

Because there was a pretty girl he wanted to woo,

Donny moved abruptly to a town called Kalamazoo,

He forgot his goldfish,

His tan cat he called Trish,

And the new apartment he rented had no place to poo. 

MY QUEST FOR A NEW HOME WORLD

Mars, the dead red planet, is real dusty,

It makes my white spaceship, look all rusty,

Mars is far and away,

A place I will not stay,

I'm off to a world that's ice crusty.

I MOTORBIKE: FRUIT AND SPLATTER

I bought a little motorbike, so I could journey into town,

The flying bugs splat me in the face, and that makes me have a frown,

In town, my face gets a quick wipe,

I buy fresh fruit that is just ripe,

I soon travel back to my home, the bug splatter won't keep me down.

I SLEPT AROUND

I slept on a soft bed, and I slept on a coach,

I slept on floorboards with nails that made me shout, "ouch",

 I slept on a beach,

Where seagulls screech, screech,

I slept at the new zoo in a kangaroo pouch.

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THE STAR FROM THE STICKS

Benny went to Livonia to star in some flicks,

Romantic comedies, but they only had hicks,

His backwoods simple ways,

Along with stupid gaze,

Made Benny a superstar; a star from the sticks.

MY SPACE TRAVEL ADVENTURE

I was in my spacecraft, traveling at the speed of light,

I should have installed some headlamps, so I could see at night,

I ran into a saber-toothed space-bear,

Cracked open my ship, and leaked out my air,

Space bear will eat me, and I do not think it is alright.

THE GHOSTED TIME TRAVELERS

On my brand new time-ship, everything went all blurry,

As some particles slowed, others started to hurry,

I felt my particles collide,

Pretty sure we all died,

At least now that I am dead, I don't have to worry.

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MY SPACESHIP CRASHED, AGAIN

Because I used repurposed tin,

My spaceship fell apart again,

No trip out to Mars,

Let alone the stars,

A crashing spaceship is no win.

I LOVE NEWBURY CHOCOLATES

I drove on up to Newbury to purchase some chocolate treats,

They make chocolate the old fashioned way; they mix it with their feets,

Their chocolates smell so fine,

Matching vapors in port wine,

There are lots of free chocolate samples; I eats, and eats, and eats.

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ON THE COMPANY DIME, MARS WAS A GOOD TIME

I rode a great big spaceship all the way to Mars,

To write an article on their electric cars,

I went to my Martian hotel,

To rest there for a little spell,

Then I went out to the Martian nightclubs and bars.

TOO LATE FOR TEA WITH TUT, OH MY

I had a little time-ship, but the door got stuck tight shut,

I could not get outside to meet the king we know as Tut,

I used my brand new space crowbar,

But when I got the door ajar,

King Tut had been all mummified, along with his dog, Mutt.  

JIM WILL BE SQUATTING WITHOUT ANY BLUE BALLS.

Jim is just a squatter on this little blue ball, earth,

Jim squats, and squats, and squats, and grows a bigger girth, 

One day Jim will galaxy away,

Where there's mean, Jim will not stay,

Then Jim will squat again, just like a brand new birth.

I WON'T BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

I checked the long range forecast, and it does not look very fine,

I won't be home again for Christmas, and this makes it number nine,

I'll miss the spiral ham,

Glazed by grandma Bam,

And grandpa Bam is severely old, and his health in steep decline.

THE TWEEN

In a blinky of one big eye,

A thousand years go bye, bye, bye,

I feel just that old,

And look it, I'm told,

I just turned 12, and wonder why?