I GOT A NEW BODY TO HOLD MY BIG BRAIN

I got a new body to hold my gigantic brain,

It doesn't have heart failure or arthritis pain,

But, it was the body of a pig,

And, my brain was too big,

So, they trimed 10% now, I'm completely insane.  

I BOUGHT A BIGFOOT FOR MY MOM AND DAD POEM

I went to Canada and bought a Bigfoot,
I brought it home for my mom and my dad,
I thought it would keep them company,
But, they said I had done really bad,

The Bigfoot I bought was not house trained,
And, it would not stay in the yard nor the barn,
It broke down the house door and came inside,
Both my parents both screamed “Oh gosh darn!”

The big foot ate all of the stew up,
And, it drank all my dad’s homemade beer,
I guess buying a Bigfoot was a screw-up,
Then, he nibbled on dear old dad’s ear,

Then, my dad started to remember his old dog Frank,
And, how he loved drinking dad’s homemade beer,
The Bigfoot stunk just like his old dog Stank,
Dad proclaimed “the Bigfoot stays right here”,

So, my parents kept the Bigfoot they called Frank,
They seemed to have no more concerns,
It’s good my gift had a number one rank,
Because where I bought it they take no returns.

HOT SUMMER FULL MOON HAIKU

Hot summer full moon,
Stars, Mars, smores, marshmellow bars,
Sleeping bags, bugs, bites.

THE FLIES COME HATCHING OUT

The flies come hatching out,

Then,  through my window screen redoubt,

I swing flyswatter with flair,

But, it needs much repair,

My home swarms with flies all about.

I Accomplished A Lot By Two In The Morning

C'est la vie,

I missed my tea,

Flunked spelling Bee,

In pants, I pee,

Did all by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

Lost only house key,

Burned macaroni,

My lover dumped me,

All by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

Let love birdies free,

Sold car and tv,

To the deep woods I flee,

All by two in the morning,

C'est la vie,

In the woods a bear be,

Very hungry was he,

He chewed and ate me,

All by two in the morning.🧸

I WENT TO MANCELONA TO THE COURT OF THEIR QUEEN

I went to Mancelona to visit their great queen,

She was not pleased cause I was ragged and unclean,

She said "take him away,

Douse him good with bug spray,

And, dress him up and then, he just might get seen."

FUTURE MALE MODEL

I got caught in the tar pits and, downward I flow,

To be dug up in the future by blokes I don't know,

They'll put me on museum display,

My bones bare to the day,

Even though, I'm just a jaw bone and a toe.