TED THE DISGUSTING, LIVES ALONE

The yellowed pillows smelled real nasty, of sweat and decay,

They wreaked of old urine, and had a brown, fecal display,

Although,  divorced from his spouse,

Ted was proud of his house,

He lived alone there for years, in a non-hygienic way. 

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SQUIRREL OBLIGATIONS (THE NUT)

The little squirrel had a nut that had grown, so very big,

He had to cut off his cable, and his bad habit, the cig,

He didn't buy new shoes,

And, swore off the booze,

He took overtime at his day job, and looked for a side gig.

ME AND MY MATHS

I really hate doing all of my college prep, maths,

More than taking early morning, cold showers, and baths,

My teach, she grades real hard, so mean,

Reports each mistake, to the dean,

Now, dean's charted me some custodial career paths.

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THE BUGS THAT ATE SAMMY FOR S'MORES

Sammy went to the beach and got covered with soars,

The bugs liked him so much, because he tasted like s'mores,

From New Years Eve till that date,

S'mores was all Sammy ate,

And, the taste sweat out through all his pores.

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BREAKFAST OF THE BLUEBERRY LOSER

My fresh blueberries, they all ran away,

I had saved them for my cereal day,

My cereal tastes like straw,

And someone's chewed chaw,

And it's gritty, and chews just like hard clay.

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MY BELLY AILS FROM FISH BONES AND SCALES

I went ice fishing and caught 3 tiny fish,
I was hungry so I made a Pattie dish,
I left in the bones and on the scales,
The Pattie gave my belly ails,
I should have stayed home, that's what I wish.

2223

THE SONG OF INDIANA

I went over to Indiana, to sing my gramma nana song,

It's about life in the dark heart, hinterland, and stabbing with a prong,

You see, nana jumped her bail,

Yes, dear nana is a fail,

Now she is back in prison, but won't admit, ax murdering is wrong.

KABOOM JACK IS BACK IN SPIRIT.

Jack was in a real dark room, and smelled foul gas, greatly leaking,

Jack decided to light up a match, to go gas leak seeking,

Jack lit up the room,

KABOOMADY BOOM! 

Now at a weekly seance, through mediums, Jack is speaking.

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THE EYEBALL OOZE NEWS

I like to share all of my good and bad reviews and news,

Like, how fat I am getting, and how long I did snooze,

Today, while I let some fish fry,

Grease spat into my better eye,

It burned through my big, black eyeball, and my eyeball did ooze.   

Corn

I raised four generations of corn,

A fifth is yet unborn,

At the first sign of day,

My corn will pop through the clay,

Then the city crop will be born.

LITTLE WIGGINS THE PIG POEMS

Little Wiggins the pig was not very smart,
He borrowed lots of money to buy a go-cart,
Little Wiggins didn't work,
So, like a real jerk,
He didn't pay for his cart from the start.

Little Wiggins the pig lived on a farm,
Little Wiggins the pig did nobody harm,
But, Wiggins ran up some debt,
And, made farmer Joe upset,
Now, Joe wears a pigtail as a charm.

P06302022

A MEANINGLESS, WHIMSICAL PHILOSOPHY

The universe appears eternal, from dawn, to dawn, to dawn, to dawn,

But, when the universe disappears, its life will be a tiny yawn,

So head to mars,

Maybe, the stars,

Eat expensive seafood, like lobster, oysters, crabs, octopus and prawn. 

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THE BUG IS THE WINNER, TODAY

There once was a small bug that lived in a tuna tin,

He had a hard shell, and not one bit of living skin,

He stayed clear of the mice,

Ignored the little lice,

Each day the bug survived, the bug considered a win.

THE DEER ATE MY WINTER TRIP TO BARBADOS

I was planning on using my cash earned from potatoes,
To fund my winter trip, to the Marvelous Barbados,
Of course, my potatoes this year,
Have been ate by the big, bad deer,
And, my arthritis  won't let me pick any tomatoes.

P090716

TUNES, TOONS AND BOONES

I went into my parlor to hum a few nifty tunes,

I can hum just like an angel, after watching cartoons,

I hummed some Mozart and Bach,

A little seventies soft rock, 

All while playing with my collection of stuffed, toy baboons.

THE GRIZ AND THE SAUR WENT TO WAR

I looked down from a bridge, and saw a huge dinosaur,

He was fighting a grizzly; it was an animal war,

The big grizzly got on top,

Gave old dino-face a bop,

The dinosaur ran away, while the grizzly gave a roar.

82524

DIZZY GUR DOG

There once was a dizzy dog that went "gur",

His " gur" got under the other dogs fur,

More times than just the once,

They called "Gur" Dog a dunce,

When winter came, Gur Dog changed and said "burr".  

THE GOOD NEIGHBOR (NOT)

I bought four used tires for my Chevy pickup truck,

My neighbor had a nail gun, so I was out of luck,

The neighbor punctured each tire,

Set my whole pickup on fire,

I sued him in court, but did not get a single buck.

5524

I WENT TO THE MARKET AND BOUGHT ME SOME TROUT

I went to the market and bought me some trout,
I didn't cook it enough and had a belly-ache bout,
I will never, ever eat fish,
Even, as a side dish,
But, I will eat a pig's feet, ears and, snout. 

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