TIGHTS ON A PIER

I went to the club and danced under the lights,

My eyes got all red, and everything was all brights,

I met someone dear,

We took a walk on the pier,

We found romance and got tights.

MY TETHER BALL IS STOLE

Someone stole my tether ball and left me just the string,

Now what am I supposed to do with just that stringy thing?

Do I play with it with passion?

Do I match cloths with it for fashion?

Maybe I'll buy a new tether ball, but I'll have to sell some bling.

THE EARLY CHRISTMAS TREE

I decided to get my Christmas tree early,

Because by Christmas they'll all be gone, surely,

I cut it down in the woods,

And against my outhouse it stoods,

But it lost the needles when the fall winds went whirly.

UNEMPLOYED AGAIN

I went to the boss over our earnings disparity,

He told me he didn't run a communist charity,

He said because I voiced a dislike,

I should go take a hike,

For complainers employed was a rarity.

I AM LEVER MAN

I gave the planet called world, a tremendous gift,

I invented the lever, now the world has some lift,

Now we can teeter and totter,

And drink lemon-lime water,

Until we're frozen and buried, in a real deep snow drift.

THE PIKE TOOK THE BLUEGILL BAIT

I went fishing for lunker bluegills at the bottom of the lake,

I knew a big fat earthworm was the bait that they'd take,

But along came a pike and the bluegills swam away,

And the pike grabbed my worm and I thought "happy day,"

But the pike's teeth cut my line, so he was never my prey. 

MY ROBOT'S NAME IS NED

My robot's name is Ned,

He's a help unless his battery goes dead,

He is average at checkers,

But, makes turkey-club double-deckers,

I keep him charged or the kids won't get fed.

SEAGULLS HAIKU

Seagulls, garbage sacks,

Rip, Tear, Pick, Peck, wind, big mess,

Labor, hours, BIRDS!!!

THE SMASHED HAND IN THE CAR DOOR HAIKU

Car door, closed, hand smashed,
Grave pains, suffering, scream, tears,
Bones broke, cast, woe me.

THE WEDDING CAKE LIMERICK

My cherry-chocolate wedding cake,

Took my aunt three days to make,

The frosting, divine,

Chased down with red wine,

And, the polka band increased intake.

TRENDING TUNA FISH

On trending media I found my wish, 

It was a recipe for baked tuna fish,

With all the spices galore,

It was hot, hot;  I want more,

But, the hot spices dissolved the glass dish.

DOCTOR SISTER DROOLS AND SLURPS AND BURPS AT LUNCH

I wish my sister would stop slurping and drooling,

For my lunch appetite is rapidly cooling,

At age 45,

She won't leave ma's hive,

Although sis has much advanced degree schooling.

WINSTON THE SILVER DIME

Winston was an old silver dime,
He was so lazy it was a crime,
He lay on a book shelf,
Being quietly stealth,
He was found and spent by a mime.

RUNAWAY AND THE BULLY

In the hall of bullies we count just nine,

Only one barked abuse, the others stayed fine,

But it does not matter,

The abused quickly scatter,

Like a bladder burst with pee tasting wine.