BENNY'S BAD HABIT

Benny had a bad habit in his head,
He liked to eat fish sticks while lying in bed,
Later, the fish stick debris would smell,
Which with family didn't go well,
So, Benny was exiled from the house to the shed.

THE ELF KING OF THE CARS

Wayland the Smith was the king of the elves,
He worked in Detroit making big engine valves,
He got really tired one day,
From his hard work at little pay,
So, he led his elves to make cars for themselves.

I HIRED ELVES

I hired elves, 

To build some shelves,

They are boards of wood,

They've held up good,

They stand eights x twelves.

JIM PLAYED THE PICCOLO

Jim tried to play the piccolo,
But, his dim mind would work so slow,
When the band was done,
Jim was on note one,
He needs to get busy and blow.

GET THE RIGHT GLUE

I laid some new tile upon my floor,

Across my kitchen to the outside door,

But, the tiles did not stick,

The tile glue was a mis-pick,

So, I had to buy a different glue at the store..

WHEN DO PIGS FLY?

Everyone wonders when pigs fly,
I happen to know it’s on the 4th of July,,
They strap on firecrackers that night,
Then, they light them and fly out of sight,
So, pigs fly but no one knows why?
 

THE UNLIKABLE TREE

There was this unlikable tree,

Upon which, even dogs would not pee,

It had no bug guest,

Nor a birdie nest,

With my ax, I made it root free.

I'VE GOT MARTIN PEGGED

Marvin cut off his arms and legs,

He had them replaced with hickory pegs,

Now he walks on all fours,

But can't open doors,

Is he sane? That question begs.

ROY WAS A COY, TOY, SOY EATING BOY

There once was a boy,

His mama called him Roy,

He only had his toy,

He ate only beans called soy,

Never loved cause he was coy.

DISAGREEMENTS INEVITABLE

They might be a complete stranger,

They might be your kith and your kin,

The only one that thinks just like you do,

Is the person that's wearing your skin.

THE TWO LITTLE SILOS SAGA, IN LIMERICK FORM

There were two little silos, sitting as neighbors in a field,

When one silo overflowed, the other would absorb the yield,

Then one day one caught fire,

It burned like an old truck tire,

Now there's only one silo, and he got scorched real bad and peeled.

MY WORM BAIT LIMERICK

I thought I'd go fishing so, I picked up some worms,

I thought I'd catch keepers on my living bait terms,

But, the big fish weren't hard hitting,

My worms they were spitting,

I caught just minnows instead of large pachyderms.

I GAVE MY GOLDFISH FOOD LIMERICK

I gave my goldfish a dash of fish food,
But, I didn't measure it, so guess what dude?
Although my goldfish is fed,
He is all puffy and dead,
And a toilet funeral seems awfully rude.

KALKASKA: THE WOLFMAN'S LAIR

Kalkaska is the Wolfman's lair,

For he feasts on deer, bobcat and bear,

He eats fishermen who are very plump,

Also, hunters who have a fat, tender pump,

But, hikers he just likes to scare.

WHY I LOST MY APPETITE FOR A CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Christmas is coming, and I didn't know where the goose was at,

Turns out it had a lover, and the lover was a bat,

Now the babies fly around, the gats and bease,

Honking, hissing, leaving me little peace,

I think for Christmas dinner, we'll eat my kid's pet big white rat.

Rainbow In The Trees (Birdies and Rainbows)

I admire a pretty rainbow, sitting in the trees,

It's a pretty rainbow, pretty as you please,

And, a birdie lands to admire the rainbow, sitting in the trees,

Then, the birdie squats a little then, the birdie pees,

So the rainbow is embarrassed and the rainbow quickly flees.