MIRACLE ON 94TH STREET

In the rain and churning sleet,

I walked and walked until I was beat,

Then, a miracle on 94th Street,

A little diner where I could eat,

It was the most uncomfortable seat,

By a window, there was no heat,

Soon, fully frozen were my feet,

Next, I froze to death with no establishment greet,

I was cremated, a nice warm treat,

They spread my ashes in a field of wheat.

A FISH NAMED HARRY

A fish named Harry grew too big for his pond,
So, he made a wish to a witch with a wand,
To make the pond grow,
Then, Harry could swim deep below,
But, the lake was too salty so Harry felt conned.

MULTIVERSE THEORY PREDICTS ALTERNATIVE NEWS

Many say that I make up fake news,

But, it's just an alternative universe I choose,

It's not better or worse,

It's called the multiverse,

I just choose the verse that echoes my views. 

WHEN THE PRICE OF TOILET PAPER IS JUST TOO HIGH

All the people are oh so pensive,

Because toilet paper is so expensive,

The financial frustration,

Has caused herd constipation,

With flagellation being offensive.

MARTY ATE A LITTLE LAMB

Marty ate a little lamb,

It's fleece was white like snow,

But, when you fry lamb in the pan,

Hopefully, the fleece color you won't know. 

HOW TO BE A NEWS SHOW STAR

If you want people to hear you sing,

Then, you sing only lyrics that are right of wing,

You'll be a famous star,

Invited to parlor par,

And, your coffers will be filling ding, ding, ding.

THE AFTER DINNER ONLINE NEWS SHOW

Every evening after I sup,

I go online and make stuff up,

It's my beer induced views,

Millions call it the news,

Others say, I'm a crazy, dumb pup.

I WENT INTO THE PARLOR BUT, NO ONE WAS THERE

I went into the parlor but, no one was there,

I said what I could but, no one was aware,

I felt desperately beat,

Like a bird who couldn't tweet,

Now, all my grandiose dreams will all end in despair.

As I Perch

As I sit perched in my tin, wheeled villa,

Looking down from atop my hilla,

Onto a highway all curvy derby

Along comes prancing a deer named Herbie,

I fear he's had my pickles and my dilla,

Laying waste to my garden like the Hun Attila.