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Friday, December 31, 2010

A SNOWMAN GAVE ME A DIRTY LOOK

A snowman gave a dirty look right at me,
I tried to ignore him but he wouldn’t let it be,
I asked him to stop,
Then I flagged down a cop,
I’ve been arrested while the snowman is free.

On New Years a snowman gave me a look,
It was offensive is the notion I took,
I had such a desire,
To set the snowman on fire,
I used up every match in my book.

ON NEW YEARS EVE DAVE WENT TO A RAVE

On New Years Eve Dave went to a rave,
It was such a party that Dave didn’t behave,
He ran down a main street,
Tripped over his fat feet,
With no teeth his mouth looks like a cave.

On New Years Eve Dave went to a rave,
He was single so he tried to behave,
He met a girl named Corky,
But, she knew Dave was dorky,
His reputation follows him to the grave.

A GREEN MAN'S LAMENT

I use to sell pretty flowers and shrubs,
But, my business was overrun with grubs,
Grub poison is never free,
It was too expensive for me,
So, I burned up the green stuff in tubs.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A BAD MAN WITH BAD TEETH

I ate holiday candy until I was shaking,
Now my bad teeth are constantly aching,
I know my judgment was real poor,
But, why should my mouth be so soar?

No wicked things have I ever done,
Except those things that were for fun,
I hid grandma’s dentures and teased the cat,
I put peanut butter on my brother’s bat,

I threw dad’s keys in the swimming pool,
So that day I couldn’t go to school,
I ate mom’s cookie dough when she turned away,
So there were no cookies at church that day,

I sort of remember a girl on a swing,
I pushed her so hard she slammed into something,
And then there was my very best friend named Stan,
He tripped into a puddle as by me he ran,

Then there was my cousin in a canoe,
I toppled him over; he got black and blue,
Then there was my dog, who liked to fetch sticks,
Throwing the stick over the fence was one of my tricks,

I guess some of the things I did were not nice,
But, I should be forgiven; I did few of them twice,
I did most bad things without a thought in my brain,
So why am I racked with unending tooth pain?


.

ANGEL FISH HAIKU

Angel fish, beauty,
Swim, filter, stuck, poor angel,
Angel fish, heaven.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

CHRISTMAS DAY LIMERICK

Everyone deserves a Merry Christmas Day,
Eat a big dinner and watch the kids play,
After dinner and more,
Sleep with a loud snore,
And dream of summer fun on the bay.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Benny the elf made toys for Saint Nick,
After Christmas he'd visit his cousin named Rick,
Rick lived in Atlanta,
A long ways from dear Santa,
In a week Benny was feeling homesick.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

SANTA BOUGHT A CHEAP PLASTIC SLEIGH

Santa bought a cheap sleigh made of plastic,
He thought the cost savings were simply fantastic,
But, the sleigh would not steer,
Into trees it would steer,
Santa switched sleighs to do something drastic.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

THE CHEAP PLASTIC SLEIGH

Santa Claus bought a new sleigh,
It was made out of plastic they say,
When Santa sat down,
The plastic broke down,
He loaded his old sleigh on Christmas eve day.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

THERE WAS AN OILMAN NAMED SCOOTER

There was an oilman named Scooter,
He was just the biggest polluter,
He dumped oil in the sea,
To make it life free,
And, he raised prices for the commuter.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

OLD VICKER THE WICKER PICKER

There was a man named Mr. Vicker,
His passion was restoring old Wicker,
He'd prowl down the streets,
Looking for wicker without seats,
He was known as the old wicker picker.

Friday, December 17, 2010

OH CROOKED MIGHTY CHRISTMAS TREE

Oh mighty Christmas tree,
Why did I cut one so tall,
You broke the light in the foyer,
And gouged the walls up in the hall,

Oh mighty Christmas tree,
What a crooked trunk have thee,
I paid fifty bucks you see,
When by looks you should be free,

Oh mighty Christmas tree,
You fell over with a crash,
Now grandma's favorite ornaments,
Are sitting in the trash,

Oh mighty Christmas tree,
Just give me one good reason,
Why I shouldn't throw you out the door?
And have a happy holiday season.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

WILLIE AND THE WINTER PARSNIPS

Willie goes out into the snow,
He is buried because of how hard it blow,
But where melting snow drips,
He finds some parsnips,
Now Willie does not want to go.


Willie loves his parsnips,
He digs them from under the snow,
Parsnips are a winter crop,
Or when you’re low on dough.

REVENGE OF THE SNOWMAN

If you're going to travel far, far away,
In celebration of this grand holiday,
Beware the snowman in your garden pleasance,
Before leaving give him his share of presents,
If you don't he'll have something to say,
By filling with snow your entire driveway.

NO GIFTS FOR A BAD SNOWMAN
Snowman do you deserve a gift,
When you make my driveway drift,
You need to get real,
Drift policy repeal,
Then my gift list just might shift.

Friday, December 10, 2010

THERE WAS A RED BRICK NAMED DAVE

There was a red brick named Dave,
Each day he would rant and rave,
He was part of a wall,
That stood eight feet tall,
He wished to be part of the pave.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

JOHN SAW TWO SNOWBALLS FLY AT HIS FACE

John saw two snowballs fly at his face,
He tilted his head and beat them with grace,
Then he bent down,
Saving his crown,
But, was pelted with snowballs on his big base.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

THE GREEN SNAKES AND THE TADPOLE

In a small, shallow pond there lived a tadpole named Mike. Now Mike had several hundred brothers and sisters however, Mike’s brothers and sisters had all become frogs and had hopped away into the forest to find their own ponds where they could swim. This left Mike all alone in what seemed to be a much bigger pond than it had been when his brothers and sisters were still there.

One day, two green snakes came slithering into the pond. Mike was at first happy to see that he had some company but, the snakes began chasing after Mike and tried to eat him. Mike was very good at diving so he dove under the water and hid under some lily pads. After a while the snakes left but, the next day the two snakes were back and were again chasing poor Mike all around the pond. Mike screamed “Oh great green snakes please don’t eat me I haven’t even had a chance to grow up and become a frog yet.” But, Mike’s pleas were to no avail and the snakes kept chasing after him. Mike again hid under some lily pads until the snakes left the pond. This went on for about a week then; the green grass snakes went away for the rest of the summer to stay with an aunt and uncle who lived under a nice big rock at the edge of a beautiful lake.

When the summer came to an end the two green snakes returned home. They decided to go down to the little lily pond to see if they could make a snack of that tadpole they had left behind several weeks earlier. The two snakes slithered down to the pond and into the water. They looked all over for the tadpole. They even discovered his secret hiding spot under the lily pads. Finally, as the two green snakes were getting ready to give up looking for the tadpole, they noticed two really strange looking little islands in the middle of the pond. The snakes were curious about the islands because they had never seen them there before so, they swan over to investigate the islands. But, just as the snakes were almost on top of the islands a huge bullfrog surfaced. It seems the islands were actually the bull frog’s eyes and he had been waiting for the snakes to swim over to him.

“Remember me my fine green fellows,” the bull frog said to the snakes. “A few weeks ago I was just a little tadpole swimming around in this lily pond when you guys showed up and tried to eat me. You even came back several times looking for me and you terrified me like you would not believe. You knew then you could get away with terrifying me because at the time I was just a little unimportant tadpole. As you can see now, since you’ve been gone I’ve grown up quite a bit and everyone looks up to me because I have become so big and powerful. And, do you know what food I now like best?” The two snakes just lay in the water too shocked and afraid to move in front of the large bull frog.

The bull frog had a large grin on his face as he said, “My favorite food are green snakes”. With that the bull frog licked his lips and then proceeded to slurp each green snake down whole like a long piece of spaghetti. The bull frog was quite happy that he had devoured those awful snakes who had tormented him so much when he was just a little tad pole.

THE ICE SHANTY

An ice shanty sat out on the lake,
Where fishermen fish for perch and splake,
The winter winds stopped,
The ice shanty dropped,
Now it's a home for the fish to take.

SNOW VS SUNBEAMS

Snowflakes burn, acid,
Sunbeams warm,kind,love,life,dreams,
Snow, white dirt over graves.

Friday, December 3, 2010

LAST NIGHT MY POT CRACKED-Haiku

Last night my pot cracked,
Kiln too hot, clay unworked, oops,
Good gift for grandma.

THE MEAL OF TEARS

Eddy had no money and felt beat,
He had been unemployed for years,
Eddy was homeless with nothing to eat,
His last meal was of tears,

Eddy was just a lonely dude,
Every one was for himself,
Each fighting for just any food,
Even rat droppings on a shelf,

One day Eddy had an idea so great,
He almost cracked a smile,
He decided not to hesitate,
But, act upon his guile,

Eddy stole a soda pop,
He stood in front of the store,
Soon there arrived a local cop,
He took Eddy out the door,

Now Eddy sleeps in a warm bed,
Each day he eats some food,
His personal blogs are well read,
On self help for the average dude,

Hunger with no place to stay,
They are our greatest fears,
But, when your incarcerated prey,
You'll have no more meals of tears.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

WHEN THE SNOW BLOWS

When the snow blows and cold comes through your cracks,
You stuff newspaper in the holes to keep warm your shacks,
Shove up the stove with wood,
When it's red hot it is good,
It is then time to wait 'till the frost bite attacks.

When the snow blows it makes hurt on my feet,
I run out of food and have nothing to eat,
And when the snow blows,
I'll have to cut off my toes,
But, at least I will have some fresh meat.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

SNAKES IN A TRAILER

Everyone knows the tale of old Ben Taylor,
For he had snakes inside his trailer,
There were menacing snakes of every type,
They all crawled in by his water pipe,

Ben was lying on his couch,
Beside his pipe and tobacco pouch,
The snakes surrounded him on the floor,
And, blocked his exit out the door,

It was time old Benny had to pay,
For he was a snake hunter in his day,
All over the earth he hunted the reptile,
He killed thousands with his guile,

The rattlesnake bit Benny on the knee,
The mamba bit his eyes so Benny couldn't see,
The cobra bit Benny as he struggled for the door,
The python gobbled Benny up when he fell on the floor,

The whole trailer was searched with hoes and with rakes,
But, no one ever found those nasty, nasty snakes,
Some say this story is nothing more than hype,
But, someone saw a cobra smoking old Benny's pipe.

THREE LITTLE GRAY MICE LIMERICK

There once were three little gray mice,
They tunneled deep beneath the ice,
They ran into a red fox,
Who liked mice with his lox,
He served them in a side dish with rice.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

YELLOW POISONOUS SPIDER LIMERICK AND POEM

A big yellow spider bit me on the head,
It hurt so bad and puffed up really red,
Then I felt really, really strange,
I looked in a mirror and saw a change,
Not a human; a yellow spider instead.

Yellow spider don't make me cry,
Don't bite my foot,don't bite my thigh,
I'm really quite a descent guy,
I'll be better and won't go awry,
I really need a relieving sigh,
Please don't bite me and make me die.

Monday, November 29, 2010

A CHIMP NAMED LEE

There was a chimpanzee his name was Lee,
He lived in a zoo but yearned to be free,
So he sewed himself cloths,
Took on a human pose,
Then he walked out of the gate before three.

A BAD GRADING SYSTEM MR COX

There once was a math teacher named Mr. Cox,
Those that had his class suffered a nasty pox,
He would not give out an "A",
And "B's" were not his way,
But, he gave out "C's" fast like changing ones socks.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

COLOSEUS: THE GIANT FISH THAT WALKS ON LAND

Out on the island of Mackinaw,
The strangest beast appeared,
Some say it was a two legged fish,
All Mackinawians saw it as weird,

It came up from the cold depths of Lake Michigan,
It was on a stormy November Eve,
The fairies had closed down for the winter again,
But, there were caretakers who could not leave,

Caretakers watched from the apartments,
As the lightning danced round in the sky,
A creature walked from the lake with garments,
Of seaweed hanging from it's head to it's thigh,

It's mass was that of a fish called a carp,
But, it had legs on each side of it's tail,
It bared large teeth looking for food to scarp,
The creature was large and could eat a whale,

It was named Colossus, it's eyes fixed like stone,
It's hunger to eat seemed so intense indeed,
It's razor sharp teeth could saw through any bone,
It's number one issue was it had to feed,

The caretakers first watched and then trembled,
As the creature chased down an orange cat,
Then, the caretakers quickly assembled,
They decided to fight and no one would scat,

The creature seemed attracted to light,
As it made it's way up to the hotel on a hill,
It was moving toward the Grand Hotel sight,
Where it could dine upon it's favorite kill,

The caretakers had devised a devious plan,
It was simple but if it worked it was good,
They'd chase it off with the roar of a cannon,
The Mackinaw Island would be at peace as it should,

The old cannon had been there for 300 years,
It took pride blasting enemies in war,
It was old but, when fired brought about tears,
It's cannon balls likely settled the score,

So, two young caretakers ran behind the thing,
They ran toward the beach of the Michigan sea,
They yelled, hollered and taunted with a sing,
The monster saw them and he couldn't let them flee,

The two legged monster fish pursued with a thrust,
He knew he could catch them with a jump and a pounce,
If he landed on top the caretaker would bust,
But, catching and eating is all that counts,

When the caretakers came to the end of the beach,
They knew that real soon there would be a big boom,
They turned toward the monster hearing a screech,
Behind fish monster it sounded like doom,

The fish monster wailed as he felt the heat burn,
He geared up fast toward the lake without any turn,
Everyone said as the monster swam out of sight,
"Come back next year fish and we'll give you a fight".

Saturday, November 27, 2010

THE PET BIRD AND THE PET BOBCAT

Boggy had a pet bobcat named Bites,
Bites ate birds and wore bright colored tights,
Boggy also had a pet parakeet,
Whom,Bites didn't hesitate to eat,
Boggy took away Bites rights to his tights.

Friday, November 26, 2010

WANDA WENT SHOPPING THE DAYAFTER THANKSGIVING

Wanda went shopping the day after thanksgiving,
She spent every dime that she had made for her living,
She bought the kids some electronic toys,
She bought her mate Superbowl with the boys,
Wanda bought herself a Harley for riving.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

TURKEY DAY: CARVING AND EATING WHAT'S YUMMY

Turkey Day carving,
Manna peels, soft, sweet, flesh, yum,
Heavens tasty meat.

BLACK FRIDAY COMES ONLY ONCE A YEAR

Black Friday comes only once a year,
The sales are great when money is dear,
The stores slash the price,
Up to 70% which is nice,
That leaves more money for pizza and beer.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

TREE HITS HOUSE HAIKU

Tree hits house, hard, crash,
No insurance! Paid too late,
So sad, no pad, ouch!

BARNY THE WICCAN

Barny was a practicing wiccan,
His familiar was a farm chicken,
If you want some good luck,
Get the chicken to cluck,
If he don't cluck you'll have some slim pickin'.

PARNELL WENT TO WORK AND LOST HIS JOB

Parnell went to work and lost his job,
He worked in retail and looked like a slob,
His cloths did not fit,
He smelled just a bit,
Now,for a dollar he'll dig up a stob.

JIM'S PICKUP SLID RIGHT OFF THE ROAD-Limerick

Jim's pickup slid right off of the road,
It was a wreck and had to be towed,
Jim's car would not start,
Nor would his golf cart,
So he hitchhiked and that's how he goed.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

TRAVERSE BAY TIME

Traverse Bay is big and blue,
It’s water fun through and through,
You can cross with a boat,
Or else swim or just float’
But, don’t wade it whatever you do.

If you fish in Grand Traverse Bay,
You will catch something during the day,
If you get your wish,
It will be a fish,
Not a sea monster coming your way.

PATTY THE CHRISTMAS WEREWOLF?

Patty was a werewolf,
She hunted night and day,
But, every year on Christmas Eve,
She guarded Santa’s sleigh,

When Patty snarled and barred her fangs,
She frightened away each highwayman,
And poachers kept quiet with their bangs,
Less they be bitten on the can,

Now reindeer meat is tender and sweet,
Its scent will make a werewolf drool,
So Patty bit one on the seat,
Santa thought that was just not cool,

Now Patty said she made a mistake,
And begged to keep her position,
Her family’s home they would forsake,
Her puppies would suffer malnutrition,

Now Santa always did what was good,
As an employer he was admired quite well,
Patty kept her job just as she should,
But, she had to plug her nose so she couldn’t smell.



,

Monday, November 15, 2010

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

KALKASKA TIME-Limerick

KALKASKA TIME

Kalkaska is a place with bears,
They’re one of Mother Nature’s terrors,
If you hear one grunt,
You must not confront,
Confrontations are serious errors.

Kalkaska has a huge fountain trout,
It’s taller than anything about,
It’s really speckled,
Some say it’s freckled,
But it’s real big there is no doubt.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

EVIL ROY THE MOTH

Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
He ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.

Friday, November 12, 2010

BEDBUG LIMERICK, HAIKU AND, POEM

BEDBUG LIMERICK
Jason found some bed bugs that were sucking on his knee,
He picked them off one at a time and let each bug go free,
George visited Jason at his house,
George brought bugs home to his spouse,
Bed bugs suck anyone’s blood and spread real easily.

BEDBUG HAIKU
Bedbugs bad suck blood,
Burn the cloths. Burn the beds too,
Nature’s nastiest.

BEDBUG POEM
You’ve never lived through a terrifying storm,
Until you’ve lived to watch the bedbugs swarm,
They race towards you because your blood is warm,
This is the lot you’ll face in a college dorm,

Bedbugs drink your blood and could not be meaner,
As your blood flows out you will become leaner,
Their bloodsucking jaws could not look obscener,
You just wish your roommate had been a bit cleaner,

Bedbugs, bedbugs in the very dark of night,
Causing all this mayhem and excessive fright,
As to your new digs just you don’t get too tight,
Cause we’re bringing them down with homemade dynamite.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

POOR LITTLE GEORGIE WAS TEASED OUT OF SCHOOL

Poor little Georgie was teased out of school,
The kids and the teachers said he was a fool,
But, after many years Georgie finally got even,
When he created the butler robot named Steven,
Now Georgie has a mansion and billions of dollars,
His former Nemesis's are poor and live in squallers.

CHEAP BOTTLED WINE

Real cheap bottled wine,
Bittersweet kiss on the lips,
Burns when you go pee,

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

MY BEST BUDDIE MACKIE JUST GOT A DIVORCE

My best buddy Mackie just got a divorce,
His wife was in love with another of course,
Unfair was the court,
With the child support,
It’s the wife’s lover’s primary income source.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

THE BEDBUG LIMERICK,HAIKU AND, POEM

BEDBUG LIMERICK
Jason found some bed bugs that were sucking on his knee,
He picked them off one at a time and let each bug go free,
George visited Jason at his house,
George brought bugs home to his spouse,
Bed bugs suck anyone’s blood and spread real easily.

BEDBUG HAIKU
Bedbugs bad suck blood,
Burn the cloths. Burn the beds too,
Nature’s nastiest.

BEDBUG POEM
You’ve never lived through a terrifying storm,
Until you’ve lived to watch the bedbugs swarm,
They race towards you because your blood is warm,
This is the lot you’ll face in a college dorm,

Bedbugs drink your blood and could not be meaner,
As your blood flows out you will become leaner,
Their bloodsucking jaws could not look obscener,
You just wish your roommate had been a bit cleaner,

Bedbugs, bedbugs in the very dark of night,
Causing all this mayhem and excessive fright,
As to your new digs just you don’t get too tight,
Cause we’re bringing them down with homemade dynamite.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

MANCELONA TIME

MANCELONA TIME

Mancelona had a pig roast,
They ate their pig with eggs and toast,
But then someone muttered,
Their toast was not buttered,
So,now they have no roast to boast,

If you really love to catch big fish,
In Mancelona you’ll get your wish,
They have rainbow trout,
And sunfish that pout,
And recipes to make your fish dish.

Mancelona was a real small town,
But, their cheese was famous all around,
Some saw a rat,
Near the cheese vat,
Then the cheese factory was shut down.

Friday, November 5, 2010

TAMMY WAS CURSED BY A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER-Limerick

Tammy was chugging vodka and apple cider,
When she swallowed a cursed black widow spider,
It bit her in the throat,
She then started to bloat,
Now, she eats all the flies that land beside her.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

HOW CHRISTMAS CAROLS COME TO BE

When the sky is cold and gray,
And summer seems so far away,
Snowflakes twinkle, a light display,
Then the mind begins to play,

Imagining a childhood tune,
Back in days that passed too soon,
Mother hummed it on christmas day,
While she set the table with display,

Soon some others would chime in,
Adding words with a Christmas spin,
Aunts and uncles and other kin,
Let their hearts speak out from deep within,

The house broke out with joyous song
And all the people sang along,
My sister pounded the piano keys,
New versus arrived with incredible ease,

Finally, the singing had to cease,
As we sat down for our meal of peace,
The food was really grand to eat,
But, being with loved ones is hard to beat,

The mind remembers the joyous past,
Those are the moments we want to last,
Such inspiration came to me,
How Christmas carols come to be.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

HALLOWEEN


Tricks,treats,nature change,
Candy,costumes,baron trees,
Party,summer's wake.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

A BAD MAN NAMED ROY

A witch cursed a bad man named Roy,
She turned him into a float toy,
He was a toy boat,
But, he could not float,
He was sank by a bad little boy.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

ODE TO “THE RENT IS JUST TOO DAMN HIGH” GUY

A strange looking man with his gray hair on the fly,
He had strange barred whiskers but, he was sober and spry,
At the governors debate he answered only one reply,
“The rent is just too damn high”,

If I lived in his state he’d have my vote free and clear,
The other candidates were evasive like the truth caused them fear,
This man had one answer to all the issues which profusely he’d cry,
All our problems are caused because “the rent is just too damn high”.

THERE WAS AN OLD WITCH ON HALLOWEEN

There was an old witch on Halloween,
Her hair was black, here eyes were green,
She used her broom,
To sweep her room,
Her home was exceptionally clean.


There was an old witch on Halloween,
Her favorite colors were red and green,
No orange and no black,
Other witches fought back,
Now the witch is a money machine.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

THE PILLOW OF A BACKWOODSMAN

Robert the backwoodsman made his own pillow,
He stuffed it with leaves from an old weeping willow,
But, when he went to bed,
And laid down his head,
The crunching woke his common law wife, Jillo.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

MICHIGAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL

In college football it must be said,
For Michigan, Michigan State is dread,
When the Spartans started to advance,
The U of M did not have a chance,
Between these two schools the rankings have spread.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

THERE WAS A GENETIC SCIENTIST NAMED JONES

There was a mad scientist named Jones,
His online screen name was "thebones",
He would spend his whole day,
With his own DNA
Now Jones has dozens of clones.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

THERE ONCE WAS A FIGHTER NAMED BORIS

There once was a kung fu fighter named Boris,
He sang off key tenor in his church chorus,
The choirmaster sent Boris home,
From the mouth Boris started to foam,
He then kicked the choirmaster like Chuck Norris.

JESSIE MADE A PAINTING

Jessie made a painting,
It was a village by the sea,
But, her bad luck was a tainting,
The village was flooded by broken lei.

Monday, October 11, 2010

JERRY HAD AN EVIL ID

Within Jerry there was an evil Id,
It made him do bad things,
He’d throw stones at the morning doves,
And, pull off butterfly wings,

The school sent Jerry to a doc,
To see if he was crazy,
The doctor assured that Jerry was,
Very evil and real lazy,

Now Jerry takes strong medication,
He just sits real quiet in school,
Now no one knows if Jerry is smart,
Or, just another fool,

So if you have an evil Id,
Don’t let anyone know,
Or they will fill you full of drugs,
And, then your life will blow.

VAMPIRE POEM

In the distance between the days,
A Vampire was born,
He lived in visual night and haze,
A prince whom many scorn,

Those that journey out into the night,
Where the prince of vampires waits,
Must know he's there not for the fright,
It's the blood that satiates.

Blood drawn deep down from the neck,
By demons made long ago,
Creatures not fit for heavan or heck,
Unloved, undead they know.

Vengence is a lonely child,
Kept pregnant deep within,
When let loose it's mind is wild,
The base of original sin.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

THERE WAS A CONGRESSWOMAN NAMED BELLE

There was a congresswoman named Belle,
Her vote was always there to sell,
She would take any bid,
That's all that she did,
That's why the government works so well.

THERE WAS AN OLD BANKER NAMED GENE

There was an old banker named Gene,
Everyone knew he was mean,
He would charge huge fees,
Put you down on your knees,
His interest rates were obscene.


There was an old banker named Gene,
Foreclosures made him real green,
He did what he could,
Not what he should,
He's so rich that now its obscene.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

THERE WAS A CROCKADILE NAMED LARRY

There was a crocodile named Larry,
When he grabs your leg it's really scary,
One day near the beach,
He grabbed an old teach,
Who was munching on a strawberry?

Monday, October 4, 2010

I DO MISS THE SUMMER

Today we got a hard freeze,
The cold made my nose run and sneeze,
I do miss the summer,
Cold air is a bummer,
Along with the chill in the breeze.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

RUSS AND HIS GOLD TOOTH LIMERICK

Russ had a front tooth that was gold,
Russ would smile and display his tooth bold,
A thief punched Russ in the face,
The tooth fell out of place,
The thief took the tooth to be sold.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

SHELIA THE COW HAD GAS

Shelia was a big white cow,
She ate up all the grass,
But, when at night she did lie down,
She passed enormous gas.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

ARNIE THE GOLDFISH AND HIS GUARDIAN ANGEL

Arnie the goldfish was sitting in jail,
He was arrested for exposing his tail,
Benny the fisherman liked Arnie a bunch,
He decided to have Arnie the goldfish for lunch,
Benny the fisherman put up Arnie's bail.

Monday, September 20, 2010

WHEN THE GARDEN FROST COMES TOO SOON

When the garden frost comes too soon,
A dirge for my plants is my tune,
If I would harvest too early,
My food would taste squirely,
A jeer to the cold harvest moon.

I tarried at a terrible cost,
My entire garden got the frost,
Dead plants are pepper and bean,
The squash don't look too keen,
The tomatoes will have to be tossed.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

THE VAMPIRE DREAM

They stay out in the dark river valleys,
They do not live but, haunt our dreams,
Of their kills they keep no tallies,
Revenge and bloodlusts are their themes,

What sharpened hooks that bleed our necks,
That takes in life and exhale death,
No mortal signs can craft a hex,
To save our blood and human breath,

The vampires have a certain need,
Though they have immortal powers,
To quench their thirst they make us bleed,
Until eternities sleep is ours.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

MY SAVIOR IS A TWO BY FOUR

My savior is a two by for,
I keep right beside my door,
When a creep comes my way,
I wish him a good day,
If he attacks I give him what for.

A PIG NAMED MORTIE

There was a very big pig named Mortie,
He was depressed because he turned forty,
He ate cottage cheese and cheddar,
The cheese made Mortie feel better,
But, the cheese made his skin all warty.

Mortie was an unhappy pig,
His head was small and his belly big,
He tried to loose weight,
But, fat was his fate,
So, he made his head large with a wig.

Monday, September 6, 2010

WHERE ARE THE SHIPS IN MORTIMER BAY?

There was a pirates cove on Mortimer Bay,
Two pirates ships anchored there one foggy day,
Then, along came Captain Dodger,
Who spied the Jolly Roger,
The Queen's Captain wanted the pirates to pay.

There were three ships in Mortimer Bay,
The largest one sailed away,
The other two had a fight,
Then sank out of sight,
Amongst sand and shellfish they lay.

The large pirate ship on Mortimer Bay,
Ran off from the battle the Bay folks say,
It sailed out to sea,
It was battle free,
But, hit rocks and sank anyway.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I TOOK MY DINGY TO NORTHPORT

I took my dingy to Northport to fish for the day,
But,a big speed boat was right in the way,
I asked if I could pass,
As they poured Champaign in their glass,
They then swamped me as they sped away.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A PETOSKEY STONE I SOLD TODAY

A Petoskey stone I sold today,
I sanded and polished since early May,
It sold for a buck,
It was not good luck,
To send it out I had three bucks to pay.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I STARTED TO POLISH A PETOSKEY STONE

I started to polish a Petoskey stone,
It's a fossil corral not a fossil bone,
It lived in the Devonian Era,
On our little planet called Terra,
I stopped polishing for an ice cream cone.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

ANIMAL JOKES

Joke: How many 12 inch fish are in a foot?
Answer: Feet don't have fish in them so there are zero fish in a foot.

Joke: If 40 birds are sitting in a tree and ten of them are chirping, 15 of them are quiet and 15 of them are standing on one leg then, how many of them are flying?
Answer: All forty birds are sitting in a tree so none of them is flying.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

BEN RAN-Limericks

Ben ran over a sharp wire,
It punctured right through his tire,
In just a little bit,
The wire the lightning hit,
That caused a massive car fire.

Ben hit a tree with his van,
It buckled up like a can,
Ben said he didn't care,
Then along came a bear,
Then on down the highway Ben ran.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BIG BEN AND HIS TIME TRAVEL MACHINE

Big Ben had a time travel machine,
He went back to when earth was pristine,
The earth looked really good,
Where garbage dumps had once stood,
And, the air was so sweet and so clean.

Big Ben traveled back in time,
To where no one ever commited a crime,
He decided to stay,
A million years far away,
From the people that had created the slime.

Friday, July 23, 2010

MY BANKER OWNS A SNOT MACHINE

When I go to see my banker,
He is snoty never mean,
That's because my banker owns,
A delux snot machine,

He tells me that my account is low,
And, I do not save a lot,
He tells me if I'd save some more,
He'd give me some free snot,

I told him to keep my money,
If, he would bother me no more,
Life is just so very short,
Snot's not worth living for.

Monday, July 19, 2010

BIRDIE BRONSON THE PHEASANT

Birdie Bronson was a pet pheasant,
She lived on a farm near Mt. Pleasant,
She spotted a worm,
He started to squirm,
This was like saying that food was present.

Birdie Bronson the pheasant loved her bugs,
Though, she never gave them kisses and hugs,
She bit them in two,
So she could chew,
Eating them by the bushels and lugs.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

GROVER AND MR. TURKEY

There was a chicken named Grover,
Who yearned for the end of October,
Because Mr. Turkey,
Was a real turkey Jerky,
Yet, in November his time would be over.

Monday, July 12, 2010

PHIL TOLD HIS GRANDMA THAT HE LIKED TO BLOG

Phil told his grandma that he liked to blog,
She gave him wood shoes to dance the clog,
When Phil scratched-up the floor,
His mom said no more,
Now the shoes are a play toy for the dog.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I KNEW A GIRL IN MANCELONA

I knew a nice girl from Mancelona,
She was always talking on her cell phona,
She’d call her boyfriend Rick Pain,
Who lived in old Spain,
It made her poor to call Barcelona.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A CHIPMUNK NAMED BOB

There was a little chipmunk Bob,
Stealing from squirrels was his job,
He'd watch them all day,
Then, when they hit the hay,
All of their treasures he'd rob.

A chipmunk named Bob liked to steal,
He'd watch the squirrels burry each meal,
A digging Bob would go,
But, once he was too slow,
And a squirrel bit Bob on the heel.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A BEAR NAMED FLUFFY

There once was a bear named Fluffy,
She thought of herself as a toughie,
But, when bitten by bees,
She fell from the trees,
Now her body is swollen and puffy.

Friday, May 28, 2010

TO A MOUSE REVISITED AND REVISED

While digging in my garden,
I came across a mouse,
But, unlike old Robert Burns,
I loved to destroy his house,

Old Burns loved the mousey,
Felt sorry for his lot,
I might like the mousey too,
If I didn’t know his plot,

The little mouse sneaks in my house,
He contaminates my food,
He leaves behind his raisons,
I think that’s awfully rude,

The mouse runs across my bedding,
He fills it all with lice,
I itch and scratch and wheeze all night,
And, pay an awful price,

Robert Burns thought that mice were fine,
He felt guilt and didn't wish them ill ,
Burns made peace with all in “Auld Lang Syne”,
With mice I know I never will,

They can send all the mice to Scotland,
To stay with Robert Burns,
He’s out on cemetery road,
With the statues and the urns.

A RAT HERO NAMED SHERMAN

There was a young ship rat named Sherman,
The sailors all called him a vermon,
But, when the ship caught on fire,
And, things looked real dire,
He saved all but himself said the sermon.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

THERE WAS A FRENCH POODLE NAMED DORIS-Limerick

There was a French poodle named Doris,
She fell in love with a dash hound named Morris,
But, Morris did not care,
He had affair after affair,
Making Doris just part of his chorus.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

MOW THE GRASS

It’s the time of the year to mow the grass,
Although I’d rather just take a pass,
My mower don’t run,
It’s hot in the sun,
The bugs bite me all over my mass.

Mowing the grass is a mortal sin,
It will just grow right back again,
If my heart has an attack,
I'll never grow back,
So, why not let the long grass win?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BASIL AND HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW LIMERICK

The thing that old Basil feared the very most,
Was when his mother-in-law became a ghost,
She would not go away,
She stayed night and day,
She used his mistress’s body as a host.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

THERE WAS A FAT PIG NAMED DAVEY

There was a fat pig named Davey,
He ate pork sausage and gravey,
He once ran out of food,
Became a real skinny dude,
Then, bought all his cloths at Old Navy.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A NANTUCKET LIMERICK

Sometimes you feel you should write rhymes with Nantucket,
I thought so today and then I said "Duck It",
Who likes the East anyway?
I will visit not stay,
I'd rather be home with my beer in a bucket.

Monday, May 10, 2010

MR. PURSE DRIVES A HEARSE

There was an old fella named Mr. Purse,
He worked every Tuesday driving a hearse,
He ran clear off the road,
Out the back went his load,
Seems old Purse had hit the reverse.

Mr. Purse drove a hearse for the dead,
From the parlor to the graveyard he tread,
He drove really bad,
Many accidents he had,
"It's good you only die once", people said.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

THE MOTHER'S DAY LIMERICKS

By Leigh Collin Brandt

Behind the flowers in pots of clay,
Behind the smiles while children play,
There is no other,
Like your mother,
Give her praise on Mother's Day.

No matter what other's smirk and say,
It's mom's encouragement you'll obey,
She won't talk you down,
She'll turn round your frown,
Celebrate her on Mother's Day.

Though years have past and you've grown apart,
There's a day each year that you can re-start,
Just contact and say,
Happy Mother's Day,
Once said then the words heal your heart.

THE FARMER IN THE DELL 2010-Limerick

There was a farmer who lived in a dell,
For him things did not go very well,
His pigs all had fleas,
The winter froze out his bees,
The farmer finally decided to sell.

The farmer in the dell owed money to the bank,
He could never repay it so, he was in the tank,
His stuff would not grow,
His cows starved in the snow,
His wife left saying he had himself to thank,

Saturday, May 1, 2010

THE EQUESTRIAN QUESTION ABOUT SAMMY SUE

By Leigh Collin Brandt
There was a race pony named Sammy Sue,
Sammy Sue did not know what to do,
Was he a boy or,
Was she a girl,
How should his behind swag and unfurl?

Sammy Sue of course finished first,
This situation was the worst of worst,
Should this mare be placed with a bud?
Or, should this stallion be put out to stud?

Friday, April 30, 2010

THE BALLAD OF DAN DE VILLE

There was a grasshopper named Dan De Ville,
He would hop from hill to hill,
He gave all the girls quite the thrill,
When he'd preen himself on a window sill,

Dan De Ville was quite vain,
To the point he was insane,
He jumped in front of a train,
They say he never felt a pain.

THERE WAS A HORSE NAMED MR. DICKS

There was a horse named Mr. Dicks,
He ran real fast because of ticks,
The ticks would bite,
Mr. Dicks took flight,
Dicks was one of the Derby's top picks.

THERE WAS A CRAWDAD NAMED CLAUD

There once was a crawdad named Claude,
His claws were overly broad,
If you gave him one inch,
That's just what he'd pinch,
And, off that inch his claw sawed.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

THERE WAS A MAN NAMED PERKINS LIMERICK

There once was a man named Perkins,
He loved eating sour Gherkins,
He ate so many one night,
His lips puckered up tight,
It took days to fix his mouth work-ins.

A man named Perkins owned a pet store,
He sold little pigs but, nothing more,
He tried selling big hogs,
They were heavy like logs,
And, that made is back mighty soar.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

MELVIN THE HORSE BANKER-Limereick

Melvin the horse was extremely crazy indeed,
He sold hen houses to chickens for chicken feed,
He got them great loans,
They couldn't pick chicken bones,
But, the fine print is what they should have tried to read

Melvin the horse sold loans with a variable rate,
Things went really well until such and such a date,
Because borrowers took a snooze,
In the end they just had to loose,
Homeless and broke is a really terrible fate.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

EVIL BANKERS

I went to my banker when I lost all my money,
He said that in his world everything looked real sunny,
He said with regret,
He had more to beget,
From stupid people he thought were so funny.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A MOOSE NAMED PETE-Limericks

Pete the moose was ten feet tall,
But, his feet were just too small,
He could not run fast,
'cause his ankles wouldn't last,
So, a grizzly came by to call.

There once was a moose named Pete,
He was not real fast on his feet,
He ran into a bear,
The bear did not scare,
The bear had plenty to eat.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

THE SNEAKY BANKER

I made an appointment with my bank,
Because my savings was in the tank,
The interest paid was one percent,
More income was my meetings intent,

My banker looked at me really sad,
He said having a savings account was bad,
He said but, if I bought bonds I'd be real glad,
I'd earn a rate of return like dear old dad,

So, I gave him my money he invested it fast,
He said I'd be rich and my riches would last,
His firm had made billions for all in the past,
Their investments were sound and incredibly vast,

After that I went home and really slept well,
I knew that my investments would certainly swell,
But, the morning paper said it was too late to sell,
The investments I bought had all gone to hell,

It seems what I had bought my broker sold short,
Which he did not mention in his report,
My money was lost, it was too late to abort,
And the laws had been changed, I couldn't take him to court,

So, please learn this lesson about who you can trust,
If you trust in your banker you will surely go bust,
He's sneaky and, cleaver and, loves to deceive,
He purchased the laws, he has his reprieve.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

THERE WAS A GIRL FROM TRAVERSE CITY

There was a girl from Traverse City,
Her eyes were bright her hair was pretty.
She laid in the sun,
Till she was well done,
Now her skin is all withered and gritty.

THE FARMALL TRACTOR LIMERICK AND POEM

THE FARMALL TRACTOR LIMERICK
Ode to the famous Farmall tractor,
In rural lands it's a big actor,
It plowed up the fields,
Gave farmers big yields,
In nation building it was a factor.

THE FARMALL TRACTOR POEM
The Farmhill tractor never failed,
Through dust bowls and wars it prevailed,
It put bread on the tables worldwide,
No one doubted it would provide,

Farm families knew it was on their side,
The Farmall tractor was made with pride,
No farm machine will ever be admired more,
Model Farmall tractors are found in your farming store.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

ZIGGY THE GREDDY PIG POEM

ZIGGY THE GREEDY PIG POEM
Ziggy the pig just hated the poor,
When he’d pay taxes he hated them more,
But, he wanted them all to shop in his store,
He sold overpriced crap from ceiling to floor.

Ziggy the pig was a creepy old bird,
He liked to cheat people and didn’t keep his word,
He stole from the children, the old and the sick,
When he took their last dime it gave him a kick’

Ziggy the pig was a bad parent too,
He turned his sons into pork chops,
He turned his daughters to glue,
Ziggy the pig put his wife in a stew,

Ziggy the pig would never relent,
He thought doing evil was just heaven sent,
For all of his cruelty he could not repent,
For Ziggy the pig had a mind that was bent.


ZIGGY THE PIGGY LIMERICKS
I once worked for a greedy piggy,
His name was Mr. Sid Ziggy,
He shorted our pay,
Cheated customers all day,
So, I went and found a new giggy.

Sid Ziggy was the greediest pig,
All the checkout scanners he would rig,
He claimed to be a saint,
So, with a customer complaint,
He’d have the customer hauled off to the brig.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

THE MEAN BLUE BIRD NAMED JAY-Limerick

There was a big blue bird named Jay,
He chased all the small birds away,
An eagle dropped by,
He ate Jay on the fly,
No one helped Jay on that day.

Jay was a really mean old bird,
He only screamed and said not a word,
When an eagle named Heather,
Ate Jay beak and feather,
Jay's screams was all anyone heard.

No one was sad to see Jay gone,
He was mean from dawn to dawn,
For his memorial day,
Nothing good could one say,
At the wake they had salt licks and prawn.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

REVENGE

Vengeance is a lonely child,
Kept pregnant deep within,
When let loose it's mind is wild,
The base of original sin.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

SOLID MORNING FOG By Leigh Collin Brandt

VERSE I
Solid morning fog,

Sweet vapors of yesterday,

Melting into dresms.

VERSE II
The thick morning fog,

Sweet vapors of yesterday,

Melting into sunbeams.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

THERE WAS A SMALL MONKEY NAMED ANDY

There was a small monkey named Andy,
He loved a baboon named Sandy,
But, because of the gov.
They couldn't marry their love,
Yet, they stayed together jimdandy.

When Andy first saw Sandy,
His thughts were really randy,
He asked her to marry,
But, Sandy would tarry,
Then, the laws changed for poor Andy.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

MACY THE WHITE TAILED DEER-Limerick

Macy is a white tailed deer,
She crosses traffic when it's clear,
She will wait for days,
She will look both ways,
That's why Macy is still here.

A deer named Macy eats in sweet corn fields,
She angers farmers as she reduces yields,
They all want her to pay,
She outwits them each day,
Her cunning is the one weapon she wields.

WINTER SLEEPER By Leigh Collin Brandt

The Winter Sleeper,

Green goddess of the forest,

Awaken to the sun.

BRONSON THE BEAVER BEAR-Limerick

Bronson was a beaver bear,
His species was really rare,
He built damns with logs,
Frightened cats and dogs,
A cave was his main lair.

There once was a beaver bear named Bronson,
He moved to Michigan from Wisconsin,
His body was a black bear,
His beaver head gave a scare,
He married a beaver bear named Johnson.

Friday, April 2, 2010

A FLEA NAMED NORMAN Limerick

There once was a small flea named Norman,
He worked construction as a foreman,
He mixed up cement,
It made him content,
It was better than being a doorman.

A flea named Norman was full of pride,
He poured concrete until he died,
He built bridges real long,
And buildings real strong,
He looks on from the other side.

THE RABBIT NAMED SAM

There once was a rabbit named Sam,
He ate Easter eggs with his ham,
When he ate some roast beef,
His belly had grief,
Cause he spiced it up and went "BAM!".

THE SAD LIFE OF CLYDE THE CARP-Limerick

Clyde was a brown carp who laid in the mud,
He'd eat fish food or just floating crud,
He couldn't find a wife,
He was single for life,
'cause the lady carp called Clyde a dud.

There once was a carp named Clyde,
He laid all one day on his side,
He would not eat his fish food,
Which seemed really rude,
Then, someone realized Clyde had died.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

BOBBY THE WOLF

Bobby the wolf has one good eye,
No one knows because he is sly,
He stays leader of the pack,
But, when the bears attack,
He doesn't see them so all wolves die.


,

Monday, March 29, 2010

THERE WAS A MOUSE NAMED LARRY? Limerick

There was a mouse named Larry,
His tail was wide and hairy,
He chased it around,
And guess what he found,
He was really a squirrel named Mary.

RUTH THE TOOTHLESS AND SMELLY BEAVER

There once was a beaver named Ruth,
She did not have even one tooth,
With a sharp ax and a breeze,
She knocked down the trees,
She was fastest and that's the truth.

Ruth the beaver was so full of bad gas,
Everyone ran when she started to pass,
You couldn't help to think,
She made a big stink,
Then, she laughed showing she had no class.

Monday, March 22, 2010

THERE WAS A GIRL FROM MIDLAND

There was a girl from the Midland mores,
She liked doing dishes and scrubbing floors,
She would work half a day,
She would work for no pay,
Good old mom did most of my chores.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I KNEW A LEPRECHAUN WHOSE NAME WAS PHIL

I knew a leprechaun whose name was Phil,
He liked to eat sour pickles and dill,
He ate so many one day,
He tuned green like the bay,
You could not see him on a green grassy hill.

Phil the leprechaun had a pot of gold,
He stood and guarded it and acted bold,
Then, along came a snake,
And, Phil started to shake,
Then, Phil ran off to parts yet untold.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

LEPRECHUANS IN CLARE MICHIGAN

Leprechauns live in the county of Clare,
In Clare there are leprechauns everywhere,
They run the hotels,
And ring the church bells,
And, green is the color they share.

I went to the wildest county fair,
In the Michigan county of Clare,
There were leprechauns all over,
They were dancing in the clover,
But, I didn't find a pot of gold there.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A TREE TOAD LIMERICK

A tree toad ate whole apples all day,
He would then spit the seeds far away,
One time he hit a chicken,
He then got a good lick-en,
Now he swallows the seeds to obey.

Friday, March 12, 2010

A ROOSTER NAMED LEE LIMERICK

There was a young rooster named Lee,
He planed to escape and be free,
When no one looked hence,
He flew over the fence,
To a fox that waited for he.

A rooster named Lee loved chicken feed,
He ate a lot more than he could need,
Lee got big and fat,
The farmer saw that,
Lee was supper because of his greed.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

LIL Limerick

There was a sweet lady named Lil,
She worked down at the bar and grill,
She'd do as you please,
With more onions and cheese,
Her burgers were just such a thrill.

BRAIN EATING ZOMBIE SQUIRREL

My mind is in a complete whirl,
I was attacked by a brain eating zombie squirrel,
He jumped on my head,
Soon I was dead,
If I eat anything but brains I will hurrell.

Friday, March 5, 2010

SHANNON WAS THE GIRL I LOVED

Shannon was the girl I loved,
I loved her through and ture,
But, when I told her of my love,
She said I don't love you.

She said I was a pervert freak,
She said I was a looser,
She said she saw my future clear,
I'd just end up a boozer.

Now once I was a millionaire,
I looked my Shannon up,
She lived with a drunkard in despair,
With eight kids and a pup.

MY GIRLFRIEND JANE

My girlfriend Jane was near sighted,
After glasses her eyesight was righted,
She took one look at me,
She said set me free,
For my love was now unrequited.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I BOUGHT A TOYOTA CAR

I bought a Toyota Car,
I thought I would really go far,
I slammed on the brakes,
Found out they were fakes,
They scraped me up off of the tar.

Monday, February 22, 2010

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL NAMED TAYLOR

There once was a girl named Taylor,

She went to college at Baylor,

But, when she went home,

It was too cold in Nome,

So then she ran off with a sailor.

Monday, February 8, 2010

THERE WAS A GREAT BIG FELLA-Limerick

There was a big farmer fella,
He married a gal named Stella,
They found a home with some charm,
They began a mushroom farm,
Raising mushrooms called portabella.

There once was a great big fella,
He married a gal named Ella,
But, he was already wed,
Ella chopped off his head,
The other widow's name is Stella.

THERE WAS A SQUIRREL THAT LIKED HIS NUTS-Limerick

There was a squirrel that liked his nuts,
He buried them in holes and ruts,
The squirrel was slow,
So when there was snow,
He starved because he was a putz.