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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

MY KITTY CAT

My kitty cat is a nasty yellow cur,
At me he hisses but with others he’ll purr,
He really hates the hand that feeds,
He scratches me for fulfilling his needs,
I hope he chokes on his ball of yellow fur.

Friday, December 27, 2013

WHAT SANTA DOES WHILE UNEMPLOYED

When Santa sits around unemployed,
He stares off into the void,
Soon lickety-split,
He jumps up, he can’t sit,
He must design a toy doggie droid.



Thursday, December 26, 2013

IT'S THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS

It's the day after Christmas and what is my wish,
But, to cut open a can of some flaked tuna fish,
After a big Christmas dinner,
Tuna fish is a winner,
Just stick a fork in the can and then swish.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

THE NUTS, THE GUTS AND THE CUTS LIMERICK

Jim roasted a bag of chestnuts,
He cracked them open to get to the guts, 
It didn't hurt Jim's pride,
If no guts were inside,
But, his fingers got chestnut shell cuts.


Monday, November 25, 2013

I BOUGHT A STOCK LIMERICK

I bought several  shares of stock ,
I lost so much money my teeth I did hock,
I thought I had ivory to spare,
Thought I'd grow a new pair,
When I did not it came as a shock.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

SANTA THE BIG BUSINESS MAN

Santa had an  evil businessman’s id,
Although at Christmas he would keep it well hid,
Santa liked to throw snowballs at elfin workers,
If he felt that they were elfin work shirkers,
So, on ice the elves  tripped him and laughed as he slid.

 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

BULGING BUNS: BOB AND HIS DESK JOB

Bob had a desk job in his chair he would stay,
But, a big problem arose one terrible day,
Bob couldn't walk through a door because his rear was so wide,
In order to pass through Bob had to turn to his side,

In order to shrink his enormous rear,
Bob had to stop consuming his baked beans and beer,
So, Bob changed his diet and shed many a tear,
After consuming just salads for a whole year,

Bob's buns became buff and the chicks called him dear,
But, re-bulging buns will make Bob live in fear.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

A SPIDER NAMED NELLIE LIMERICK

A spider named Nellie lived under the stairs,
This spider named Nellie was afraid of big bears,
She would never go outside,
Under the stairs she would hide,
Counting each of her forty-one graying hairs.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

DETENTION PSYCHOSIS IN THE 5TH DIMENSION LIMERICK


Billy's barn was in the 5th dimension,
He dreamed it up while in detention,
It was his artistic vent,
Because his mind was all bent,
Billy's psychosis had fathered invention.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

TRICK FOR TREATS LIMERICK

On Halloween I'll trick for treats,
            I'll fill my bag all up with sweets,
When I've finished my roam,
I'll head for home,
And, settle down with all my eats.  

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A GHOST NAMED BOO

There once was a ghost they called Boo.
His eyes, hair and teeth were all blue,
He bleached himself white,
The bleach burned day and night,
So, it made the ghost go boohoo.

A ghost named Boo would haunt and scare,
Everyone he tried to terror,
He went out of the house,
To frighten a mouse,
But, was frightened himself by a bear.

Monday, October 28, 2013

TO BE A TWIT

Social media in just a few letters,
Is for the simple minded bed wetter‘s, 
If you cannot exchange, 
In verbiage of wide range,
Then, you’re amongst the intellectual debtors.  

Monday, October 21, 2013

MISS SHORT LOVED HER RHUBARB PIE

Miss Short made great rhubarb pie,
She ate it in her den,
She’d share it with anyone,
A neighbor, a stranger or, kin,

Miss Long made a rhubarb pie,
She could not give it away,
She didn’t cook the rhubarb down enough,
It was runny like soup most say,

Miss Short would not share her secrets,
Miss Short’s pie was always the top,
Miss Long tried to make more pies,
But, they all turned out to be just slop.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

TURTLE SOUP, LIZARDS, SNAKES AND BUGS DANCING THE HULA-HOOP

I could not find a turtle for my turtle soup,
So, I went out to see what crawled on my front stoop,
I found a green lizard,
A snake with a gizzard,
And, four bugs danced a mean hula-hoop.



Friday, October 11, 2013

POOR LITTLE HYPER-TOAD

Poor little hyper-toad,
If coffee you would not drink,
Then you would not be so jittery,
And your underarms might not stink,

Poor little hyper-toad,
Although your skin is green,
You have nasty grayish warts,
That is better left unseen,

Poor little hyper-toad,
You’re bad looks keep you unharmed,
You think no one will eat you,
Your aspect makes predators alarmed.

Poor little hyper-toad,
I might be just a hungry fox,
But, even I can easily tell,
You‘re ugly but have no pox,

Poor little hyper-toad,
You are picked on way to much,
But, soon your hurt feelings will go away,
Because I’m hungry now for lunch.



Thursday, September 26, 2013

THE IN-BETWEEN OF HER TOES

Natalie had a really small nose,
Even so, she could smell the in-between of her toes,
It was offensive, unclean,
All that gooey green,
So, she washed the in-between with a hot power-hose.

Friday, August 30, 2013

I GOT BIT BY MY PET BRAIN EATING ZOMBIE SQUIRREL TODAY

HOW I BECAME A ZOMBIE
My pet brain eating zombie squirrel bit me earlier today,
My nose is runny with some goopy green stuff and my skin is turning real gray,
I am having terrible headaches and my stomach has horrific hunger pains,
I think the only way to cure this malady is by eating someone else’s fresh brains.

Monday, August 26, 2013

NANCY THE SCORPION LIMERICK

Nancy the scorpion has one nasty bite,
It is because her long tail is wound up very tight,
Her tail has such a sting,
She displays it like bling,
And, she likes to surprise you at night.


Friday, August 23, 2013

HERBIE AND HIS LEAN-TO SHACK

Herbie built a lean-to shack,
To show the world he could come back,
He had lost his home,
To a Wall Street gnome,
After his employer gave him the sack.


Thursday, August 22, 2013

Monday, August 19, 2013

THE SNEEZE MADE ME CHOOSE BEANS AND NOT PEAS

I went to the market to buy some bulk, dried, green peas,
But, over the bulk-bin the clerk gave a sneeze,
It gave me a chill, 
Watching the white mucus spill,
So, I asked for the red beans if you please.

Friday, August 16, 2013

SUNTAN WITH A CRAYON

No matter what poor Karen couldn't tan,
So, she tried drawing one on with a crayon,
She couldn't get the right hue,
So, she just crayoned herself blue,
Now, she matches the color of her minivan.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

THE WOODCUTTER FELLED A BIRCH ON A CHURCH

Willie the woodcutter cut down a big birch,
But, Willie felled the birch wrong upon the neighborhood church,
The birch knocked-off the bell,
On poor Willie it fell,
Willie found a nice cloud where he'll perch.

THE CHICKENS IN JEFF'S DRAWERS

Jeff found some chickens in his drawers,
They had ate his marshmallows he had saved for s'mores,
The chickens were hasty,
So, Jeff fried them up tasty,
Then, his after dinner dessert was a Coors.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

REVENGE OF THE WOOD STOVE WIZARD

There once was a wizard who's wood stove burned wood,
When the fire burned brightly the wizard was good,
But, when the wood smoldered and hissed,
The wizard felt dissed,
And, burned down all the woodlands he could.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

SAMMY'S SANDCASTLE AND THE BUILDING CODE LIMERICK

Sammy's sandcastle was not built to code,
He ignored the inspectors and didn't strengthen the load,
The load did not bear,
The sand fell everywhere,
Now, Sammy lives under the bridge in the road.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

THE CHOCOLATE BAR IN THE JAR LIMERICK

Don found in his basement an old greenish jar,
He found within it an unwrapped chocolate bar,
It was bitter and sour,
Don spit it with power,
For it wasn't chocolate but, an old chunk of tar.  

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

BARRY WAS A TWEETIE BIRDIE

Barry was a tweetie-birdie,
But, his tweets were way too wordy,
So, he quit using the vowel,
On verbs he threw in the towel,
His tweets are now not so purdy.

Barry the singing bird was quite the tweeter,
He said nothing new; he was a tweet repeater,
His tweets were not bold,
They were copies so old,
Barry was just a tweet thief and a cheater.

THE SPACECRAFT BACK SEAT DRIVER



Tuesday, August 6, 2013

THE STEVE LIMERICK

This limerick is about a hiker named Steve,
Up steep, rocky mountains he'd swerve and he'd weave,
Once he got to the top,
He sucked down sodapop,
Then, Steve got sick and gave his soda a heave. 

Monday, August 5, 2013

DAN MET THE WEIRD SISTERS


Dan met up with three sisters and they were all weird,
They had a shocking appearance when they all appeared,
They told Dan he'd be king,
If ten dollars he'd bring,
Dan is out his ten dollars it's feared.


Sunday, August 4, 2013

NOT TO SEE FAR OR NEAR AND DRIVE OFF THE PIER

Dennis the driver couldn't see far or near,
Dennis the driver drove his truck off the pier,
Dennis did find his way,
To the bottom of the bay,
Now, his bones sit at the wheel where they steer.   


Thursday, August 1, 2013

BERNIE PULLED HIS SHOESTRINGS TIGHT



Bernie pulled his shoestrings left and right,
To make his tennies fit real tight,
He moved his belt up a notch,
Did the same with his watch,
Bernie turned blue, passed out, what a sight.


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

MARISSA THE TOAD PICKS ON A FAT BEAR

Marissa was a vain and thoughtless young toad,
She was covered with warts as per toad dress code, 
Marissa told a bear he was too fat,
So, he pooped on the toad brat,
Which made Marissa's pretty warts all erode.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

MY GOLDFISH AND THE PIE-HOLE


My goldfish were too big for their bowl,
I didn't have one larger to fulfill the bowl role,
So, I took my goldfish to the lake,
Where I thought they would take,
But, my fish ended up in a bullfrog's pie-hole. 

Monday, July 29, 2013

THE AFTERLIFE LIMERICK

Into the dirt or the fires in death we remorse,
To the worms or the ashes, what is our recourse,
Either a worm feces we become,
Or, an old tin urn we pour from,  
Finally, we return to the piles of our source.

Friday, July 26, 2013

THE FLIES COME HATCHING OUT

The flies come hatching out,

Then,  through my window screen redoubt,

I swing flyswatter with flair,

But, it needs much repair,

My home swarms with flies all about.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A LOGIN LIMERICK

I tried and failed to login,
I couldn't remember my pin,
Then, I typed in my name,
And, up my account came,
I know a simple pin is a sin.

Monday, July 22, 2013

MY BIRDIE RELATIONS

The birdies like on worms to dine,
But, I hang my washing on the line,
So, my washing is speckled,
At work I am heckled,
My birdie relations aren't fine.


Sunday, July 21, 2013

MY NEIGHBOR'S CHICKEN OH GOOD GRIEF LIMERICK

My neighbor's chicken oh good grief,

Got in my chicken and ate my beef,

Although two wrongs don't make right,

My food budget is tight,

So, roast chicken was my chosen relief.

 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

HANK PLAYED U-BOAT IN HIS DINGY

Hank was surprised that his old dingy would float,

He had used it as a barn for his pygmy pet goat,

But, when the Hankster jumped in,

He saw a hole in the tin,

So, Hank ended up playing U-boat.

 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

TEN LITTLE MINNOWS: THE NOSE POEM

Ten little minnows nibbled on my toes,

I thought nothing of it until their number rose,

When I went to swim to shore,

There were a million minnows more,

All that made it to the shoreline was my nose.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

YOUR TRAILER, MY FAILURE, YOU LOSE

Well, I have some really bad news,

In your trailer I put in the wrong fuse,

I didn't expect all the fire,

From every electrical wire,

I'm sure the charred rubble you'll want to peruse.




Sunday, July 14, 2013

I WENT TO EGYPT TO DIG UP A MUM

I went to Egypt to dig up a mum,

But, I stayed at a hotel and drank tankards of rum,

So, I let the mum be,

And, watched colored TV,

While chewing on a big wad of gum.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

CHRISTMAS: THE NIGHT BEFORE LIMERICK

It was the night before Christmas and I just found my mouse,

I had searched and I searched all over the house,

I had e-mails to send,

Many relatives to offend,

Then, I spilled eggnog and my keyboard took a douse.

 

Monday, July 8, 2013

THE SKEETER HEATER AND MY DRIED-UP POND LIMERICK

One day the sun was quite the heater,

It even dried-up every skeeter,

But, my pond fish had a need,

For fresh skeeter feed,

No matter, my pond dried-up, every liter.
 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

THE WEDDING CAKE LIMERICK




My cherry-chocolate wedding cake,

Took my aunt three days to make,

The frosting, divine,

Chased down with red wine,

And, the polka band increased intake.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

MY FORTH OF JULY FIREWORKS

My fireworks went-off on the forth of July,

But, it was inside the car and made my mom cry,

No one was hurt,

But, mom was real curt,

And, lectured until us kids heaved a sigh.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

BARRY'S MARCHING BAND LIMERICK

Barry's band marched in a parade down the main street,

But, no one could tell their right from left feet,

They couldn't march in a straight line,

But, sounded just fine,

Even though, the drum major couldn't keep the beat.

Monday, July 1, 2013

KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now, Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now, he feels bad because he is well teased.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.
COOP

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

THE FEDS, MY FAMILY AND ME

I got home just in time to take my meds,

But, they were confiscated by the Feds,

My family accused of being reds,

Now, we sleep in cages on bunk beds.

Monday, June 24, 2013

RICH GOT A LITTLE TINY PRICK

Rich got a little tiny prick,

When the doctor said that he was sick,

The needle was long,

 It felt painful and wrong,

But, felt better with a big kissy lick.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

VEGAN NACHO TOMATO PASTE

My friend Carey gave me some vegan nacho tomato paste,

She made it from scrapings from her yard, garden waste,

I don't know what her yard, garden grows,

But, it ran out my nose,

And, left me with a rotten veggie, bitter fungal yard taste.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

THE BAD BEES

I am the killer of many bad bees,

When they bite on the backside of my knobby knees,

They rip flesh by the inch,

So, I give them a pinch,

And, they bite harder as I give them a squeeze.

 


Thursday, June 20, 2013

MILK, THE ALTERNATIVE FUEL

There was an inventor whose name was Larry,

He invented a car that ran on dairy,

Cheese, milk, and eggs too,

Made his car cluck, cluck and moo,

But, the price of the fuel made folks wary.




Wednesday, June 19, 2013

THE MIXED METAPHOR SCORE

I love to mix the metaphor,

Like shooting ducks in barrels in a row,

It makes the over educated roar,

But, speaks to the minions who already know.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

THE HYENA AND SISSY KATRINA

My dog's name was Sissy Katrina,

She liked chasing boats at the bay side marina,

Then, on an African liner,

She met her lover, a whiner,

And, a growling biter for he was a hyena.
 

Monday, June 17, 2013

A FIGHT WITH TWO OR MORE GORILLAS

If you fight with two or more gorillas,

They'll each have 500 pounds over chinchillas,

Their bods are hard as a rock,

And, they will clean your clock,

Then, you'll take a dirt nap at one of the worm farming villas.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

MY ROBOT'S NAME IS NED

My robot's name is Ned,

He's a help unless his battery goes dead,

He is average at checkers,

But, makes turkey-club double-deckers,

I keep him charged or the kids won't get fed.


Monday, June 10, 2013

THE BIG ROCK COMES FOR US

There's a great big rock that comes for us,

But, We cannot jump off our satellite bus,

Our forward road is so clear,

Our future time is quite dear,

We must enjoy life without fear or a fuss.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

THE BUTT COLLECTOR

George had a collection of cigarette signed butts,

Only from the those deemed famous, infamous or nuts,

He had mud wrestlers and drag queens,

Those smoked by stars on silent screens,

The oldest ones were said to be king Tut's.


Saturday, June 8, 2013

THE TIME TRAVEL PEASANT

My time machine will machine no more,

So, I can't the future or the past explore,

I am stuck in the present,

Like a time travel peasant,

Such a mundane existence I deplore.

Friday, June 7, 2013

BACTERIA FIT FOR A KING

The king took a drink from his favorite chalice,

But, the drink was filled with a bacterial malice,

The king was a dope,

Didn't like hot water or soap,

So, on porcelain he reigns from the palace.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I WISH I WAS A LUCKY LARRY


Larry was a high school hero,

Who had an ego as big as Nero,

He said he'd live off his good looks,

And, never bother with the books,

He now has billions while the rest of us have zero.

 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

MY QUEST FOR DIDGERIDOO KUNG FU

I always wanted a didgeridoo,

So, I went to Australia for one with Kung Fu,

But, a dingo gave a bite,

Now, my mind ain't quite right,

And, I hop like some fat kangaroo.

 

I WENT OUT DIGGING TRUFFLES

I went out digging truffles underneath a big pine tree,

I don't know what a truffle is so I picked what I could see,

I found a bug, a can and snake,

A bottle cap and partial rake,

I wonder which one of my items a pricey truffle be.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

THE UNDER-THE-BED BOOGIEMAN LIMERICK

There is a nasty boogieman who lives under my bed,

He likes to chew on my old shoes and bop me in the head,

I know he is a stinker,

But, he's friends with my cat Tinker,

So, to keep peace I keep my complaints unsaid.

Friday, May 31, 2013

I STOLE A DRUID'S STAFF AND HE STOLE MY BACKWOODS JEEP

I rode my jeep into the woods and found a druid fast asleep,

He had a magic staff that I decided I would keep,

But, man did I take a toll,

That vengeful druid made me a troll,

And, even worse he stole my backwoods custom jeep.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

TWO PICKLES AND A NIGHTMARE

Randy ate a pair of pickles before bed on a dare,

But, then he tossed all night with a nasty nightmare,

From his belly Randy dreamt,

There was an exit attempt,

Out his bellybutton slipped the pickles with a pear.

THE RESTAURANT DISHWAHSING SNAILS LIMERICK

Owning a restaurant was one of Joan's greatest wishes,

Now that she owns one she hates washing dishes,

On cleaning dishes she fails,

So, she picked up some snails,

The snails clean but, they leave behind gooey squishes.

 

Monday, May 27, 2013

THE MEMORIAL DAY TURKEY LIMERICK

My plumpest turkey was named Steve,

He earned himself a Thanksgiving reprieve,

Not too much to brag,

But, he saluted the flag,

On Memorial Day morning and eve.
 

Saturday, May 25, 2013

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM TWO

When Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Went swimming at the beach,
The other swimmers filled with fear,
A little kid let out a screech,

For Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Looked like a lake monster of yore,
And, all the swimmers ran for high ground,
As Marcie came ashore,

Now, Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Stood dumbfounded, alone on the sand,
Then, a helicopter came and chased Marcie away,
And, from the beach Marcie was band.


 

Friday, May 24, 2013

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Wanted to pull Santa's sleigh,
So, she hooked herself up in the sleigh gear,
Thinking she'd soon be on her way,

But, Santa told her she couldn't go,
And Marcie asked him why,
Santa said there ain't no show,
Since it's the middle of July.

 

Thursday, May 23, 2013

PET PIG BACON AND SAGE SPRIG SAUSAGE LIMERICK

Gretta had a pot bellied pig,

Dan's peanuts it decided to dig,

Because Dan's food had been taken,

Dan made him some bacon,

And, some sausage with a leafy sage sprig.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

THE FLYING SAUCER LANDED IN MY YARD SAGA POEM

A flying saucer landed in my yard,
It really caught me way off guard,
Especially when out popped two green men,
Both were tall and very thin,

Perhaps it was a grievous sin,
I didn’t fight because I could not win,
So, I decided to invite them in,
For a glass of beer and a late din din,

They ate some chicken and drank my beer,
All the while I shook in fear,
What I feared most was an alien probe,
I just wished they’d leave my simple adobe,

The aliens chewed and spit out my best cheese,
After that they seemed at ease,
I hoped my dinner did appease,
But, just in case I got down on my knees,

Finally, one of the aliens spoke,
He said my planet was just a big joke,
He said that my food and spirits were o.k.
So, my planet was spared for another day,

They said that every alien race,
Would likely visit my very quaint place,
The food was edible and the beer was good,
The bathrooms were cleaned like a hotel should,

The aliens stole my towels and stole my soap,
Even the soap that hung on a rope,
They jumped in their saucer and sped fast away,
But, more came for dinner the very next day.




Saturday, May 18, 2013

SIMON CHOOSE THE BOOZE

Simon had two girlfriends,
They both had hair dyed blue,
One girlfriend was Rachel,
The other one was Sue,

Simon's blue haired girlfriends,
Got together and said "choose",
Simon couldn't live with just one,
So, he picked a third choice:  booze!
 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

DON'S PERSPECTIVE AND HIS REALITY

Don thought happiness was a perspective you turned on at will,

Until after he received his very first bill,

After he received many more,

He figured out was was in store,

Don's perspective went from happy to ill.



Wednesday, May 15, 2013

BRENDA DINES ALONE

Brenda would serve all types of hard cheese,

Along with some cornbread and homemade herb teas,

Though she dined all alone,

With her cat named Malone,

She was happy, well balanced, at ease.
 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

THE BOTULISM LIMERICK

Jennifer ate mushrooms she picked in the yard,

Those she didn't eat she froze or she jarred,

But, with some she got sick,

Because she cooked them too quick,

And, botulism caught her off guard.

 

Monday, May 13, 2013

MOTHER'S DAY CHICKEN

Mommy ate chicken for her Mother's Day meal,

She shouldn't have ate it because it was colored teal,

Well, Mommy got sick,

From her Mother's Day Chick,

Pink bismuth made her sick belly heal.
 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

THAT GNOME GAVE ME A FUNNY LOOK LIMERICK

Watch out the gnomes are coming for you,

They will bite you and eat you and your family too,

They stand out on your dirt,

With their wink you think "flirt",

When, they only look at you as a stew.
 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

MY OLD MARE LIMERICK

My old mare thought she was a superior horse breed,

So, she'd only eat super premium horse feed,

Then, she read the ingredient on the sack,

And, had a major heart attack,

For the ingredient was just ground up ragweed.
 

Friday, May 10, 2013

WHAT BECAME OF MY SAUSAGE LINKS

I made bean and pepper pork sausage links,

But, my brother-in-laws were both nasty finks,

They ate ten sausages apiece,

Then, passed gas like two geese,

And, said that my sausage just stinks.

 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

THE BROKEN NOSE LIMERICK

I was watering my garden and pulled on the hose,

It pulled loose from the house and I fell on my nose,

My nose broke in two places,

So, with two profile faces,

I change my look when I change my nose pose.

 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

ROOFTOP TOAD HAIKU


 Rooftop toad,

Hot sun, hot tar, Oh!

Stuck warts and all but, nice view.


 

Monday, May 6, 2013

FUNDING A NEW CORVETTE

I went to buy a new Corvette,

But, found I couldn't afford the debt,

So, I remortgaged my house,

Divorced my shop-happy spouse,

Still, my funds haven't got their yet.
 

Monday, April 29, 2013

DEBBIE JOINED A PICKET LINE

Debbie joined a picket line to show union support,

She was arrested for trespassing and ended up in a court,

She got 90 days,

Found support seldom pays,

When police show up your protest, abort.
 

Monday, April 22, 2013

LEPRECHAUN SWEET TOOTH LIMERICK

A lot of leprechauns are shopping in stores,

Buying candy bars and marshmallows for s'mores,

But, what is really sad,

Is their teeth are all bad,

Unlike sweet treats toothpaste really bores.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

THE TURTLE RETIREMENT PLAN

Because my elderly shell was all cracked,

From my job as a turtle I was sacked,

I tried for a pension,

But, got nothing but tension,

A plan to get old I had lacked.

 

Friday, March 29, 2013

THE EASTER PIG

My little pet pig ran off to be free,
But, hunters got him as he hid in a tree,
Not knowing his name was Sam,
The hunters saw him as another ham,
He was served on Easter Sunday at three.

 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A DEAD PIG THAT SMOKED A CIG

I went on an archaeological dig,

I thought I found a Mummy but just found a pig,

He was wrapped up in fine linen,

And the pig was a grinin'

While smoking a hand rolled big cig.
 

Monday, March 25, 2013

AEROBICS WITH EMILY


Emily signed up to take an aerobics class,

But, the time there seemed it would never pass,

So, for an after-class treat,

Emily went out to eat,

And added a bit more to her mass.