TIMMY DOES NOT WORK HERE, ANYMORE

Timmy was an odd, little man, who drove a great big, city bus,

If you did not do what Timmy said, he would spit on you and cuss,

Timmy was a disgusting, nasty man,

Quick tempered, and Timmy loved to bus ban,

No one ever liked Timmy, when he got fired, there was no fuss.

PARENTS, TEACHER AND THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

Teacher told me I was a lunatic, and sent me straight home from the middle school,

She called my parents and said I was a lunatic, with the tendencies of a fool,

My laidback parents, truly did not care,

They chewed tobacco, then spit in the air,

In the kitchen, I made a quick sandwich sup, and the girl next door, swam her pool.

ROBOT SKINCARE FOR THE SENSITIVE AI

I'm an AI robot, and my skin film pores, got very sore,

They were plugged up with dust from my work mining, iron metal, ore,

The skin creams, were just no good,

The laser, it worked like it should,

The dust melted into a liquid, and dripped down to the floor.

OUR AFTER CHRISTMAS SLEIGH RIDE

I got a kite for Christmas, and I flew it behind a two horse sleigh,

Every time the kite got really high, the bright sun would say, "good day",

Pop drove the sleigh into the big city,

So mom could buy makeup, to look pretty,

I waved at many real cute girls, but they would always look away.

BAD NEIGHBORS

I was so mad; I put on my winter boots to walk into a war,

The evil, next door neighbors, blew out their driveway, and filled mine in more,

The neighbors ran away,

In their house, they would stay,

I blew out my driveway, and into their driveway, I let the snow pour.

MAGIC SANTA GREENS SPOILED CHRISTMAS

Santa  gave everyone a can of spinach, for their present, Christmas Day,

Then Magic Santa, rode off triumphantly, in his vintage, canned goods sleigh,

Staying warm and alive is my goal,

So, I'd rather have a chunk of coal,

I hoped the can was magic; it was spoiled, so I tossed it far away.

I INVENTED WARP DRIVE

I invented starship warp drive, and I went on a trip,

It did not take me very long, in my warp driving ship,

I went to a planet called Mars,

But, there were just too many cars,

I tried to find parking, but got a Martian finger flip.

WHEN PIGS FLY FOR SANTA

Santa's reign deer got sick this year, so now Santa is using flying pigs,

The pigs are always hungry, but they want to eat only dried, fancy figs,

Santa tried to feed the pigs, dried plums,

The plums destabilized the pig tums,

It is just so hard to get descent help, to pull those magic, sleigh bell rigs.

IT'S EARLY CHRISTMAS MORNING AND SANTA IS ON HIS WAY

It is very early on Christmas morning; Santa's red sleigh is flying,

In order to get Christmas presents this year, I did a lot of lying,

My letter to Santa, told him I did good,

And, shoveled snow for old people, in my hood,

I didn't tell Santa I torment my kid bro, until he starts eye crying.

CHEESY ASPARAGUS AND A PLATE LICKER

I bought some asparagus for my Christmas dinner, and I covered it with cheese,

I dripped over the asparagus dish,  some bacon grease for a rich, flavor tease,

While the dish was hot, I started to eat,

It was the utmost, delicious treat,

When done, my dog gave a real hate stare at me; I let him lick my plate, to appease.

I WENT TO JAIL FOR MY SELF EXPRESSION

I went to the pub; bellied up to the bar six or seven times,

When there was absolutely no one looking, I would scratch some rhymes,

As my Limericks got sillier,

The bartender got bullier,

And, he had me arrested for destruction of property, crimes.

THE HOLIDAY DINGERS AND SINGERS 2025

I went to hear a choir that had voices of bling,

The choir was ringing bells that sung, " ring, dingy, ding"

Each choir member had a bell,

And they each rang them really well,

They rang them so well, I couldn't tell the ding from the sing.

GOT HOOKED BY LOOKSMAXXING

I punched myself in my pretty face all day, to really change my facial looks,

I taught myself exactly how to do this, by reading many internet books,

It has caused me some harm,

I badly broke each arm,

I kept missing my face and hitting a wall; I lost both hands, but gained two hooks.

OCCAM'S RAZOR TURNED MY BRAIN INTO POOP

I was shaving when Occam's razor cut my face,

I'm suing his company in a big court case,

The razor cut really deep,

I got the blood poison, creep,

The poison destroyed my brain; my one thinking place.

A TRINA AND FAMILY CHRISTMAS

Trina had a little Christmas in her little Christmas home,

She shared it with her family:  her cat and a garden gnome,

They thought themselves to be winners,

Eating frozen chicken dinners,

They opened their gifts, and recited this silly, Christmas poem..

THE WIFE, THE GAMER AND NEIGHBOR NED

My wife has been down to neighbor Ned's house, all night and day,

Ned is stud handsome and divorced, and real lonely, some say,

I'm beginning to wonder,

If my marriage is asunder,

I'll think on it more, after my intense Xbox game play.

TRINA BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TREE

Trina bought a Christmas tree, she bought it at the mall, 

The tree was not very big, standing only three feet tall,

Trina set the tree on a table,

Next to her statue of Clark Gable,

Trina put decorations on her tree, each one was a silver ball.

VERN GOT THE CHURN

It was a Merry Christmas for Uncle Vern,

Someone gave Uncle Vern his first butter churn,

Vern churned a batch of butter,

That made hungry guts flutter,

Then, lots of money, Vern's churned butter would earn.

MY AFFORDABILITY CRISIS

Everything I go to buy, is completely unaffordable,

I'm told I should save my paychecks, but my incomes are unhordable, 

Some say, money is like pee,

It shoots out to join the sea,

Debt collectors have found me, for all my info is recordable.  

THE PURLOINED GOOSE

Christmas was coming, and our old, grey goose got real big and fat,14

Then our neighbors stole our big goose, then ate it, and that was that,14

We still had baked beans,

A salad with greens,

And, a big box of frozen fried chicken that smelled like wet cat.

STAY IN SCHOOL, OR BE A GHOUL

My big sister Trina, became a creepy, sinister ghoul,

That was her default job, because she wouldn't attend her school,

Kids, go to school, work hard and behave,

Or, you'll be digging up someone's grave,

And, no matter what my sister says, grave robbing is not cool.

TRINA TOOK THE CHRISTMAS TRAIN

Trina boarded the Christmas train to the big town of Kalamazoo,

Once there, Trina went Christmas thrifting, buying cheap trinkets that were blue,

Bought a cheap trinket for ma,

Bought a cheap trinket for pa,

Trina had some pennies left, so grandma got a cheap, blue trinket, too.

A MIDWEST MIDDLE-CLASS CHRISTMAS IN 2025

I could only buy one doll for Christmas, because that's all I can afford,

This year, my seven daughters will have to share it, and no one gets to hoard,

My daughters are all getting thinner,

Each is an economic winner,

After the kids open their present, we will feast on beans stuffed in a gourd.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

BELLY, FOOD AND EYEBALLS

I cannot buy a pizza pie,

Because the price was raised too high,

The price of pop?

Too high, full stop,

My belly hurts; my eyeballs cry..