BUSY BEAVERS STOP FISH MIGRATION (NOT)

Two busy beavers built a really big dam,

Right on the river where all migrant fish swam,

The dam fit real tight,

But, couldn't withstand dynamite,

Local rangers blew the dam up: Bam! Bam! Bam!!!

FOOD FOR THE WORMS

Most people believe it's wrong to be sad,

That we each have a purpose and for that, to be glad,

Each positive Pete with his bloated ego,

Thinks their purpose in life is all happy, no woe,

They believe they'll do good, curing famine, disease,

They'll do good works, and the masses they'll please,

But observing the facts the way that we should,

We evolved for a purpose, neither bad nor real good,

Most of our lives we sleep and we eat,

Turning our bodies into big bags of meat

Alas, we must come to the terrible terms, 

The reason we exist is to be food for the worms.

WORM MOON

There was the big old Worm Moon hanging in the sky,

From above my head to the horizon, the little stars would fly,

There the Worm Moon stood as the winter waned,

All dark dimpled, its surface stained,

Till from the edge of the earth the daylights pry.

A LEPRECHAUN RODE HIS GOOSE TO TOWN

A leprechaun rode his goose to town,

His goose to town,

His goose to town,

A Leprechaun rode his goose to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his bunny to town,

His bunny to town,

His bunny to town,

A leprechaun rode his bunny to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his turkey to town, 

His turkey to town,

His turkey to town,

A leprechaun rode his turkey to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his hamster to town,

His hamster to town,

His hamster to town,

A leprechaun rode his hamster to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his lamb to town,

His lamb to town,

His lamb to town,

A leprechaun rode his lamb to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his tuna to town,

His tuna to town,

His tuna to town,

A leprechaun rode his tuna to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his chicken to town,

His chicken to town,

His chicken to town,

A leprechaun rode his chicken to town,

To the leprechaun party,

 

A leprechaun rode his goat to town,

His goat to town,

His goat to town,

A leprechaun rode his goat to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his turtle to town,

His turtle to town,

His turtle to town,

A leprechaun rode his turtle to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his chipmunk to town,

His chipmunk to town,

His chipmunk to town,

A leprechaun rode his chipmunk to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his gopher to town,

His gopher to town,

His gopher to town,

A leprechaun rode his gopher to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his parrot to town,

His parrot to town,

His parrot to town,

A leprechaun rode his parrot to town,

To the leprechaun party,

A leprechaun rode his black bear to town,

His black bear to town,

His black bear to town,

A leprechaun rode hs black bear to town,

And, the bear ate everyone at the party.

I'VE GONE FERAL

I've gone feral, living in these woods, 

I really fit in with the feral brotherhoods,

I walk on all fours,

My paws won't open doors,

I eat only fresh meat, not dry goods.

A POEM FOR ALL SEASONS

When I blow snow,

Away it will go,

I might be paid doe,

To buy a me a hoe,

For the garden, you know,

To keep the weeds low,

To make pickles grow,

So my plants don't feel woe,

Next, tie my shoes with a bow,

And the lawn I must mow,

Then I'll jump in my dingy and row, row, row, row.

DEEP IN THE FOREST I SAT

Deep in the forest was where I sat,

I had been ate by a bear and that was that,

I was now just a big pile of wet bear scat,

The bear had piled me tall because I was real fat,

Soon to be absorbed by the thick forest mat.

REAL ESTATE DELIVERED VIA USPS

I bought sight unseen an acre of land,

When I asked where it was I was told it had been canned,

My rented room filled with canned dirt the next day,

It cost me a fortune to haul it away,

Then, I bought beach property and got boxes of sand.