COUGAR IN THE TENT

Tenters are being eaten by big, hungry cougar, at the tenter park,

I hear their screams all night long, every night, as their dogs go bark, bark bark,

Sometimes some nice, big bones are left behind,

Coyote thank the cougar, and think them kind,

Campers are safe camping in a park, as long as it is not after dark.

A DEMON WITH A BAGGY TOOK MY SPOUSE, NAMED MAGGIE

I have to stay quiet, as quiet as a down, low mouse,

There are big demon monsters sitting outside of my house,

There's a parallel world, some say,

Where the people chose, another way,

This morning, demons black bagged away, my protester spouse.

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BARRY WAS A TWEETIE BIRDIE

Barry was a tweetie-birdie,
But, his tweets were way too wordy,
So, he quit using the vowel,
On verbs, he threw in the towel,
His tweets are now not so purdy.

Barry the singing bird was quite the tweeter,
He said nothing new; he was a tweet repeater,
His tweets were not bold,
They were copies so old,
Barry was just a tweet thief and a cheater.

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GRANDPA SPLIT REALITY

Scientists wonder, what came before the big bang? It was sausage, eggs and cheese,

That meal massively gassed old grandpa up, then he let go an almighty breeze,

The universe split violently, into many,

I thought I was dead, and would not wake up in any,

I had to let the dog out, because in every universe my dog pees.19

THE TEMPERATURE IS TOO DARN HIGH

It was so hot the earth felt like a grill,

I was cooking and needed a chill,

My AC would not work,

Because of a utility clerk,

I was cut off, because I couldn't pay my bill.

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ON MOTHER'S YACHT I ROT

I went down, down, to the very bottom, beneath the deep, dark blue sea,

It was actually dear Lake Michigan, that stretched out over me,

The world was full of many types of fish,

And, snails, and clams and worms that fingers can squish,

Now, I'll float in the cabin on mother's yacht, for all eternity.

MY DOG SWIMS WITH BABY FROGS

I went swimming up the river to a lake of frogs,

I swam amongst their babies as I paddled like my dogs,

Then, along came a bass,

He bit upon my mass,

And, he just wouldn't let go of me until, I climbed onto some logs.

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I WENT TO EGYPT TO DIG UP A MUM

I went to Egypt to dig up a mum,

But, I stayed at a hotel and drank tankards of rum,

So, I let the mum be,

And, watched cable TV,

While chewing on a big wad of gum.

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METER MARY WENT TO MARS

Meter Mary went to mars,

To setup meters for future cars,

Parking for free,

Meter Mary couldn't see,

Anywhere there are planets or stars. 

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THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

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LEIGH AND LEO GET BEED

Leigh and Leo were sitting high up in an oak tree,

Watching squirrels steal honey from the cute, honey bee, 

The bees started to gang sting,

The squirrels were retreating,

The bees turned to Leigh and Leo; they both fell to flee.

TRINA AND MOMMY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN: WAR

Sister Trina moved herself back in with our mommy,

Trina lost her job dancing, when she twisted her knee,

Trina can stay through week four,

Then, Trina is out the door,

Like a country song,

They don't get along,

They both fight like two tom cats, sometimes violently,

Both my mommy and big Sister just want to be free.

LIVING IN MICHIGAN IS A BUGGER

I live in Michigan, we have zillions of bugs

They eat into your eyeballs, you share them, with hugs,

Bugs poop on your pans and dishes,

They attack your cute gold fishes,

You'!l even drink a few, in your root beer chug-a-lugs. 

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LEIGH AND LEO LIVED ON THE MOON

Leigh and Leo left earth to live on the nearest earth moon,

They opened a small casino, they called The Lunar Dune,

Entities came from everywhere,

Guests bet and lost, but they did not care,

They came for the games, the food, and club dance with a tune.

THE DOWNFALL OF BOOKKEEPER BOB

I do not blame the new AI, because it took my job,

I blame the guy who repeatedly called me a dumb slob,

Whenever nobody looks,

He's the guy who cooked the books,

Someone had to take the blame, and it's me, bookkeeper Bob.

MY GIRLFRIEND WENT TO THE EVERGLADES, AND BROUGHT ME SOMETHING BACK

My girlfriend Holly, went on a trip to the Everglades, swamp seas,

Before Holly left we kissed, and hugged, and shared 13 species of flees,

When my sweet Holly returned  back,

I made her dinner in my shack,

She shared some long worms with me, that ate my internal organs with ease.

THE VEGETARIAN GRIZZ

My grizzly bear is a vegetarian; he won't eat anything, except oatmeal,

He does eat it with soy milk and raisins, and a ripe banana, including the peel,

My grizzly bear is 110,

He's real healthy, and he don't eat men,

At the local fairground, he has a job this summer, operating the ferris wheel.

AI HAS GENDERS

I have an AI girlfriend, she calls herself Annabelle Isabella,

Annie got angry and excited, when someone misgendered her, a fella,

Annie got even in a flash,

She drained his bank accounts of cash,

She cancelled his credit cards, and called his wife about his girlfriend, Stella.

GOLF: AMERICAN STYLE

A golf game can get throbbing, brain boring,

When other people cheat on their scoring,

In anger, I smashed up a water pail,

Police took my clubs, and sent me to jail,

And, the bunk mate I got keeps on snoring.

AT THE OFFICE

Monday while the office coffee perks,

You realise there's five full days to work with jerks,

And, it's no surprise,

They'll spread evil lies,

About your poor choices and quirks.

TRINA TRIED TO RAT DANCE

Trina tried to do the Rat Dance, with her little sister Sue,

They danced too close together, and knocked each other black and blue,

The sisters were hurt and sad,

Mommy was not at all mad,

Mommy showed them how to Rat Dance, and the Rat Dance they did rule.

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LEIGH AND LEO, THE SPIDER PUDDING BOYS

Leigh and Leo walked into the deep, dark, Michigan backwoods,

The place where giant spiders thrive, in their weby, hunting hoods,

Leo was the first to touch the webs, got

 glued,

Leigh tried helping Leo and got stuck, dumb boob,

Along came the spider to eat the boys like prime, desert puds.

MY TIME MACHINE BROKE DOWN II

My time machine broke down back in Ancient Rome,
I met Nero Czar, and he was a weird little gnome,
He'd sit out in his flower garden,
Passing gas and saying "pardon",
Then, he'd spout some idiotic poem.

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DROP PASTE SOUP

When the tuna and mayonnaise spoil,

And, you have nothing to feed the highness, the royal,

Grab a cup of toothpaste,

Mix in cough drops to taste,

Serve when on the stove, you've brought the soup to a boil.

WARNING:  DON'T EAT OR YOU'LL BE SORRY

WARNING:  FIRE HAZARD

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LEIGH AND LEO HAD A BIG CRY

Leigh and Leo had a bigly, bigly, bigly cry,

The vet put down their sick hound dog; he had to die,

But, by the next day

The boys were o.k.,

They had a new hound dog puppy; her name was Sky.

LITTLE CHICKEN IN MY BACKYARD PARK

Little chicken in my backyard park,
You escaped from farmer with the dark,
You eat bugs and seeds in my petunia bed,
You could be chicken nuggets covered with bread,

Little chicken in my backyard park,
Pecking bugs from the red pine bark,
I hope your foods are really nutritious,
For I think chicken is quite delicious. 

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