TIME LOOP FROM HELL

I got caught in a really nasty, bending time loop,

I was stuck in the past when pop was hula hoop,

While, the stuff on TV, 

Made me just want to flee,

And, the food was just crackers and soup.

THERE ONCE WAS A BOATER NAMED FRANK

There once was a boater named Frank,
He kept running up on the bank,
He once missed the dock,
Slammed into a rock,
Of course then, his boat quickly sank.

A boater named Frank went out on the bay,
It thundered and lightning all of the day,
His boat motor got popped,
Into the water it dropped,
Then, Frank paddled home all of the way.

MY TWEETS BROUGHT MY POLL NUMBERS DOWN

I ran for public office and got run out of town,

I thought I was serious, they called me a clown,

I tweeted, "no money for roads,"

And, "let the people eat toads,"

So, my tweets brought my poll numbers down. 

USING HAIKU TO DEFINE YOUTH AND ADULTHOOD AS A BIOLOGICAL AND SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

Young, old, difference,

Young, flagellation, funny

Old, farts, annoying.

THEY SUCK BLOOD BETWEEN OUR TOES

I thought I'd give my friend some teaches,

As we walked along the beaches,

We found fossil stones,

Some carp fish bones,

Alas, between our toes sucked, leaches.

MY SQUIRRELS FAVORITE PIE

My piney, smelly cones,

They're the seed dispensers bones,

I pile them high,

And make the squirrels a pie,

Then, they eat the pie on down to the stones.

INSURANCE QUOTES FOR SQUEAKY DUCK FLOATS

In the canal there was nothing but boats,

All of them yellow like squeaky duck floats,

But, on the day of the storm,

The boats had a submarine norm,

And, were the subjects of insurance quotes.

ODE TO THE FLAVOR CALLED CHEDDAR CHEESE

Ode to the flavor called cheddar cheese,
For it is the flavor that aims to please,
Whether it's on top of french fries,
Or, hot apple pies,
Cheddar helps to spread severe heart disease.  

MY PUPPY QUINTON

I went to a party to celebrate Pride,

My puppy Quinton insisted, he stay by my side,

He perceives relationship dangers,

When I mingle with strangers,

And, he yanks on his leash to pull me from their side.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

We went on a picnic to celebrate Pride,

You had diety foods and I had mine deep fat fried,

And, that diet special latte you drink,

Smells like the drain in our sink,

After that mouse crawled in it and died.

MY INGROWN TOE-NAIL

My ingrown toe-nail I can't lie,
Made my bug eyes cry and cry,
It was such pain,
I became insane,
I sliced off my toe nail with a wood plane.