COB-CORN AND THE HAPPY DUDE

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed,

People left gum all over, and in places, so rude,

But, it gave Lee a paying job,

Then he could buy corn on the cob,

When Lee ate buttered cob-corn, he was one happy dude.

THE PAISLEY SUIT

To work, I wore my brand new paisley suit,

That very day, my boss gave me the boot,

He said never come back,

It was a permanent sack,

"Get your ugly suit out of here, now, scoot."

MY PRIORITIES ARE BOWLING AND BEER

I sleep away my afternoons,

I sleep away my mornings,

I sick call everyday to work,

Despite my bosses' warnings,

If my financials weren't dire,

I would call my boss and retire,

I would put time into what feels so right,

That is league bowling, at the bar all night.

RED CLAY TEETH

Jimmy got locked into flossing, and flossed his front teeth every day,

Jimmy thought flossing was iconic, but he lost his teeth anyway,

When Jimmy got the bad teeth news,

He walked back home in his deck shoes,

Then Jimmy quit his bad news dentist, and made some new teeth from red clay.

PRETTY ANGEL IN THE SCARECROW

I dreamt I was a pretty angel, standing in a field of corn,

When I awoke, I was a scarecrow, and with rags I was adorn,

I saw corn bent over, none were straight,

A coming storm, foretold my fate,

A spinning cloud roared through the cornfield, making this scarecrow, unborn.  

BRAIN CHIPS AND PRODUCTIVITY

I was admonished for working too slow,

The boss wanted me to go, go, go, go,

It caused me agonizing pain,

When he planted chips in my brain,

To make the boss more doe, doe, doe, doe.

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WORK A LOT, SLEEP A LOT

I washed my dishes, my laundry, my car, ta-da,

I polished the silver and wiped off the bar, rah-rah,

But, work is a trap,

Leads to an afternoon nap,

I awoke to see the big Northern Star, wah-wah.

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SOMEONE STINKS

At work Steve always wore a mask,

Even to do a simple task,

His workmate, Punk,

Smelled worse than skunk,

In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

I GOT A JOB IN DAIRY OUT ON PLANET X

I was abducted by an alien that landed a ship from outer space,

I knew he/she was an alien because her/his eyes glowed on his/ her face,

She/he took me to a store/farm,

She/he offered me no harm,

But he/she said I'd be milking cows and stocking the dairy case.

BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES THRIFTY STORES 2

My employer, Squeaky Squires, owns a chain of grocery stores,

He sells expired groceries, and unto him the wealth, it pours,

I got titled head cashier,

 I'm the only one that's here,

My shift lasts from the opening, until the lockup of the doors.

THE BALLAD OF GRANGER

Granger was a kid, who was very poor,

He'd sit on the walkway in front of my store,

People tossed him dimes,

A quarter at times,

He's now worth a million, some say more.

I'M WORKING CHRISTMAS DAY

So my boss can island trip far away,

I have go to work on this Christmas Day,

I have to be like a cop,

And guard the pawn shop,

So no one breaks in, takes stuff, and not pay.

I SHOT A RUBBER BAND, NOW I LIVE UNDER A BRIDGE

I shot off a rubber band,

Where did the rubber band land?

It struck my boss in his eye,

That made my boss cry,

Before the end of the day, I got canned.

HOME 4 SALE

I bought an  expensive piece of lake frontage land,

A million dollar mortgage, I signed with my hand,

I live barely week to week,

Higher wages, I had to seek,

Just now at work, they told me, I'm screwed and I'm canned,

THE LIFE OF RED PAINTER

I sleep best at night if I have some beer, and am very well fed,

Then I watch tv shows full of zombies, known as the undead,

I say night, night to the dog,

Then we each snore, like a hog,

I work next day as a barn painter, and paint mostly with red.

SANTA DOES NOT LIKE TO SHARE WITH ELVES

While old Santa eats roast venison, we elves are eating snow,

Santa licks on candy canes; a taste we elves will never know,

Santa is all grins and smiles,

Santa has smart PR wiles,

Old Santa is very greedy, and he causes elves great woe.

JERKS

Wherever I travel, there are only mean jerks,

From my family at home, to the all store clerks,

I would just stay in bed,

But, I need to get fed,

I guess being real cruel are common human quirks.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T USE TOILET PAPER, GET THEIR OWN OFFICE

Jumbo couldn't find the toilet paper, so he went back to bed,

He figured if a day starts nasty, the day was full of dread,

At noon, Jumbo got a call,

From his workmate, named Paul,

It seems, Jumbo the great slacker, was made the department head.

AT WORK I TAPER OFF

Everyday I go to my terrible job,
Where the boss treats me like I'm a dumb slob,
And although you might scoff,
At work I taper off,
With each day a few hours I rob.