A WALK BEFORE SUP

I went for a walk with my dog, Sally,

She took a leak and filled up the valley,

Women and children all cried,

The crocodiles died,

We suped at a brew pub, called Galley.

MY DOG SALLY, DIGS

I went to the park to walk my dog, Sally,

She was excited, and dug a park valley,

I got beat and arrested,

My sanity tested,

Now I live with my dog in an ally.

ODE TO THE QUIET PETS

I wanted very quiet pets upon which I could opine,

So I bought a bowl and those shrimp that are supposed to live in brine, 

Now on the register I set the bowl,

And, had a unanimous shrimp death toll,

Of course I wouldn't have let them boil away if the shrimp could only whine. 

 

THE CHOCOLATE FROSTING ON GRAHAM CRACKERS LIMERICK

I bought some graham crackers to take on a retreat,
I covered them with chocolate frosting; the crackers were ready to eat,
Now, someone brought along their big dog,
He seemed behaved on the long jog,
But, he ate all the crackers while lounging in the back seat.

DAVEY COLLECTED SILVER COINS

Davey collected silver coins minted in the United States,
He had every type of coin and all the coin type dates,
Davey was cleaver and bold,
When the prices were high Davey sold,
Now Davey doesn’t have to work he just skates.

VOTE OFTEN BUT, DON'T TELL

This morning I voted 10 times,

I was informed, 9 of those 10 times were crimes,

I promised, I learned my lesson,

So, I'll stop confessin',

In my stories and limericks and rhymes.

MY END OF JUNE FISHING TRIP

It's the last day of June and fishing I've gone,

I'm catching nothing but weeds from the lake bottoms thick lawn,

It seems no matter what I may do,

I catch weeds brown, green and, blue,

I think my fish stories from today will just be a big yawn.

LOOKS VS BOOKS: THE TRUTH

Gorban was really proud of his great looks,

Which is why he didn't attend to his school books,

But he made lots of money,

And kept happy his honey,

While scholars worked as short order cooks.

THE GREEN SNAKES AND THE TADPOLE

In a small, shallow pond there lived a tadpole named Mike. Now Mike had several hundred brothers and sisters however, Mike’s brothers and sisters had all become frogs and had hopped away into the forest to find their own ponds where they could swim. This left Mike all alone in what seemed to be a much bigger pond than it had been when his brothers and sisters were still there.

One day, two green snakes came slithering into the pond. Mike was at first happy to see that he had some company but, the snakes began chasing after Mike and tried to eat him. Mike was very good at diving so he dove under the water and hid under some lily pads. After a while the snakes left but, the next day the two snakes were back and were again chasing poor Mike all around the pond. Mike screamed “Oh great green snakes please don’t eat me I haven’t even had a chance to grow up and become a frog yet.” But, Mike’s pleas were to no avail and the snakes kept chasing after him. Mike again hid under some lily pads until the snakes left the pond. This went on for about a week then; the green grass snakes went away for the rest of the summer to stay with an aunt and uncle who lived under a nice big rock at the edge of a beautiful lake.

When the summer came to an end the two green snakes returned home. They decided to go down to the little lily pond to see if they could make a snack of that tadpole they had left behind several weeks earlier. The two snakes slithered down to the pond and into the water. They looked all over for the tadpole. They even discovered his secret hiding spot under the lily pads. Finally, as the two green snakes were getting ready to give up looking for the tadpole, they noticed two really strange looking little islands in the middle of the pond. The snakes were curious about the islands because they had never seen them there before so, they swan over to investigate the islands. But, just as the snakes were almost on top of the islands a huge bullfrog surfaced. It seems the islands were actually the bull frog’s eyes and he had been waiting for the snakes to swim over to him.

“Remember me my fine green fellows,” the bull frog said to the snakes. “A few weeks ago I was just a little tadpole swimming around in this lily pond when you guys showed up and tried to eat me. You even came back several times looking for me and you terrified me like you would not believe. You knew then you could get away with terrifying me because at the time I was just a little unimportant tadpole. As you can see now, since you’ve been gone I’ve grown up quite a bit and everyone looks up to me because I have become so big and powerful. And, do you know what food I now like best?” The two snakes just lay in the water too shocked and afraid to move in front of the large bull frog.

The bull frog had a large grin on his face as he said, “My favorite food are green snakes”. With that the bull frog licked his lips and then proceeded to slurp each green snake down whole like a long piece of spaghetti. The bull frog was quite happy that he had devoured those awful snakes who had tormented him so much when he was just a little tad pole.

FASCIST TOOK MY NUTTY FRUITCAKE, AND MY DOUGHNUTS TOO

Well, I rowed my little dingy across the big lake,

Over there fascists steal all the bake goods I bake,

It's so very good to be free,

From fascist aristocracy,

Now I'll feast on my doughnuts and nutty fruitcake.

BENNY BET ON C AND BENNY LOST TO ME

Benny use to like to bet,,

He could hit high C on his cornet,

He'd bet he'd vibrate with B,

Then squeal out a D,

Benny owes me much money, yet.

Like A Trumpet Out Of Tune, Summer Starts In The Month Of June

Summer starts in the month of June,

Not aligned with the full moon,

Somehow that seems quite out of tune,

Like when Jen plays trumpet, after lunch at noon,

It's just hard to breath, after filling your belly so soon.

TEA AND SEA HORSEY

Living 22 meters below the sea,

There was a cute, little sea horsey,

It was a sea horse park,

Except for the shark,

Who ate the sea horsey as a snack, at tea.

DANNY THE BIG SHOT, GOT BEACHED OUT

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire,

He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there,

So he bought a big boat,

To join the yacht float,

But he was rejected, he was not a billionaire.

MY SPOUSE AND I GOT SEPARATED, BUT I'M STILL BEING BULLIED, LIMERICK

I heard a echo in my house,

It was the voice of Jingles, my late spouse,

Jingles said to me,

" You'll never be free,"

And "flush the toilet sometime, you louse".