BEWARE THE FERAL DOG

There are feral dogs out in the dark,

I know they're there because I hear them bark,

When they bite it's an ouch,

A month to recover on the couch,

If your throat they nip, then it's cemetery park.

THE FLYING FISH IN THE EYE LIMERICK

A flying fish stabbed me deep in my eye,
Of course it made me wail and then cry,
The many tears were ill spent,
For fish loved saltwater scent,
So, into my face many fishes did fly.

MY SHOTGUN EXPLODED IN MY FACE

My shotgun exploded in my face,
Even though, I had duct tape in place,
And, just like last year,
The explosion scared off the deer,
Maybe, a new shotgun will draw me an ace.

MY POKY-STICK AND THE BEARS

For fun I'd go looking for bears,

I'd poke them with a stick for some dares,

But, one bear had a trick,

He broke my poky-stick,

Then he ate me and coughed up my hairs.

GORDO THE GOLDFISH LIMERICK AND POEM

Poem
Gordo the goldfish grew a full set of teeth,
He then ate his companions Julie and Keith,
He sharpened his teeth on a fake coral reef,
While eyeing the table where sat a roast beef.

 Limerick

Gordo the goldfish won't eat fish food, dried flies,
The roast beef on the table is where his heart lies,
But, he can't jump out of his bowl,
For someone covered the hole,
So, he stares out at the roast beef and cries.

 

GETTING EDUCATED TO KEEP MY JOB

My boss told me I was a complete fool,

My boss sent me back to junior high school,

All I said was, "duh",

In a class called algebra,

And, I was made fun of, because I tend to drool.

THERE ONCE WAS A SAILOR NAMED GREG

There once was a sailor named Greg,
He sat down really hard on his leg,
His eyes filled with tears,
As his mateys yelled jeers,
For Greg's leg was a hickory peg.
   

THE GREAT SHELLED LIZARD IN SKEDGEMOG LAKE

The great shelled lizard in Skedgemog lake,

He's a snapping turtle they say,

The souls of swimmers and boaters he'll take,

While, on the bottom he lay,

You cannot out swim him,

Or, harm him with the longest knife,

For once that turtle sees you,

He will snap away your life,

So, rowing out beneath the moon,

Feeling safe in your little row boat,

You spot a monster swimming near,

And, a lump grows in your throat,

The monster veers towards you with open jaws,

Then, cuts in half your boat,

The monster cuts your belly with his claws,

Then, you struggle to stay afloat,

The monster comes towards you from below,

You can't see him but, you know he's there,

How to escape you do not know,

So, well thee will not fare,

Then, the brutal pain,

As he chomps upon your bones,

And, all that's on your brain,

Are your terrors, your screams, your moans,

Old Skeggy they call the creature,

The monster in Skedgemog Lake,

He is the lake's most famous feature,

Then, it's the rattlesnake yearly bake.