JOY RIDDING A REINDEER TO TEXAS

I rode on a magic reindeer in the velvet sky,

I stole the deer from Santa, at the North Pole Fish Fry,

I rode the reindeer all night,

Until I saw the bright light,

Then we touched down in Texas, where the rattlesnakes lie.

THE HORRIBLE NAIL MAN

Because of my horrible neighbor, Pat,

My four car tires went completely flat,

He took a long, steely nail,

Gave each tire an impale,

Now I can't get my groceries, oh drat.

THE ZOMBIE RECKONING

Now that we zombies have won the last of all wars,

We are eating the living to settle old scores,

The living killed zombies, like dad,

That made me incredibly sad,

But, crackers, brains and marshmallows, make yummy s'mores.  

DEMON FOOD, THANKS FRED

A witch put a horrible curse upon my goldfish, Fred,

Turned Fred into a gator, and Fred tried to eat me dead,

Although I tried to beg,

Fred chewed off my left leg,

Fred let me bleed, until the Devil's demons, my soul fed.

THE GOOD DOGGIE GOT THE BAD MAN

There was a man named Johnson, his favorite number was 666.

Johnson was so very mean, he hugged his love with 2 sharp ice picks,

One day Johnson sounded a 3 alarm,

When a dog named Patches, bit Johnson's arm,

Johnson tried to torment and tease the dog, when they played fetch the sticks.

FRIDAY THE 13TH, BROWNIES AND "DIE DAY"

It is the evil number 13, on a Friday,

In the scary movies, it is known as the "die day",

You all better beware,

Get too much of a scare,

The back of undies, will have a big brownie pie day.

THERE WAS A NASTY MAN

There was a nasty man, he was so really mean,

He'd spit tobacco chaw on his only friend, Dean,

But, Dean developed a master plan,

He took nasty man to dentist, Dan,

Nasty man got nice, once his dentures felt real clean.

I WITCHY CURSED WITH MY SPELLS

I was learning to cast black witchy spells,

Along came these anti-speller do wells,

They tethered me to a tree,

To burn the witch out of me,

Through the flames, an awesome curse, I done yells.

MOMMY DIDN'T LIKE THE GOAL OF THE TROLL

My sister was dating a troll,

Making more trolls, was his only goal,

Mommy chased him away,

With her special stare-ray,

That cut into his dark, ugly soul.

VAMPIRE TAKES ADVANTAGE, NOT

Jim's driveway was all washed away,

So Jim's trailer is where he had to stay,

A vampire was on the loose

He bled out Jim's goose,

Jim told him he could suck out his blood, if he'd pay.

THE THREE SIBLINGS: PUNISHMENT

The three siblings were bad, that is without any doubt,

Bader than head lice, food poisoning, rabies and gout,

They were not chicken,

They welcomed a lickin'

Then they'd threaten, stomp their feet, puff their lips out, and pout.

IN MY STARS BENEATH THE SNOW

The creatures plot against me; those that live beneath the snow,

They are watching my every move; when I come and go,

The snakes, the rats, the bugs, the mice,

 Fured chipmunks, home to mange and lice,

They all plot my future, and arrange my stars of woe.

MY WAR WITH LEPRECHAUN (WAR OF THE DAISIES).

A leprechaun ate my garden of daisies,

When I saw my garden, I got the crazies,

So I grabs me a stick,

For that leprechaun, sick,

But, he tazered me first with some tazies.  

ITCHY RICHEY AND MY KITTY

I  had this fish, his name was Richie,

He complained that he was itchy,

The cat offered a claw,

Gave Ritchie a naw,

Now my Ritchie is really twitchy. 

THE HALLOWEEN DESERT LIMERICK

When my Halloween pumpkin started to smoke,

I put out the fire with my Coke,

With a fork, gave Pumpky a little poke,

Hoped no curse, he will invoke,

Now he's a pie, and that's no joke.

OCTOBER FULL MOON

The October full moon gives Sam a shaking scare,

Sam fears a monster or zombie, instead of just a mean bear,

Sam can't go to sleep,

When Sam's heart races, beep beep,

And, urine-sweat has wet down Sam's long hair.

THERE WAS AN OLD BANKER NAMED GENE

There was an old banker named Gene,
Everyone knew he was mean,
He would charge huge fees,
Put you down on your knees,
His interest rates were obscene.


There was an old banker named Gene,
Foreclosures made him real green,
He did what he could,
Not what he should,
He's so rich that now its obscene.