WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH

When times get rough I eat pinecones,

I check the highway for bleached white bones,

Then I make my cobwebs stew

Though the ingredients are few,

The stew I serve with my acorn flour scones.

I CALENDER COUNT ONLY NICE DAYS

I try to forget every cold, sunless day,

And, it's almost the first day of May,

But, this year I remember just one, 

Warm day with bright sun,

So, the first day of this year it will stay.

A BEAR AND A BIGFOOT WALKED INTO A PUB LIMERICK

A bear and a Bigfoot walked into a pub,
They each ordered a beer and a plate full of grub,
The bear finished his food fast,
The Bigfoot made his food last,
The bear was still hungry because he was a tub.

THE IN-GROWN TOE NAIL

Vic had a toe nail that grew into his toe,
He suffered with pain and all kinds of woe,
He took out a hammer,
Gave a toe a good bammer,
The pain was worse, but how could Vic know?

Vic had an in-grown toe nail,
It hurt and Vic gave a big wail,
His pain was so great,
He cancelled his date,
His girlfriend left; what a sad tale.

BUDDY GOES DITCH DIVING

Buddy got a bad, bad itch,

From wading in a runoff ditch,

I hate to much dwell,

On Buddy's chemical smell,

But it made his eyes go twitch, twitch, twitch.

DECEMBER FULL MOON

It's a happy afternoon,
Under December's big full moon,
We don't have much of day,
It's too cold to care anyway,
The day grows even shorter soon,
That makes saneness seem a loon,

There is plenty more to do,
Though the year is more than through,
The year is slipping all away,
No reliving any day,
For all those passing we will pray,
Though their memories fade away,

As the year comes to a close,
We count our triumphs and our woes,
Our beginning confidence,
All scarred by barbed and razor fence,
Defeat is what keeps us on our toes,
Next year we may enter and not leave,who knows.

I'M FROM PARTS UNKNOWN

The doctor said I was made of parts unknown,

He said I had cartilage where I should have had bone,

My blood was not red,

More a mauve color he said,

And, my heart was a big granite stone.

TEACH + BLEACH = DIRT NAP, NOT BEACH

Politicians I look to all forcefully teach,

You can solve most of your problems with a gallon of bleach,

So, that's what I tried,

Drank their cocktail and died,

Should have just hung out with crowds at the beach.

FLIP THE SHIP

My little, tiny, teeny ship,
Twelve feet of metal and the side had a rip,
I just left the dock,
A wave made my ship rock,
Then over, my ship made a flip. 

SOCIAL MEDIA, I'M NOT ALL THERE

I have been banned from all social media on earth,

All my comments are deleted, from my death back until my birth,

I guess I'll have a munch,

Mostly candy bars for lunch,

I can't gain social media followers, but I increase my girth.

MUSK

I had this friend named Musk,

He had a tooth that stuck out like a tusk,

He drank Ovaltine,

Until his ears turned bright green,

He loved corn🌽, but only the husk,

SKUM, THE RICHEST PERSON ALIVE

Leon Skum was the richest man alive,

He lived in a mansion; his workers lived in a dive,

Leon was very happy,

Making the lives of poor folks crappy,

He would make them so.miserable, that soon they weren't alive.

MY EYES GO BLINK

My chocolate diet drink,

I dumped it down the sink,

It tasted like pen ink,

It made my eyes go blink,

And my bulging eyeballs pink.

JUNGLE DOT LIVES ON MY LOT

Jungle Dot lives on my lot and hides in the backyard yews,

Jungle Dot thought the indoors was rot when she hit her terrible twos,

Now, Jungle Dot may have abandoned her room,

But, when the storms come, inside she will zoom,

Then, she's Dorothy the kid with window yew views.

MY LITTLE FISH FARM LIMERICK

My little fish farm sprang a big leak,
Then all my fish washed down to the creek,
Away went my mammon, 
Of fresh farm raised salmon,
Now my dinners will be very meek.

ICE FISH TO FIT MY PAN AND DISH

I only keep the little fish,

Because they fit my pan and dish,

I fish out on the ice,

Each week I go twice,

At least till the hard ice goes squish.

"I HAVE TRINKETS FOR SALE, BEEP BEEP"

I bought a box of trinkets, cheap,

I bought them from a a trinkets creep,

His voice was all nasal,

His breath smelled of witch hazel,

He ended every sentence with "beep, beep".

IT IS JANUARY ONE, ONE

Today is January One, One,

I am so glad last year is done, done,

I got Covid disease,

Got bit by sand fleas,

This year, Nuclear war sounds fun, fun.