MY PEASANTS TURNED NASTY: MY HEAD'S IN A BASKET

I use to have many peasants, and they'd do everything for me,

My favorite was Long John, until I caught him peeing in my tea

I had him drug off to the stockade,

He was well flogged; my point was well made,

Long John signed the warrant at my trial; that bad, revolutionary.

TRINA THE TAVERNEER

Trina went to bar school to learn, how to flip burgers, and sling the beers,

Trina learned how to talk to bar patrons, who drank beers to drown they're tears,

Trina's grade was on paper, a star of gold,

Five stars was just perfect, but Trina was sold,

Trina moved far North to sling malt beers, while flipping burgers made of deers.

LITTLE SISTER AND FAMILY

Mama loves mushy oatmeal, while daddy likes dry cereal from a box,

I like my ham and eggs and, night life sister drinks coffee for detox,

It's not easy being little me,

When I get older, I will get free,

I don't want  big sister's life; her face is all pimples, maybe it's a pox.

GLAMOR GARDENS

I chased off the big flies that were on my drying tomatoes,

I cut out the huge, rat bites from my bin of brand new potatoes,

I picked the snails from my rhubarb,

Sprayed the weevils on my Swiss chard,

Pulled and ate the worms off my beets; the tastes, many underate, those.

TIN SHACK LIVING, AND FISHING

I built a little, tin shack to live in, down by the river,

The dirt floor grows moss and mold, and the cold tin makes me shiver,

When the river freezes to ice,

I ice fish, using squeaky mice,

I shoot pike fish with my bow, using arrows from my quiver.

THE RAIN OF THE IGUANA

I saw a fat iguana fall out of a tall tree,

I thought I would eat it, because its meat was all free,

Then on down came another,

An iguana brother,

Then it rained dead iguana, killed by last nights frosty.

THE THREE LITTLE CUB BEARS

During the winter storm, three little bears got lost in the woods,

When they broke into my cabin, and ate all my pantry goods,

When I went to my cabin, next day,

The three little cub bears were at play,

Mamma bear moved in, so I left the bears in charge of my hoods.

THE FLORAL REINCARNATION STORY

I use to be a pretty pansy, and a cute daisy, too,

I use to be an iris, and my big, fat flower was blue,

Each year I'm a different seed,

Sometimes, I'm pulled up as a weed,

Once I grew into a primrose, and bathed in the morning dew.

MISSING PUP LEAVES CLUES

Methinks, I lost my little white poodle, pup,

My pup did not show up for his nightly sup,

He is here, good news,

Found pee in my shoes,

And, he took a small poop in my coffee cup.

I'M IN A WORLD OF DREAD AND WOE, BECAUSE I OWE A LOT OF DOE

I live in a house built of many credit cards,

I borrow on my Wal-Mart to pay my Menards,

Not sure where all this goes,

As my credit debt grows,

Maybe debtors prison, surrounded by ICE guards.

MY 21ST CENTURY INFLATION DATE

To impress a date, I asked the waiter for a list of imported wine,

When I saw the prices I realized I was in economic decline, 

My credit card was at a dead, max,

After paying the hidden sales tax,

I asked my dinner date if we could make it Dutch treat, she scowled, and said,"fine".