DIGGING IN THE DARK, UP IN NOSTRIL PARK

My next door neighbor's index finger, got stuck in much deeper, than it looks,

My neighbor got caught digging out deep, dark boogers, using fingers for hooks,

He got caught red handed, and feels shame,

With only his nasty self to blame,

I bet he's the person at the library, wiping boogers in the books.

MY SHOE GARDEN

I had a cabbage, growing in my tennis shoe,

That a cabbage could grow there, I just never knew,

It started crowding my toes,

I picked it, and had it froze,

In the deep freezer, I'll save the cabbage for stew.

THE MANLY STINK AND DATING

Jimmy bought a potion to take away his noxious, manly stink,

Jimmy quickly drank it down, and he went not smelly in a blink,

Jimmy, then got lots and lots of dates,

He married and divorced many mates,

Jimmy became successful, all because of an anti-stink drink.

CLEAN PIERCINGS? DO, TOODALOO, TOO.

Time will clean your earring, so there is nothing for you to do,

Dead skin and germs will fall away, to them you say "toodaloo",

Do not clean piercings, I beseech,

Don't waste your money, buying bleach,

The same can be said of nose rings, for boogers fall away, too.

THE CAT WHO WOULD SLEEP ON HIS STINK

My silly pussy cat was really poky and slow,

It took him 8 hours to find his litter box and go,

Then he would fall asleep,

On his litter box heap,

Then I'd make him go outdoors, and roll around in the snow.

GOOPY AND THE LAW OF DENTAL HYGIENE

There was something goopy, that came up through my straw,

I sucked it from my soda pop, into my jaw,

What a maddening, big waste,

I used a tube of toothpaste,

To brush the goopy away; following dental law.

MOMMY HUGS AND SAMMY BUGS

Sammy torments the little crawling bugs,

Bugs get even with deep digs, and wide dugs,

Mostly, the bugs bite,

But, Sammy ain't bright,

Sammy gets infested, from mommy hugs.

RED CLAY TEETH

Jimmy got locked into flossing, and flossed his front teeth every day,

Jimmy thought flossing was iconic, but he lost his teeth anyway,

When Jimmy got the bad teeth news,

He walked back home in his deck shoes,

Then Jimmy quit his bad news dentist, and made some new teeth from red clay.

FISHING IN THE NOW AND CLEANING DIRTY HANDS

My bucket is full of minnows, and my can is full of worms,

My lunchbox is full of candy; my hands are covered with germs,

I am fishing in my boat,

Eating candy while afloat,

I wash my hands off in the lake; they are clean, my eye confirms.

STINKY LITTLE BROTHER CAME CLEAN

There was a clean scented squirrel named Amy,

She had a little brother that smelled gamey,

She had the super power,

Shoved him into the shower,

Now both sibling squirrels smell the samey.

LIVING IN MICHIGAN IS A BUGGER

I live in Michigan, we have zillions of bugs

They eat into your eyeballs, you share them, with hugs,

Bugs poop on your pans and dishes,

They attack your cute goldfishes,

You'!l even drink a few, in your rootbeer chug-a-lugs. 

PERSONAL DENTAL CARE

I bought some fluoride toothpaste that came in a white, glass jar,

I did not have to squeeze it, so I thought it would go far,

It caught me off my guard,

When the whole jar turned hard,

I now brush with baking soda; my teeth are black as tar.

SCOTT, IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Scott had ugly bugs coming out his nose,

He had even more nasties,  when he blows,

Scott was meany mean,

Even more, unclean,

Scott had odd things, growing between his toes.

I TOOK A BREAK AND IT HURT

I ate two onion bagels, and that was lunch,

I washed them down with a sweet, raspberry punch,

My teeth were full of ruts,

On break I chewed some nuts,

I shouted "Ouch!", with every single crunch.

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MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

BETTER HYGIENE FOR ALL

Free Soap, Free Soap, for better hygiene,

To live long and prosper, you must keep yourself clean,

It's not a small token,

To disinfect while you're soakin'

And, wash the undies if you ate too much bean.

FREE PIES FROM STINKY

My neighbor bakes me pies full of beans,

My neighbor's body, he seldom cleans,

I throw the beans far, far away,

Return a clean pan the next day,

I'd remark, but I don't feel the means.

I FINGERED SOMEONE

Someone was picking their nose,

And, wiping it allover their clothes,

Mama got mad,

Nose picker got sad,

I told everyone, and that added to woes.

MY SHOWER ROPE WAS EMPTY

Mason used up all the soap,

So, all I had was an empty rope,

So, I used up his shampoo,

Got even, true,

Now, he won't be telling ma, that I'm just a stupid dope.

THE BRUSH

I found a well used, bristled toothbrush on the floor,

I think the renters left it, who lived here before,

"Finder's, Keeper's", I'd say,

Offsets the rent I pay,

And, saves me a trip to the toothbrush selling store.