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Showing posts with label hygiene. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hygiene. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,
Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,
Someone made a big fuss,
I got kicked off the bus,
Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

Monday, February 5, 2024

BETTER HYGIENE FOR ALL

Free Soap, Free Soap, for better hygiene,
To live long and prosper, you must keep yourself clean,
It's not a small token,
To disinfect while you're soakin'
And, wash the undies if you ate too much bean.








Monday, January 29, 2024

FREE PIES FROM STINKY

My neighbor bakes me pies full of beans,
My neighbor's body, he seldom cleans,
I throw the beans far, far away,
Return a clean pan the next day,
I'd remark, but I don't feel the means.

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

I FINGERED SOMEONE

Someone was picking their nose,
And, wiping it allover their clothes,
Mama got mad,
Nose picker got sad,
I told everyone, and that added to woes.

Saturday, December 16, 2023

MY SHOWER ROPE WAS EMPTY

Mason used up all the soap,
So, all I had was an empty rope,
So, I used up his shampoo,
Got even, true,
Now, he won't be telling ma, that I'm just a stupid dope.

Thursday, November 16, 2023

THE BRUSH

I found a well used, bristled toothbrush on the floor,
I think the renters left it, who lived here before,
"Finder's, Keeper's", I'd say,
Offsets the rent I pay,
And, saves me a trip to the toothbrush selling store.

Sunday, November 12, 2023

THE FEAR OF SOAPS, SHOWERS AND FLOWERS

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard,
Howard was by all measures, a true coward,
He hardly ever used soap and then showered,
His many smells made him feel more empowered,
He feared the soap scent would make him smell flowered.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

WHAT LURKS BETWEEN THE TOES

Gym hired a surgeon, who fixed Gym's big nose,
While they were at it, they cleaned between Gym's toes,
The surgeon removed a tick,
And a big green pogo stick,
And a fifty foot, green garden hose.

Monday, October 16, 2023

DEALING WITH PARASITES

In order to get them to act nice,
George made a deal with his little lice,
They could live in his beard,
It wouldn't get shaved or sheared,
And, George would bathe each year, only twice.

Wednesday, August 23, 2023

BERNARD: I SMELL A LOVE STORY

Bernard's new love interest got Bernard excited,
But Bernard's fixated love, was quite unrequited,
His love called him a sleaze,
Said he smelled like fart cheese,
Bernard took a shower, so one fault could be righted.   


THE BUGGY OLD ELF CAN FINALLY GO HOME

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard,
Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared,
Down in Florida, Santa wastes away,
At least, that's what some folks say,
Some say Santa went to a barber, and had his bug beard sheared.


Saturday, August 19, 2023

BREATH MINTS MATTER

Jimmy gave Joe some breath mints, and insisted Joe should take them soon,
Because werewolves were attracted to bad breath, and it was a full moon,
But, Joe was cheap,
Thought Jimmy, a creep,
Then Jimmy turned into a werewolf, and Joe and Jimmy began to spoon.


Thursday, August 17, 2023

BEN OF NAILS

Ben's toe nails were a yard longer than his feet,
Ben showed them off by walking barefoot down the street,
But, all the neighbors made fun,
Kids would scream and then run,
Ben got his nails trimmed by a manicurist named Pete.  



Tuesday, August 8, 2023

VISA IS THE TOOTH FAIRY, WHO PAYS NEDDY'S DENTIST BILLS

Neddy had bad tooth decay,
But, he ate his candy, anyway,
When his front tooth popped out,
Neddy had not, any doubt,
He had to see a dentist, and max his credit card to pay.

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Tooth Truth

For teeth, there was once was a tube of paste,
It was never touched, and went to waste,
Soon no one had teeth,
They just gumed on their beef, 
It seems not flushing and brushing was decided in haste.




Wednesday, July 12, 2023

MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE MINTY MUNG BEANS

Canadian smoke fills my mouth and lungs,
It's tastes unpleasant, when trading tongues,
Each Canadian smoke shower,
Makes Honey taste bitter-sour,
I try to improve my breath, by chewing mint and mungs.

Saturday, July 8, 2023

JIM'S JOB INTERVIEW IS GOING TO STINK

Jim's French perfume had gone all skunky,
It smelled worse than the pee of his pet monkey,
Jim was due for an appointment,
And had no underarm ointment,
It's a job interview, and Jim's chances are sunky.


Sunday, July 2, 2023

DON'T EAT YOUR SWEETIES FEETIES

I once knew this scientist named Pete,
The only thing he studied was feet,
He said what lurked among us,
Was a terminal foot fungus,
And toe jam was not fit to eat

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

FOLLOW THE YELLOW, SICK TOAD

Some guy got lost way out in my woods,
We robbed him, we were dressed with yellow hoods,
I told him, "follow my bro, The Toad",
"He knows the way to the main road,
Toad is always sick, because he don't bath like he shoulds."



Monday, March 20, 2023

SMELLY PEOPLE MAKE PEOPLE SNEEZE

Our flight was delayed by 29 hours,
Nobody could get to any showers,
When everyone sneezed,
The entire planed wheezed,
Then we landed in somebody's flowers.