THE HEADLESS NIGHT TERROR

I saw a ghost in the hall, with a big sharp ax, and he was blood red,

He was dripping blood on my floor, and missing his natural, human head,

I said, "please, Mr. Ghost, go away,

I just cannot take this, today,"

The ghost lifted his ax; a voice filled the room, "I'm taking your head, hooray!"

COMPARISON TEA

A free green tea seems like a gift given, that is fair,

Brown tea is a great tea, but has the breath of a bear,

Chamomile is social,

Lemon tea, emotional,

I think I'll stick with green tea; the color I died my hair.

HOW TO BUY LOTS OF CHRISTMAS CANDY, CHEAP!

I shop for my Christmas candy, when I go to rummage and yard sales,

I only buy the real quality stuff, not sucked on by bugs or snails.

I do not worry about germs,

And, ignore the tiny worms,

Candy is so high in stores, but for less than a dollar, I buy pails.

BFB AND DROOL

Everyday each year, I got bullied on the way to school,

The two big bullies were Big Fist Buster, and his sidekick, Drool,

First, Drool did his bad thing,

He drooled on my left wing,

Then BFB busted my right wing; methinks my casts were cool.

DEER CAMP 2022

At deer camp, we got 16 deer, 4 goats and ten trolls,

And, Ron got two garden gnomes, methinks that he stoles,

And, Frederick The Peasant,

Thought he got a pheasant

But it was a skunk; not one of our goals.

112122

OH THE TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE, WHEN JUICY FLIES WE COULD RETRIEVE

Sneed was a spider, and a big, giant spider was Sneed,

He wrapped his webs throughout the house, for he was full of greed,

Greedy for the big, fat, flies,

Ones with eyeballs, full of eyes,

Sneed would suck out the juice from the flies; I couldn't watch the deed.

ON FRIDAY, ROTTEN FISH FILLS THE MORGUE

I went to a fast food place, for a fish between buns with a pop and fries,

I hung out there on Fridays to be with the local gals and local guys,

But, the fish had a awkward smell,

The stinky, should've been a tell,

We we're ghosted that day, seems when you eat stinky fish, everyone dies.

TOILET DOWN

My neighbor sat on my bathroom toilet, and the toilet fell through the floor,

My neighbor is threatening a lawsuit, for a million dollars, or more,

My neighbor weighs near 400 lbs,

He sinks when he walks on any grounds,

My attorney said settle, sell my house, and accept being lawsuit poor.

SETTING JIMMY FREE

Jimmy the itty, bitty lizard is so sad, you see,

He lives alone in my restored, antique cabinetry,

He eats spiders and fruit flies,

Turns them into white, poop pies

I should take Jimmy outside, and toss him into a tree.

SHACKING UP FOR THE WINTER, OR FAMILY TIES IN THE RURALS

I bought a shack down in the holler,

I moved in and spread out my squalor,

I decided to let in,

The rest of my kith and kin,

Some cousins must wear a dog collar.

BAD ROBOT AND THE BANANAS

A robot stole my packed, full grocery cart; it was full of bananas,

I was taking them to the nursing home, to feed the grandpas and nanas,

For the bananas, I had paid,

Cannot buy more, without some aid,

You just cannot go anywhere; robots have all turned into piranhas.

CAT VILLAIN

My grey cat is a villain, a villain is he,

He shredded my curtains, and dropped pee in my tea,

Teasing my pretty koi, 

Brings my cat villain joy,

I wouldn't keep the cat, but for my kid, Little Lee.

SCHOOL SALISBURY STEAK OR STARVE

I went to the grocery store to buy just one pound of ground beef,

I looked at all the high beef prices, and said, "oh, good greedy grief",

I couldn't afford any meat,

I bought bananas to eat,

I told the kids to rely on school lunches, and eat, eat, eat, eat.

FLYING MONKEY, HAIR THIEF

Along came a big flying monkey, and he flew off with my toupee,

I'll never see that fake hair again, because the monk flew far away,

My new hairline I fear,

Sits just north of my ear,

Oh, those big, bad, nasty, flying monkeys; may they find much woe, one day.

I EAT NO PEACHES

I was hungry for peaches, so I went to the grocery store,

The store didn't have any peaches, because they were needed for war,

I did not know what that meant,

I gave the manager, my vent,

My big vent made me very tired, so I went home for a snore.

CHRISTMAS CANDY 2024

I found the wrapped candy canes, left over from last year,

Are they still good? Or should I just feed them to the deer?  

When I went to buy some more,

I found the prices, did soar,

I tried an old candy cane; they're still good to stir beer.

THEY DON'T HATCH OUT ALL GROWNUP

I inherited a dinosaur egg; it was really old,

The old egg has been in my family, since a time untold,

Yesterday, a saur popped out,

The kids and spouse all gave a shout,

They named the dino Spanky, because he acted two years old.

A PENNY SAVED IS A WASTE OF TIME

I gathered my pennies; took them to the bank, and they weren't worth a thing,

The bank stoped exchanging currency for pennies, sometime, late last spring,

With a million pennies, I am stuck,

I am completely out of good luck,

Too bad the copper pennies weren't made of gold, I'd melt them into bling.