PUP WELL DRAINED?

Mary was so ashamed,

Her puppy was not toilet trained,

The pup did know the score,

He did his job out the door,

But, came back in and was not fully drained.

5721

DINO RAMPAGE

The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,

I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!

That big buns dino turd,

Never heard one word,

He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.

22424

THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  

3118

JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

THE WALRUS POSE LIMERICK

John  thought he'd strike a walrus pose,
So, he stuck two straws way up his nose,
He thought he’d be funny,
But, his nose became runny,
He dripped down the front of his clothes.

5721

I FOUND A NICKEL, WHEN I PLANTED MY CHERRY

I bought a cute, little cherry tree, and put it in the ground,

I put a steak in beside it with a pound, pound, pound, pound, pound,

So the cherry tree would not break,

I tied it firmly to the stake,

My dig turned up something shinny, a new nickel I done found.

22324

THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM REMASTERED

Johnny was captured, and taken to the pit,

He got cut by a pendulum, that was it,

He got cut in half,

Infected with staff,

Now Johnny has no way that he can sit.

22224

I COME FROM A PLANET WITH TWO SUNS AND TWO MOONS LIMERICK

I come from a planet with two suns and two moons,
Many groves of apple trees line up in platoons,
It never turns night,
You live only in light,
You can eat lunch twice cause there are two noons.

41123

GREEN GOES THE MELTING SNOW

I got tired of snow so, I painted the snow grass green,

I covered my yard and I thought it looked keen,

But, the city via citation disagreed,

Said as the snow melts into roads the paint would bleed,

The cleanup made my wallet real lean.

51720

I WILL BE ONE WITH THE LAWN

The doctor said to me, soon I'd be all gone,

I would probably not make it, until dawn,

Tainted preserve spread,

Was making me dead,

I'll soon be greening up a small plot of lawn.

I HIDE FROM GLOWING SPACE ALIENS

I think that I'd better hide,

There are space aliens glowing outside,

I've got nothing to fear,

Unless, I think life dear,

But, I'm a coward and in that I take pride.

10322

TAXES,AND TOILET WINE

I do not mind filing taxes each and every single  year,

It's paying the taxes, fines, interest and fees, that causes fear,

If I happen to fail,

I will spend time in jail,

There I'll be making wine in my toilet, and never taste a beer.

22224

FILING MY TAXES: I MIGHT GET PROBATION IN FOUR

Filing my taxes feels stressful, like war,

 My receipts are scattered all over, the floor, 

 My cats all go whiz, 

 All over my biz, 

 I might get probation, in four.

101021

STARTING PLANTS INDOORS

I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,

I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,

I transplant them to pots on my deck,

I grow amazing peppers by the peck,

I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.

FORSAKE ME NOT MY JELLYROLL

Forsake me not my jellyroll,
I need said roll to guide my soul,
The flavors are Zen,
It's perfection, a ten,
Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.

21422

 

MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND 2

My dearest friend in the world, the hound, he died,

The ancient woodland fairies, they cried and cried,

I put my hound in the hole,

Said "fare thee well", to his soul,

The fit was real tight, because the hole wasn't wide.

12824

THE ANIMAL LANGUAGES RHYME

My turtle named Herman could speak only German,
My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese,
My little pet finch could speak only French,
My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi,
My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish,
My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic,
My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese,
My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin,
And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.    

22024

A SPIDER NAMED NELLIE LIMERICK

A spider named Nellie lived under the stairs,
This spider named Nellie was afraid of big bears,
She would never go outside,
Under the stairs she would hide,
Counting each of her forty-one graying hairs.

7922

PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE

I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,

They discussed the condition causing my gloom,

They said don't bother to retire,

For I was about to expire,

They said I should contemplate my pending doom.

22024

Meeting

Tracy went to Sarnia to visit the Prince,

Poor, old Mr. Tracy has not been heard from since,

Dan went to Hope,

To visit the Pope,

The visit went well, except meeting was tense.

MY BIRD SONG

Many birds are here this spring,

Doing their tweet and pecking thing,

Building nests beneath roofs, in trees,

All busy parents the shes and hes,

Seeds and bugs to their young they bring,

And, joy to the babies moms and daddies sing.

32917

 

THE GHOSTED TIME TRAVELERS

On my brand new time-ship, everything went all blurry,

As some particles slowed, others started to hurry,

I felt my particles collide,

Pretty sure we all died,

At least now that I am dead, I don't have to worry.

21924

MY SPACESHIP CRASHED, AGAIN

Because I used repurposed tin,

My spaceship fell apart again,

No trip out to Mars,

Let alone the stars,

A crashing spaceship is no win.

MONDAY, I'M OFF TO WORK

Monday morning I am soar,

I am tired and could sleep some more,

I was a weekend rowdy,

My mind is still cloudy,

I can't remember how to open the door.

42522

I GOT A JOB IN DAIRY OUT ON PLANET X

I was abducted by an alien that landed a ship from outer space,

I knew he/she was an alien because her/his eyes glowed on his/ her face,

She/he took me to a store/farm,

She/he offered me no harm,

But he/she said I'd be milking cows and stocking the dairy case.

MICKEY THE PICKY

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,

He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,

That made mom and dad,

Fell terribly sad,

So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.

HENRY IS SICK

Henry ate a great big plate of green, raw, frozen clams,

Henry barfed at the fun party at the house of Sam's,

Henry walked his way back home,

Past where was the Silverdome,

Henry remembered the Lions win, against the Rams.

21824

BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.