MOZART'S TIT SINGS

There was a little titmouse chirping in a tree,

The little titmouse chirped and chirped, a Mozart melody,

It was the Turkish March in C,

He chirped repeatedly,

Now that tune repeats in my head, and my brain cells can't break free.

MY DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS GOAT CHEESE

Everyone loves my Christmas goat cheese,

I bring some to work each year, as a smell tease,

Sometimes it ain't right,

And, empties bowels overnight,

For my goats often have diarrhea disease.

PIMPLES OF THE WITCH

My granny use to be a very naughty, nasty, mean witch,

She gave nice people lots of pimples, and made those pimples itch,

She'd sell a cure in a plastic tub,

Just a mayonnaise and alcohol rub,

Granny became really rich, off the pimple cream, she would pitch.

SANTA CLAUS RODE ON HIS RED SLEIGH

Santa Claus rode on his red sleigh,
Bringing presents on Christmas day,
He couldn't hardly steer,
His rowdy reindeer,
Till he agreed to give them more pay.

THE LITTLE SUMMER BOY

I hate all the winter, it comes with a terrible steep cost,

All it does is blow and snow, and covers eyeballs with the frost,

The cold aches down in my bones,

And, I lose my suntan tones,

By the time old winter ends, I will be feeling all is lost.

THE FAMILY COMES TOGETHER TO SHARE THEIR LOVE AND A MEAL🎄❄❄❄❄❄🎄

Every holiday it's not surprising,🙄

With all the family tensions rising,😡

After all our nasties are said,🙊

We sit down and break bread,🍞

Afterwards, we continue despising.🍷🍸🍹🍺

CHRISTMAS TREES OUTSIDE

I like to decorate Christmas trees outside in the snow,

And, watch the colored bulbs in the sunshine glow,

But, watch out for the deer,

Because it is clear,

On your trees their chompers will mow.

THE MARSHMALLOW ELVES

Two marshmallows froze while polishing Santa's sleigh,

Santa warned them not to do it, but the marshmallows did it anyway,

To warm the marshmallows up quick,

Santa stuck them on a stick,

And, Santa had s'mores to snack on that day.

THERE WAS NO SNOW FOR CHRISTMAS

There was no snow for Christmas,

Nor, snow for New Year's as well,

And, living in Northern Michigan,

It's been a type of snow-less hell,

There's no snow on the ski slope,

Nor, on the toboggan run,

There's no snow on the snowmobile trail,

In winter, no snow equals no fun,

Of course you can go ice skating,

And, fall and crack your bones,

You can also go ice fishing,

And, get frostbite on your scones,

But, a snow fortress you cannot build,

Nor, a snowman can you roll,

You can't track animals you've shot and killed,

Nor, make snow angels with arms and soul,

You see a winter that has no snow,

Is like a car that has no gas,

It's like Santa's lost his "Ho, Ho,"

When Old Man Winter takes a pass.

A WARM CHRISTMAS DAY CHANGES OLD SANTA'S SLEIGH

There will be no white on Christmas Day,

Only green and brown and tan and gray,

It has been really warm,

And, unless there's a storm,

Tires will adorn Santa's sleigh.

WHY SAM AIN'T GOT NO GIRLFRIEND

There once was a man named Sam,

He ate the putrefied meat from a ham, 

It made his bowels all throttle,

So he peed in a bottle,

And farted, on his girlfriend, Pam.

TRUMPET ETUDES BROKE UP THE TWO DUDES

I decided to write etudes, that were fun and fancy,

I did it for the trumpet, for my students Glen and Clancy, 

The etudes made them play real good,

Got them out of this neighborhood,

Then they had a falling out, over someone they called Nancy.

HERMES: HEARTS AND SMELLS

Hermes loved the Poe story of "The Tell Tale Heart",

Unfortunately with Hermes, he had a tell tale fart,

And, just wouldn't you know,

The sound of farts would grow,

The sound was ever increasing, bringing Hermes regret and woe.

DAVE WALKED HOME IN THE SNOW STORM

The cold hit and hurt David's face,

Like a blast of cold bear mace,

His eyeballs got puckered,

Dave's bod ached, and was tuckered,

To get home, he had to pick up the pace.

THE UN-GRADUATED UNDERGRADUATE, HAS A HISSY FIT

I opened my mail, and got a brand new communication,

Addressed from the university administration,

They said they looked and could not see,

How I earned a college degree,

All that work these may years, ends only with frustration.

TINY BUBBLES OR TAP

There were tiny bubbles, exploding in my pop,

They were giving me a headache, and I could not make them stop,

So, to ease my bad head pain,

I poured my pop down the drain,

Now, I drink tap water, that smells like its from my mop.

THE WEREWOLF, CHAMOMILE TEA AND DILL FLAVORED SNACK CRACKERS

I was traveling through the wicked woods,
On my way to the store to buy dry goods,
When a fierce werewolf stood in my way,
I forgot the moon was full and it was not day,

But, on my mistake I did not ponder,
I ran to my cabin way back yonder,
And, although I made it through the door,
The werewolf pinned me to the floor,

I looked for my shotgun but it was in pieces,
I forgot it had been played with by my little nieces,
I said to the werewolf " you don't want to eat me",
I live on dill flavored snack crackers and chamomile tea,

"I'm afraid that you will never saviour"
"Chamomile tea and dill snack cracker flavor,"
So, into the woods the werewolf stole away,
For only bacon flavored snack crackers made his taste buds go yeah!

SPOOKY CHRISTMAS

  In the chimney hobgoblins appeared,

The Christmas tree, now looks really weird,

I got a message from Claus,

At my home, he won't pause,

Last time two reindeer disappeared.

TURTLE SOUP, LIZARDS, SNAKES AND BUGS DANCING THE HULA-HOOP

I could not find a turtle for my turtle soup,
So, I went out to see what crawled on my front stoop,
I found a green lizard,
A snake with a gizzard,
And, four bugs danced a mean hula-hoop.

SANTA, BELLS AND BATTERIES

Santa had to buy brand new batteries, to make his big sleigh bells ring,

But, the elves stole the batteries for karaoke, because elves like to sing,

So, Santa's long fight,

Was one dreary night,

With the reindeer all singing "Ding, Ding....".

A LIMERICK OF LYNN (THE WALRUS)

There once was a walrus named Lynn,
She couldn’t fit through her door when open,
So, she stuck dynamite,
By her belly so tight,
Now, she’s missed by her kith and her kin.

121823

THE BEAST RUINED OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST

I chopped some firewood to cook the beast,

It was the main course at our Christmas feast,

But the beast was not dead,

It bit off my head,

That was the scenario I planned for, the least.

JOHNNY BANGS ON THE WALL

Johnny, Johnny you bang on the wall,
Are you an animal hearing the animal call,
Your neighbors next door,
Find no peace from your roar,
Have you no compassion at all?

DON'T LOOK, IT'S ANTHROPOCENE

I've heard I live in an epoch called anthropocene,

I looked for dinosaurs, but none have I seen,

I guess it's human caused,

And not easily paused,

I just hope snails won't grow big, and turn mean.

NINE GUMS HIS PENCILS

I had a good buddy they called Nine Times Ten,

He did math with a pencil, and never used pen,

He was good with his math sums,

Chewed his pencil with his gums,

Nine lost his teeth; fisted by big brother Glen.