CHICKENS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN LIMERICK

Chickens don't go to heaven when they die,
Sometimes they are roasted but, most often they fry,
Though cleaning chickens may sicken,
Fried outsides are finger-lickin'
And, the innards make a tasty pot pie.

I WINTER IN MICHIGAN LIMERICK

In winter out in Michigan's deep pine woods,
I've lived mostly on canned beans and a lot of dry goods,
I've lived in just shacks and old trailers,
With secondhand shops for tailors,
And, ate deserts of dried berries and puds.

I WAS DISARMED BY A HUNGRY ZOMBIE

A zombie who had no charm,

Bit off my pretty right arm,

Then after he fed,

He walked away with the dead,

I reincarnated as a pig on a farm.🐖

HO, HO, HO AND IT'S TIME TO SNOW

Such dreaded heat I can't remember,

I'm using air conditioning in late September,

But soon, ho, ho, ho,

We'll be covered with snow,

In late October or early November. 

SEPTEMBER FULL MOON LIMERICK

The full moon brings September woe,
We will be soon consumed by rain then snow,
The snow won't go away,
Until April it will stay,🏂
Winter misery is all that we'll know.⛄⛄⛄

MY UNREQUITED LOVE

My unrequited love,

I know you go on to the world of lovers where I will not be,

Still, in my heart I imagine you stay here with me,

And, great joy and happiness we find together,

On a ship in space in the distant future,

We share our lives for an eternity,

Joyous with all the amenities of this world,

And, of the tunes, tones and entertainments,

That exhaust all thoughts of boredom,

To this world I will imagine you and I,

Until my human thoughts all die.

HAMMERHEAD SHARK IN A LAKE MICHIGAN BAY

A hammerhead shark was spotted today,
They are seldom seen out in Grand Traverse Bay,
But, this shark was at ease,
Riding around on jet skis,
And, he only scared seagulls away.

JUNE BUFFOON

This is a strawberry June,

A world where normal is the buffoon

Where truth dies on the spot,

Between what is real and is not,

Guess, I'll see you soon.

JENNY AND THE FULL MOON MONSTERS

Jenny went out alone to see the moon,
It was full and round like a big balloon,
But, she forgot to beware,
For the werewolves were there,
Now, Jenny sings an angelic tune.

Jenny found monsters,
Under the full moon,
They weren't there for play,
They weren't there to spoon,

They ate her that night,
Many locals will say,
Beneath the moon big and bright,
Until the break of the day,

The werewolves scarfed down Jenny's bones,
Then, filled the night with werewolf tones,
No trace of Jenny was amongst the stones,
Except, for her purse and two broken cell phones.

ON HALLOWEEN A WITCH FLEW HER BROOM-Limerick

On Halloween a witch flew her broom,
She flew really low and went Zoom!!!
She hit a rock,
It cleaned her clock,
Her broom then blew up and went Boom!!!

SANTA BOUGHT A HOUSE IN PALM SPRINGS

Santa bought a winter house in Palm Springs,
He went there when he was done with  Santa things,
At the club he dressed so debonair,
He looked well with money to spare,
For he pawned his wife’s gold bracelets and rings.

FLAT WORM INVASION

There was a flat worm named Jimmy,

And in Robert's tummy, he'd shimmy,

Jim's babies made Robert unwell,

The babies Robert did expel,

The babies found a home in big Timmy.

THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ME

What if the universe runs out of time,
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption then, at the end I won't whine.

THE HALLOWEEN BOO MALT

I put pepper and salt,

In my Halloween malt,

And a dash of sweet pumpkin too,

Along with spider eyes,

And little fat flies,

Makes you ready to burp out a "Boo!".