UNCLE DALE'S TOENAILS AND BURGERS

I made me a burger, but it was a food fail,

When I bit into the meat I found a toenail, 

Couldn't tell from which creature,

Came the unsightly bod feature,

But, nearby were nail clippers, belonging to Dale.

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WASH AWAY MAN

I forded the river, but fell in the stream,
As I washed away I let out a scream,
My scream did not bring me luck,
I scraped through rocks, sticks and muck,
Still, I managed to stay pretty clean.

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THE CARN IN THE BARN IS MY YARN

Near an old caved-in farmhouse, there was a big, red barn,

What's kept in there, I'll tell you in this story, my yarn

It is white haired, and has six feet,

It loves the human meat to eat,

It won't touch plant food, because it is an evolved carn.13

THE EXTERMINATOR

I am a bedbug exterminator, and bedbugs is all I do,

I exterminate all your bedbugs, so your bugs quit biting on you,

I use a potent spray,

It makes them dead today,

The poison won't harm kids or pets, but it's deadly if you're an emu.  

GOLF IS THE SAND TRAP OF LIFE

Jimmy's ball was in the big sand trap; that is where Jimmy's ball was,

Jimmy punched his ball into the sand trap, when his eye caught some fuzz,

Jimmy really hated the golf game,

But, his boss loved it, so Jimmy came,

Jimmy wished that his boss loved bowling, because that's what Jimmy does.

LIFE OR DEATH IN THE MEAT SHOP

I went home from the meat store, but forgot to cull the outdated,

The next day, many customers found their bellies were ill fated,

It took a hospital machine,

To pump their guts completely clean,

I was fired the next day, and found out I was widely hated.

THE BIRD FEEDER LIMERICK

Little birds have a terrible food need,
So, I kept my bird feeder just full of seed,
But, the squirrels out there,
Robbed my feeder just bare,
Those squirrels are just full of greed.

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THE MICHIGANDER WHALE

All the big whales in Lake Michigan, have beached themselves on the shore,

They know we're desperate for their oil, they're loyalty, I adore,

Their meat won't be left to rot,

We'll cook it up in a pot,

Then we will sell it for cat food, in every Michigan store.

THE WHALER MAN

I am the great whaler man, all Lake Michigan whales fear,

The whales know I come for them with a long, whaler man spear,

I will stick them real good,

In their cold water hood,

I will give the world oil, for a keg of near beer.

WHY WE HUNT LAKE MICHIGAN WHALES

In order to afford eating steak burgers and greased chips,

Michiganders are taking jobs on modern whaling ships,

The massive Lake Michigan whales,

Have refineries in their tails,

Michigan whales store refined gas from their tails to their lips.

BAR FIGHTING ON MARS

I got into a fight at one of the bars,

That always happens, when bar hopping on Mars,

The martian body is like a solid rock,

It is hard to hurt them, while they clean your clock,

And a loss on Mars means human heads get jars.

HE STOLE MY TOKENS.

 I took all my electronic tokens, and put them in a jar,

I was saving electronic tokens to buy a brand new car,
When I looked early today,

My tokens had gone away,

Seems someone took my tokens, and traveled to a place that is far.

IN LIFE AND IN DEATH, BEDBUGS ARE CRUEL

I just found a giant, red bedbug, floating in my tea,

I am sure that ugly, giant bedbug was mocking me,

Because, real late last ight,

I got a bedbug bite,

And, I feel certain just as he died, he took a big pee.

GREEN IS NICE, BUT BUGS BITE

I went way out into the deep green woods, to give the untouched, rare fauna, hugs

As I then advanced I began to be annoyed, because of the creepy bugs,

Beneath the clothing, and out of sight,

The bugs be there, and be those that bite,

I was covered by carnivore bugs, who left a nibble for the worms and slugs.

THE MAN WITHOUT A GUMMY BEAR

I could not find my gummy bears, and I was such a brain fog mess, 

I was already late, and I was supposed to greet the princess,
Well, I got my time just completely wrong,

The princess left on a flight to Hong Kong,

I blamed it on lost gummy bears, other's blamed gummy bear excess.

MY LIFE AS A BRAIN EATING ZOMBIE HAIKU

Brain eating zombie,
Biter, ouch, headache, brains, brains,
Guy, baseball bat, ouch!!!

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LOVE, TIME, RECKONING IMAGINED

You broke my heart, and you broke my brain,

Then you cut a fart, and hopped a plane,

Will I see you once again?

Will you buy me a nice din?

Will you be hobbled, and walk with cane?

YOYO, EDDY, THE CHAMBER AND ME.

I went into my chamber, because the chamber is where I go,

I played some chamber music, while I bounced my yellow, new yoyo

I played the music on an old LP,

I think the speed was like 33,

Later, I put down my yoyo, and read some Edgar Allen Poe.