TRINA'S LITTLE GOLDFISH FOUND OUT HEAVEN WAS FULL OF TURDS

Trina bought a 2 inch long goldfish, and put it in a large casserole bowl,

Trina gave her fish lots to eat, because keeping him healthy was her main goal,

The goldfish bloated up 3 inches wide,

Trina found it floating on its right side,

Trina flushed his body to the septic tank, along with his immortal soul.

CANNED CONTENTS CAN VARY

I bought canned fruit that had some cherries,

Mixed in with pears, grapes and berries,

Imagine, I had to report,

I found a toe with a wart,

So, contents of canned fruit sometimes varies.

10620

I DRANK WATER FROM THE POND

I drank some water full of algae, and it made me really sick,

They took me to the hospital where they gave me a little prick,

Soon my limbs were flailing,

My enlarged heart was failing,

Then, someone brought a bucket in, so I could give it my last kick.

JOHNNY RINGNECK

Johnny Ringneck was a pheasant,
He was hunted by a peasant,
Johnny dodged bird shot, 
Which he did quite a lot,
But, Johnny lost some feathers in his crescent. 

31122

SNOWMOBILE RACE HAIKU HUMOR

Snowmobile, fast, race,
Tree, snowmobile stops, I don’t,
Broken body, ouch!!!

P02122023

RANDY THE CINNAMON BUN

There was a cinnamon bun named Randy,
His owner was a young girl named Candy,
Randy tried to jump free,
But, got really dirty,
It was good the garbage was handy.

41522

I SHOULD HAVE MY PhD, BUT MY AI WAS DRUNK

I fired my new AI, because he staggered to work, drunk,

Both of his green eyes were bloody red, and inwardly, had sunk,

He saw I was real mad,

But, he smirked, that was bad,

Then, when writing my doctoral thesis, he churned out junk.

53125

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because of hot apps downloaded in May.

9316

PROPER WINE ETIQUETTE: THE CHEESE FILLED WIENER STORY

I got my cheese filled wieners, delivered from the wiener store,

I threw them on my old barbeque, and burned them to the core,

If one chased them down with red wine,

They tasted excellently fine,

Those who chased them down with the white, pooped their pants and ate no more.

UNHINGED TRUMPETER

Tory the 1st chair trumpeter, became quite unhinged,

Because on Johann S. Bach, all night she super binged,

Her lips were sore,

Her tongue was tore,

She started Toccata and Fugue, and her fingers cringed.

91224

BACON, TOAST EGGS GOOD: CEREAL, NOT SO MUCH HAIKU

High priced cereal,
Nice box: tastes like sticks and leaves,
Trash can smells better.

Sugar, Cereal,
Yuck! Tastes like very dry grass,
Eggs, toast, bacon, good.

7523

I SWAM 3 METERS

I swam 3 meters and sank down 4,

If I hadn't stopped swimming I would have sunk down more,

Of course, I'm a human,

I'm not a fish,

And, swimming makes my human parts feel very sore.

21923

FOUR LITTLE QUARTERS: MY SAVINGS AND CRAVINGS

Four little quarters I dropped into my coin bank,
They jingled and rattled while to the bottom they sank,
They were my life's savings,
I spent the rest on my cravings,
I always ate out, went to sports bars, and drank.

1823

SQUIRREL POX AND THE EMPIRE OF SQUIRREL

The squirrels took over the world,

They spread disease, and all humans hurled,

The plague did humans in,

It was biology, not sin,

With humans gone, the squirrel flag was unfurled.

82222

FEED THE PIGS

I had to go feed my jittery pigs,

I feed them slop filled with butts from my cigs,

Those pigs will deep diggy,

For every ciggy,

I watch and smoke, and I chew on soft figs.

FEED THE COWS

I grow some corn to feed my cows, along with alfalfa hay,

I make sure to feed all of my cows, on each and every day,

Once all my cows are fully filled,

I drink a pop that's chilly chilled,

I relax and wait for slaughter trucks, to truck my cows away.

82524

SILENCE OF THE CAR PHONE

I thought I would make a car phone,
So, I got a long cord on a loan,
But, the cord didn't reach car,
Now, I'm still in my car,
And, don't even have a dial tone. 

41223

I CHANGED MY BUSINESS PARTNERS

I decided to change out my business chums,
Because, I couldn't understand their sums,
But, how you choose,
Is why you loose,
I thank goodness for the charity of mums.

3221

GEORGE TOOK A BOAT OUT ON A LAKE

George took a boat out on a lake, 
To see what big fish he could take, 
The boat started to leak, 
It was a wooden antique, 
George knew he had made a mistake.

31021

HARD RAIN AND BIG BERRY, JUICY MEATS

My old gravel road, got washed out by the water from the hard rain,

The good thing that came from the flood; my berries had a big juice gain,

My strawberries have nice meat,

They are juicy and real sweet,

Not sure how the neighbor's doing, with that confounded, sugar cane.

THREE SPANISH BROTHERS, THEIR BRIDES AND CANDY BEARS

There were 3 little boy babies, who came from Spain,

They grew up with two parents, in the State Of Maine,

The boys opened a flower shop,

They all got real rich, pop, pop, pop,

They each married ladies, who took gummies for pain.

PART SPOON, PART FORK: SPORK

I started eating all my meals with a thing called spork,

It's kind of like a spoon with one end like a small fork,

The spork don't stab very well,

The spork leaks soup, you can tell,

And, at the end of the day, it won't pull out a cork.

WORKING CLASS CLONES

There are millions of clones wandering our fine city streets,

They work in banks, and stores and restaurants making our eats,

Do the working clones really know?

They're just a piece of so and so,

Someone should tell them, they perform their lives as copied meats.

ADAM WAS A LITTLE, HUNGRY TROLL

Adam was a cute little troll, a cute little troll, like me,

Then our Adam grew to be six feet tall, by the age of three,

At four, Adam played college B-ball,

By then, he was nearly twelve feet tall,

But, Adam was still a troll, and kept eating the referee.

41025

THE DARK SIDE OF GUMMIES

I went to Rotterdam Michigan, where they make the tastiest gummies,

They soften the workload for the busy and ambitious, daddys and mommies,

Beware gummy creep,

It may lull you to sleep,

Some deep, eye, rem sleep is really good, too much deep, rem sleep is for dummies.

CARMEN THE OCTOPUS LIMERICK

Carmen the octopus was no longer charmed,
She was attacked by a shark, and then was disarmed,
But, she got it together,
Her loss of limbs didn't upset her,
She grew new ones, and appeared quite unharmed.🐙

111223

 

BARK NO DOG, LAMP NO LIGHT, BUG BITE

My lamp, it just wouldn't light,
I changed the bulb, but still not bright,
So I sat in the dark, 
With a dog who wouldn't bark,
And, bugs that did nothing but bite.

71022

DOG, CAT AND TIRES

I had four massive, truck tires that I inflated, fat,

My happy dog was impressed, but not so, my pretty cat,

My dog took a pee,

On tires 1 through 3,

My cat laid under tire 4, and was almost squished flat.