MOMMA AND I EAT PIE AND THE KIDS EAT BEANS

I feed my family pineapple with pork and beans,

It feeds the little ones through the teens,

But, momma and I,

We eat fruit pie,

So, we're a couple of fats while the kids are all leans.

031321

HOW'S DONNY DOING NOW?

Donny went swimming and got covered with scabs,

Then be foamed at the mouth because he also had rabs,

So, Donny was shoved in the car,

Driven to the ER,

And, was quarantined because of the crabs.

ANGELS HARKING

The dog next door is always barking,

The lark in the tree is always larking,

My parking brakes stay lit after parking,

My leaky marker is always marking,

Those harking angels won't stop harking,

All this sends my brain cells arching.

PHYLLIS HAD A PURPLE PONEY

My wife Phyllis had a purple pony,
It ate and ate all day,
It gave affections that were phony,
When She gave a cooing bray,

I did not like the purple pony,
I did not like her at all,
It ate well while we ate baloney,
And, it kicked down our best stall,

It cost so much to keep the purple pony beast,
We had no money on which to live,
We lived with famine while the monster had feast,
There was no more that I could give,

So, we mortgaged up the farm,
And, spent every cent we could earn,
Just to feed that awful pony,
She ate like we had money to burn,

Finally, I had had enough,
And left my wife and her purple mare,
I had lost my farm and all my stuff,
And, that purple pony did not care.

FREE TEA WARNING

John liked to turn plants in his yard into tea,

Unfortunately, one plant was poison ivy,

John's eyeballs swelled tight,

His skin was all blight,

His core temperature reached one hundred and three.

MY SNOWMAN GOT BURNT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

I know it's kind of a terrible thing,

But, I burnt my snowman on the first day of spring,

Our relationship is over,

Until, November or October,

I did recover our friendship gold bling. 

MY WARDROBE WAS A ROYAL CRIME

Wearing royal colors got me into court,

I was told my body would soon be a head short,

I got down on my knees,

But, despite all my pleas,

My head became a kicking ball sport.

MY INTERVIEW WITH A PRINCE

I wanted to interview a queen,

But, she said my rag mag was too mean,

But, a prince gave me time

And, confessed to a crime,

That I couldn't repeat without being obscene.

THE LION EATS TONIGHT

The lion eats tonight,

Because the path in the jungle was tight,

I got caught between trees,

Which gave the lion jollies, 

He laughed as he took his first bite.

Beware Michigan Winters

Michigan winters can't be taken with ease,

If you decide for a nap, you've decided to freeze

When winds blow down from aloft,

Internal organs won't stay soft,

And, there's no escape with arthritic knees.

MY LITTLE DOG LEE

I had a feisty Pomeranian named Little Dog Lee,

He would bite down on my pant cuffs and not let them be,

But, when I offered him bacon,

His real desire would awaken,

After that he'd let my pant cuffs hang free.

WINTER SETTLES IN

Winter months have settled in,

Subzero temps make my blue skin,

I know good folk would say I sin,

I warm myself with homemade gin,

The methanol gives me death's grin,

I now rest with the demons, mostly kin.