I'M NOT INVITING UNCLE PAUL, TO ANY MORE FAMILY FUNERALS

I did not notice his mass food intake,

At my deceased ma's memorial wake,

He ate it all,

My Uncle Paul,

The pie, the doughnuts and the coffee cake.

ME AND LARRY, AND OUR LITTLE CRIB

My pet goldfish Larry, only has one big fin,

He swims real funny, when he surfaces for din,

His bowl sits on the floor,

Right behind the front door,

My crib is tiny, so my fish display is min.

COLLEGE HAS A PERK

I had eighty pages left to read, in my chemistry book,

My dear, precious eyesight, I am afraid, that boring book took,

If my sight does not improve,

It will be my next move,

To call in sick for my chem class, and relax in the bar nook. 

GOODBYES, AND A FEEL GOOD TREAT

My family, all died on me, and left me completely alone,

They all got cremated, and I was left with just their ash and bone,

I took them down to the blue lake, 

Dumped them in, for the waves to take,

I stopped at the dairy place, and had a double dip, ice cream cone.

THE LION AND THE BEAR, GAVE THIS FISHERMAN A SCARE

I walked to the other side of the lake, and a lion was there,

He started eyeing me real good, as did his buddy, the big bear,

I took my walk, to catch a big fish,

I cast out my line, and hooked my wish,

I tossed my fish between the two beasts, and ran home, like a scarred hare.

THE BLACK HOLE CALLED LONELINESS

I have through my experience decided, I live in a deep, black hole,

No real dates, and my singularity, has crushed the life out of my soul,

In my apartment, all night,

I listen to couples, fight,

I snack on milk and cold cereal, picking single, raisins from my bowl.

62725

NO MORE COFFEES FOR FRANK

Because Big Frank's language was  horribly, despised,

Frank  got his number one channel, demonetized,

Frank should have been nice,

More sugar, less spice,

Then Frank got banned, when the platform he demonized.  

A SILL GARDEN WORKS BEST, SOMETIMES

Stark is my garden landscape, full of tumbleweed, that were dill,

I almost had a seizure, but I took ax extra strong, calm down, pill,

I rotertilled the lot,

To help the dry weeds rot,

I then planted a lettuce garden in my kitchen windowsill

THEY LOVE RAISIN TASTING TOES

I put some raisins in my shoes, to combat all the heat,

When my honey kisses my toes, my toes, they'll taste real sweet,

To continue a ship,

You must make nice the trip,

That includes that tastes and smells aren't repulsive, but a treat.

MY BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL, MAKES CUTS TO PILLS

Many people say, I'm a pretty bird, with a big, beautiful bill,

Someone stole a blue feather, because they had ink, but needed a quill,

With a big beautiful bill, I was born,

I use it grinding wheat, and chopping corn,

My mistress uses my sharp bill, to cut in thirds, her insulin pill.

FOOD AND FUNGUS

My small family of four, was running out of precious food to eat,

All we had left was a can of herring, and a jar of pigs feet,

We checked with our neighbors, to the left and right,

They said their pantries, were also very lite,

Then we all joined together picking mushrooms, although they're not a meat.

EMPLOYEE ZERO

Last night, I left my clothes on the bedroom floor, and they loaded up with bugs,

This morning, I spread the bugs to the family, when I gave each one hugs,

I wore my floor clothes to work,

Shook hands with the big boss, Kirk,

Soon, Boss Kirk, itched and scratched, and ripped off his toupee, for Kirk always wore rugs.

MY EV BATTERY WAS OLDER, THAN RARE EARTH ELEMENTS

I went out, and bought my very first EV, car,

I did not get to drive it, very gosh darn far,

I tried going fast,

The fast, did not last,

The battery was older, than Earth's nearest star.

HUSBAND, WHO CAME HOME LATE, WAS STEWED

There was a crazy, ragged, old lady, who lived with a red tennis shoe,

That is all the old lady had left, of her fourth husband, named Lou,

The old lady felt sad,

She loved Lou awfully, bad,

But with onions, peppers and taters, Lou tasted great in a stew.

A FABLE, OR JUST A SLIME TRAIL? YOU DECIDE

I followed a slimy, yellow trail, along a sandy, lake beach,

Could this, become a fable story, that generations could teach?

Just as I became winded,

The trail suddenly ended,

The trail stopped on top of a sidewalk, being slimed by the beach leach.

WOODY THE WHALER, HAS PARENTS TOO

My parents were  broke, and decided to make a man out of me,

So, they sold off my belongings, and shipped me out to The Dread Sea,

I was out on a big whaler,

I was a big whaler sailor,

And, I got my own peg, when a whale broke my leg off at the knee.

ROBIN HAS A PLAN

I traveled far to reach Michigan, I am a robin red breast,

I desperately need to find a mate; I really need to nest,

I'll soon be full of robin eggs,

Once laid, I'll watch for beaks and legs,

Once I've kicked the last baby out, I'll finally have time to rest.

SWATER HOUSE DIVE

They enter unseen, into my small, dark dump, to die,

I am talking about the vicious, common house fly,

I let fly paper hang,

My fly zapper, goes bang,

I love to swat them flat, then leave the fly guts to dry.

THE ALPHA MALE HAS AIR CONDITIONING, THE BETA MAN DRINKS COOL TEA

It was the first day of a long, hot summer, and my true love said to me,

"I'm going to live with your cousin David, because his crib has AC",

I made up a story,

I said I was sorry,

I explained I was saving for an ice maker, to cool our lemon tea.

I NEED TO FIGURE A WAY TO MAKE MY BOSS PAY

I spent extra time at the office, but I did not get any extra pay,

I was told to spend extra time at the office, or I'd be fired, next day,

My boss is a real jerk,

I'm a low level clerk,

My job is shredding papers, to keep government investigators away.

MARS FLY BYE

I was halfway to Mars, when I ran out of space gas,

I don't have a way to slow down, so Mars, I will pass,

I'll fly to uncharted zones,

Until, my flesh turns to bones,

Maybe, next life, I'll come back as a snake, bug or bass.

ROPE AND THE SEAHORSE

My sad seahorse was doing an unhappy mope,

So, I untethered him from his constraining rope,

He quick, ran away,

He'll come back one day,

Once he learns in life, sometimes you must learn to cope.